Advent Meditation - December 6, 2009
Day 8

Day 8 – Angels We Have Heard on High
Scripture: Luke 2:14

This traditional French carol is a favorite of many. It is bright, uplifting and repeats the message of the angels: Glory to God in the highest. When we think of the announcement brought to the shepherds we often think of loud, joyful songs, possibly heard for miles. The words in this hymn suggest something antiphonal with the angels singing a soft, sweet melody answered by a sound echoed from the mountains. In either case, the song of the angels was the message of “peace on earth.”

Words to ponder: The shepherds in yesterday’s hymn appeared to be afraid when the angels sang; those today are jubilant. Certainly they were startled and unsure of what they were hearing. Put yourself on that hillside. Hear the angels sing the message of peace. What does that mean to you? Remember that peace is not merely the absence of conflict, but peace comes with the Prince of Peace and when we put our trust in Him.


Dear Friends,
Today is the anniversary of ten years of my ordination as a Minister of Word and Sacrament in the PC(USA). I remember almost every detail of that day and I can almost hear the angels singing, Glory to God in the highest. There are so many memorable things about the service and activities surrounding it. I'll share two. Jacob was our only grandchild and he was only three at the time. He sat quietly through worship that morning, then returned for the ordination about two and sat quitely through that. His sweet little face is etched in my mind's scrapbook. The other is that my friend Marilyn was present, but when it came time for the reception, she and her husband did not stay. The ordination meant I had a call and the call was 2200 miles away and being separated from friends is difficult at best. If the truth be known, I would have left with her if I could have. The goodbyes to our church family where we had been for 29 years was sad!
I remember the steps leading to my call to go to seminary; I remember the years of study and the challenges of being in class with men who believed firmly that women should not be ordained; I remember the steps leading to my call to Fair Oaks Presbyterian Church in Sacramento County. I have no doubt that God has had a guiding hand on my life and my cup runneth over with all the blessings we have received. So, if you think you hear and angel or if a star is a bit brighter tonight it's me singing praises and smiling brightly.

Thanks to you who support us with your love and prayers.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Advent Meditation
Day 7 - December 5, 2009

Day 7 – While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks
Scripture: Luke 2:8

While shepherds watched their flocks by night, all seated on the ground,
The angel of the Lord came down, and glory shown around.

“Fear not,” said he—for mighty dread had seized their troubled mind—
“glad tidings of great joy I bring to you and all mankind.

“To you, in David’s town this day, is born of David’s line,
the Saviour, who is Christ the Lord, and this shall be the sign;

“The heav’nly babe you there shall find to human view displayed,
all meanly wrapped in swathing bands, and in a manger laid.”

Thus spake the seraph, and forthwith appeared a shining throng
of angels praising God, who thus addressed their joyful song.

“All glory be to God on high, and to the earth be peace;
good will henceforth, from heav’n to men, begin and never cease!”

Words to ponder: Note that as the shepherds watched, one angel came down and spoke words that had been prophesied: born in David’s town and Cborn in David’s line, the Saviour, who is Christ the Lord. Do you wonder if the shepherds knew the prophecy? If so, would it have made them less afraid of the appearance of the angel? Note also that after the announcement, a shining throng sang praises to God. Do you remember how you felt when you first heard about Jesus?

Advent Meditation
December 4, 2009

Day 6 – Angels from the Realms of Glory
Scripture: Matthew 1:18-24: Luke 1:26-38

There is an air of mystery surrounding angels in the Bible. Who exactly are they? What do they do? Why are some given a name and others are nameless beings in groups? Do the popular images marketed today portray an adequate likeness?

The Hebrew word for “angel” means messenger and a search of Biblical references to angels reveals them as “divine messengers.” They were sent by God; they delivered God’s message, sometimes speaking in first person; they prepared the way for God’s people; they made proclamations and announcements. Today’s hymn tells of angels proclaiming the birth of Jesus o’er all the earth. They sang to the shepherds on the night of Jesus’ birth; they prompted the sages (to) leave their contemplations and seek the great Desire of nations; they invite us, one and all to come and worship.

Words to ponder: In Matthew we read of the angel’s message to Joseph and in Luke, the angel’s message to Mary. Is there any doubt that they are indeed “divine messengers?” Their message to us is come and worship, come and worship, worship Christ, the newborn King.

Advent Meditation
December 3, 2009

Day 5 – Once in Royal David’s City
Scripture: Luke 2:12

Yesterday we read the prophecy that the promised Messiah would be born in the little town of Bethlehem and today we read the fulfillment of that prophecy.

Once in royal David’s city stood a lowly cattle shed,
Where a mother laid her baby in a manger for his bed;
Mary was that mother mild, Jesus Christ her little child.

He came down to earth from heaven who is God and Lord of all,
And his shelter was a stable, and his cradle was a stall:
With the poor, and mean, and lowly, lived on earth our Saviour holy.

It is a hymn that causes us to think even more of the humble beginnings of Jesus, the King, the Lord of all. How could the King of Kings be so humbled? The words speak of Jesus’ obedience to the Father. They point us to the day when we will bow before Him, not in the lowly stable, but in heaven as He sits at God’s right hand.

Words to Ponder: Turn in a hymnbook and read the words to all the verses. Notice the description of Christ’s humble beginnings and His description as God and Lord of all. Would those humble beginnings have affected your acceptance of Him if you had been present in the stable? How do you see Him now?

Prayer Requests: 1) Over the Thanksgiving holiday our pastor here at 1st Presbyerian and his family were visiting their family in South Carolina. On Thanksgiving Day Susannah, his wife, had a grand mal seizure and a brain tumor was discovered. They returned to Jackson Monday and since then have had multiple tests and doctor visits, finally ending up today with a neurosurgeon in Memphis. I do not know the results of that visit but some sort of treatment will be necessary. They have four children: two sons in their early twenties and boy and girl twins who are about fifteen. Please pray for Susannah's healing, for the medical folks who will be treating her and for the family as they make decisions. 2) Back pain woke me last night and this morning it was worse. I believe it is bone pain, a side effect of the chemo drug being administered. Today I have rested, have taken pain meds and have kept heat on my back. Please pray that the side effects will be lessened and that I may resume my normal routine. God knows our needs--Susannah's and mine. I am confident in His faithfulness!!

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

December 2, 2009
Advent

Day 4 – O Little Town of Bethlehem
Scripture: Micah 5:2

The prophet Micah, a contemporary of Isaiah, brought both bad news and news that gave hope to God’s people. God had promised that there would always be one from the line of David to sit upon the throne and Micah tells the people of that one to come, one who would not come from the royal city of Jerusalem, but have humble beginnings in the little town of Bethlehem.

The world into which the baby Jesus, the promised Messiah, came was a world of chaos and confusion. It was a world in which God’s people had turned from Him and were stumbling in a world of darkness. Today, as well, we experience chaos and confusion and many do not know that the baby Jesus is indeed the promised Messiah. Some of us wander away from God, seeking to find our own way in the darkness.

Words to ponder: O holy child of Bethlehem, descend to us, we pray; cast out our sin and enter in; be born in us today. We hear the Christmas angels the great glad tidings tell; O come to us, abide with us, our Lord Emmanuel.

Hello Friends,
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas all over town--everywhere except our house. I had Dellora get the boxes of Christmas things out of the attic today, but ran out of energy before I did anything with them. After I finish Sunday's bulletin in the morning, I plan to swap the everyday dishes for the Christmas ones, take a peek in the boxes and hang the wreath on the front door. That will at least get things started. Tom has already started the Christmas music.

Some of you were reading last year when I wrote of buying a tablecloth during the after Christmas sales. The short story is that I found it in the store, but didn't immediately put it in my cart because I had real concerns that I would not be here this year. It's a cloth that will fit our table with all three leaves--still not enough room for our family of soon to be 14 when we're all together. I kept going back to look at the tablecloth and finally decided as I put the cloth in my shopping cart that it would be a symbol of hope for me. I said I had hope, but wasn't acting like it. God can and does work miracles. Hope is not wishful thinking for the believer; it is expectation; it is trust in the One who is HOPE. I smiled as I put the cloth on the table for Thanksgiving, and I smiled even more when the nine of us who live here gathered round to enjoy our Thanksgiving feast. Who knew that something as simple as a tablecloth could have such meaning?

May the hope of Jesus bring peace, joy and love to your lives!

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

December 1, 2009
Advent - Day 3

Day 3 – Silent Night
Scripture: Psalm 19:1-4

Silent Night, one of the most loved and well-known hymns of the season, brings a mental picture of a clear, crisp night when every star in the sky was visible. Such a night would quite naturally turn one’s thoughts to God’s creation. It was a wondrous night to be sure!
Such a night was described in the words of the psalmist in Psalm 19: The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

All (was) calm, all (was) bright round yon virgin mother and child, while on a hillside outside of Bethlehem shepherds were startled by an angelic announcement. I wonder. Did Mary and Joseph hear the sound of the angels in the distance? Did the shepherds see the glory of God in the heavens? What did they think when their silent night was interrupted?

Words to ponder: Where is the glory of God most visible to you? Do you see it in the skies, the mountains or on the beach? Do you recognize God’s glory while reading His word? Take a moment and thank God for all the work of his hands.

Advent Meditations - November 30
Day 2—Come, Thou Long-Expected Jesus Scripture: Haggai 2:1-9


Come, Thou long expected Jesus, Born to set Thy people free;
From our fears and sins release us; Let us find our rest in Thee.
Israel’s strength andconsolation, Hope of all the earth Thou art;
Dear desire of every nation, Joy of every longing heart.


Haggai prophesied about the rebuilding of the temple and in the Scripture for today he tells of the coming of the Messiah whose glory would fill the temple. He reaches all the way back to the time of the Exodus, referring to the time when the glory of Yahweh filled the tabernacle. God himself was present with them then; the prophecy tells of the coming presence of the Messiah. What good news! Jesus was the desire of every nation and would bring joy into the hearts who awaited His coming.

Words to ponder: The hymn says the long-expected Jesus would release the people from fears and sins. At times it is easier to accept being set free from our sins than it is to let go of the fears that trouble us. Is that true in your life? Why should we fear when we have the promise of the Triune God? God said that He would never leave us, nor forsake us; Jesus said that He would be with us until the end of the world; the Holy Spirit’s presence in our lives brings peace.

Advent

Advent begins tomorrow and my topic is The Gift of Hope. Some designate the Sundays as Hope, Peace, Joy and Love; others go with Prophecy, Bethlehem, Shepherds, Angels and both culminate with The Birth of Christ. Either works. The Prophecy certainly is all about Hope. I am posting Day One--still haven't figured out how to give you the illustrated version and I believe I miscounted and have left off one meditation.

Preface
The season of Advent is upon us and it is time to turn our thoughts to the first coming of the Lord Jesus. I love the music of Christmas! There just aren’t enough Sundays to sing the wide range of hymns found in our hymbooks. Choirs don’t have enough time to prepare enough music for us to hear. There aren’t enough brass ensembles to accompany the festive music of Christmas Eve. This year I have chosen a few of the hymns of Advent and Christmas as the basis for our meditations. Some may be new to you; others may be old favorites. Some center on prophecy; others tell the story of Christ’s birth; a few give us a more complete picture of prophecy, birth, why Christ came and take us to his second coming. All have a message.

Meditations for each day suggest a Scripture reading, thoughts about the hymn of the day and “words to ponder.” The Scriptures are brief and are intended to give background for the meditations. Only words to hymns that may be unfamiliar are printed, as are some words or verses used for special emphasis so you may find it helpful to keep a hymnbook or other music source handy. “Words to ponder” are just that and are intended to help us think more about what we believe and the words we sing.

God bless you as you read and as you sing with the angels: Glory to God in the highest!


Day 1 – O Come, O Come, Emmanuel
Scripture: Isaiah 7:14

O come, O come, Emmanuel, and ransom captive Israel,
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Song of God appear.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emanuel shall come to thee, O Israel!

O come, Thou Dayspring, and cheer our spirits by Thine advent here:
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emanuel shall come to thee, O Israel!

O come, Desire of nations, bind all peoples in one heart and mind;
Bid envy, strife, and discord cease;
Fill the whole world with heaven’s peace.
Rejoice! Rejoice! Emanuel shall come to thee, O Israel!

O Come, O Come, Emmanuel has always signaled the beginning of the Advent season for me. No words, no melody could focus my attention on the coming of Jesus more than these do.

The words are said to have been written in about the 12th century, but they could easily have been sung by the Israelites in exile upon hearing the message of Isaiah. Jesus is identified as Emmanuel, God with us, in verse one; as Dayspring in verse two and as the Desire of nations in verse three. The pleading of the Israelites is for the promised Messiah to come and rescue them from exile. Even the melody suggests despair in its minor loveliness. But, true to form, hope is expressed in the refrain as people are told to “Rejoice.”

Words to ponder: As we enter this Advent season, may the words of this hymn be our prayer. Only the coming of Emmanuel in the hearts of all people will cause peace to triumph over despair. Then, we can gladly sing, Rejoice!

Blessings,
Pastor Margaregt

Quickie

Just a quick update for those of you who keep up with my Corinth trips. Today was the day for a treatment and Tom had a bad night. It was obvious when we got up that he could not make the trip and even more obvious that he could not stay here by himself. We had seen one of his neurologists yesterday and a new pill was prescribed for headaches. After reading the printed information this morning, I recognized several of the symptoms he was having. Bottom line: I called our son's house a little after eight, asked if Jake could come stay with Tom while I was gone and then called the neurology clinic, talked with the nurse and she said to stop the new medication and she would call me back after she talked to the doctor. I went on to Corinth by myself, much to the frustration of Tom. He is better tonight--more like himself and ready to go to Tommy's to celebrate Liz's birthday.

My counts dropped some, especially the hematacrit (sp?) so I had a shot to stimulate red cell growth, got my treatment, came home and took a nap. Hurry up and work, shot! I have finished making fudge frosting for the cake I baked last night and I'm almost ready to celebrate too. It was a beautiful day to drive and I missed having Tom along to enjoy the changes in the scenery. The fields that still had cotton needing to be picked ten days ago, were picked and the stalks cut to the ground. The pear trees still have color. What a wonderful fall this has been!

We are almost ready for dinner tomorrow, though I have a casserole to make, pies to bake and the table isn't quite ready. I'll make rolls if it takes less energy to make them than it would to run to the store and buy some. On the way home today I talked with Marty and Christopher and was reminded of lots of family Thanksgivings we have spent together and how much I miss all of us around the same table. I hope that each of you have the joy of family and friends around you and that you'll make good memories.

If you're interested, look for the first Advent meditation post on Saturday. It will be for Sunday, November 29. Til then, have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Gripes

Yesterday's sermon was good for at least one person in attendance--me! The text was Psalm 15o and the title was "Praise the Lord." I noted in some of my reading that one writer talked about attitude and how much an attitude could be improved by thinking and naming all the things for which we can proclaim: "Praise the Lord."

The day began with Tom getting back in bed after taking his 7 a.m. meds and telling me that he didn't think he could make it to church. That's always a bummer! Later, while we were eating breakfast, the phone rang and I got up to answer, thinking it would be one of the children. It wasn't. It was Ernesto, calling from some research place, wanting to engage me in conversation. I was so mad!! In a very agitated voice I told him that we were on a "do not call" list, what's more it was Sunday and such a call was inappropriate on the Sabbath. To top that off, I noticed when I backing out of the garage that one of the pansy plants I had potted was lying outside the pot like someone had dug it up in the perfect formation of the pot it was in when it came from the nursery. I was already running late so there was no time to do anything but fume. I did tell Tom when I got home that I was gunning for a squirrel--I had found a pecan in the pot last week when I got it ready for the pansies and knew the guilty party.

On the way to Humboldt, I was thinking of the worship service, the Scripture and the sermon and remembered what I'd read. Gratitude wins over complaints every time. My attitude would be improved if instead of thinking about Ernesto and the squirrel, I'd praise God from whom all my blessings flow. It worked almost immediately. That's good. Imagine what a hypocrite I would have been, preaching on praise while grumbling on the inside!

A different sort of thing happened today. I walked into the grocery store behind a lady who walked with a cane. Right inside the door is one of those floor mats designed to clean and dry your feet as you walk over it. The problem was the rubber border around the edge had worn off and the lady caught her cane on it. She could have had a serious fall. On the way out one of the managers spoke as she passed me and I asked if she had a minute. I told her about the mat and she didn't just say "thank you" and tell me she'd see about it. She followed me out of the store so I could show her and she moved the mat. That rarely happens--and I praised the Lord for people who care.

Around your Thanksgiving table this year, take time to let everyone, young and old alike, share at least one way God has blessed them in 2009. A good hearty "Praise the Lord" is a good addition to your holiday feast.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Coming Soon . . .

For the past two years I have had the privilege of writing Advent devotionals for the church where Tom is a member and where we attend when not at Humboldt. The church secretary does a most creative job of taking my material, finding appropriate artwork and formatting the booklet. In 2008 I posted a devotional every day of the Advent season and plan to do the same this year--only we're going to try to use the PDF I was sent and copy it on the blog site. I'll begin posting on November 28 so that those who are interested will have a devotional ready for the first day and will continue through Christmas Eve. At the end of this spot today I'll test and see if the file copies well. Today is only a test.

Yesterday was my birthday and never has so much attention been paid to one person on their birthday. There were many facebook messages, e-mails, phone calls, cards, presents, a special blog written by our daughter's best friend from junior high days. Then, of course, there were the beautiful red roses Tom had delivered and the gourmet meal Tommy & Liz prepared last night. In the afternoon Marty called, put Christopher on the phone and he said two really important words - "day" and "love." I knew he was saying "happy birthday" and "I love you." Meredith was so excited that we were going to be at their house to celebrate that she was beside herself. She gave me the special treat she was given at playschool yesterday and kept reminding me that it was my birthday and giving me hugs. Of course, I never doubt the love of my family and I know I have the most wonderful friends in the world, but yesterday they all outdid themselves! It was quite a day!!

Tom had a visit with his neurologist on Monday. Again he was cautioned about his weight and the dangers of his losing more muscle mass and getting too weak. There is also a matter of his lowered blood pressure. Too bad I can't transfer both weight and blood pressure to him! He is going to start another round of speech therapy and begin physical therapy next Monday. Hopefully, a little help with exercise will increase his energy level. He also has a follow up with the neurologist who administered the Botox injections. I think they have helped some; Tom isn't so sure.

In the midst of your Thanksgiving preparations, remember to thank God for every blessing--those that are obvious and those that are not. Most importantly, thank God for all things whether we consider them blessings or not. He can and does use the events in our lives for His glory and our good.

(The test to see whether or not I can copy from the PDF file is next. You should see the cover of the booklet. Everything else begins Saturday night, the 28th.)

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

The test didn't work. I'll have to do some more research to see what I'm missing.

Praise the Lord!

After getting off to a bumpy start with a new chemo regimen last month, we seem to be back on track. I was more than a little concerned when the chemo drug sent my white count too low for treatment after only two doses and much more than a little concerned when my body reacted adversely to the shots to stimulate white blood cell growth. I wondered if we were reaching the point when I would have to choose whether to keep trying or discontinue treatment entirely. The doctor reassured us two weeks ago, adjusted the schedule ,laid out a new plan and we started again. Today was treatment two of the second set.

People have asked how they could pray specifically and my response has been: pray that the tumor marker goes down and the white and red blood cell counts go up. Today we learned that both white and red counts are a bit up from two weeks ago and that the tumor marker is down a little more than fourteen points since the end of September. When the nurse handed me the report I could not stop the smile that was coming from my toes to my face, nor the tears of joy and gratitude. I immediately called both of our children, then asked Tom, why me?

I have never questioned or blamed God for this cancer. My why me question is wonder at the amazing way God continues to answer prayers and keep me alive and mostly well! Cancer kills. It shows no respecter of persons; we cannot understand why some are healed, some go into remission, some live and continue to fight and others die. I may question the disease or different people's responses to treatment, and at times I get discouraged and really mad at the disease, but there is one constant in my life that I will never question: God is faithful and I am kept by His care. I sort of settle down into the comfort of that knowledge, then a little excitement rouses me and I remember the old saying: Please be patient. God isn't finished with me yet! Look out world.

Join us as we praise God for answered prayers!

Blessings,
Pastor Margaregt

Veterans--and others--I Remember Today

We hung our flag yesterday afternoon in honor of all the veterans who have served our country. Have you remembered to say "thank you" to the veterans you know? Depending on your age, it's possible you don't know any or aren't sure who has served and who hasn't. The first Sunday closest to Veterans Day that we spent in California is one I will never forget. There was a time in the service when veterans were recognized and honored for their commitment and they were asked to come forward and stand across the front. It is a large santuary, seating around 1400 people and that day it was pretty full. I remember sitting in wonder as hundreds of people stood and came forward. Some walked briskly, some came more slowly; there were both men and women; all walked proudly and held their heads high. It seemed as if more stood in the front than were left seated in the pews. A chill ran up and down my spine and tears filled my eyes.

My mother's only brother was career Army and twenty five years after he retired, he still answered the phone , "Colonel Carter." He was military to the core, the family hero and we never tired of his stories of places he served and lived in his thiry three years on active duty. His retirement came as the Vietnam conflict was gathering steam, but he was ready to go if sent. I remember him today.

Tom's brother, David, was an Army doctor for twenty plus years. Though he never saw combat, he touched the lives of many young men preparing to serve in his years at West Point Military Academy and others in his service at Walter Reed Hospital, in Korea to the troops still on duty there and later at the Pentagon. David trained as a pediatrician, with a specialty in adolescent medicine. Who could have known such training would prepare him to care for our soldiers? I remember him today.

Then there is the special veteran with whom I share my life--Tom. The Army was a big part of our life when we married. Knowing that he would soon be sent to Vietnam, we planned a really quick wedding and took off for Ft. Sill, OK. Five months later he has on his way. Tom was an artillery officer, serving as a liasion with the 1st Infantry Division. He saw plenty of combat and although he has shared some stories, there are many more things that he never talks about. Sometimes when the effects of Tom's illness get to me, I picture him in his most military posture or in his dress blues and I know that on his inside he retains that posture. I remember him today and have already said "thank you" once. Before the day is over I'll tell him again.

Today I also remember those who are on active duty, both in battle and those out of harm's way. I think of those whose names I will never know and I think especially of Jeri and Martin's son on a second tour of duty and Kathy's husband recently deployed. I think of spouses and children waiting for a word; I think of spouses and children whose loved ones will never come home. I think of those veterans who have come home bearing scars either physical or emotional. All have paid or are paying a price so that you and I might enjoy freedom.

Along with expressing thanks to our veterans today, pray for peace--not just the absence of conflict, but for the presence of the one whose name is Peace. Pray that the Prince of Peace would be triumphant in the world.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Not Much--I Thought

There isn't much to report on our end--no major changes, no crisis for either of us, not much really. But then that makes me wonder if God ever tires of hearing our praises or utterances of thanks for the ordinary things. We don't seem to tire of presenting God with our requests. This has been a wonderful week in every way!

Worship on Sunday was special with people of all ages participating. The sun was shining outside and the warmth of God's Spirit filled the sanctuary. God's people came to worship and to reaffirm their commitment to Him and to His ministry.

On Monday we celebrated Elisa's second birthday. It seems like just yesterday that we welcomed her into the world and I could honestly say that about each of the grandchildren. When I look at them I remember "Red Sails in the Sunset" from "Fiddler on the Roof." I attended a luncheon where that was sung shortly after Marty's birth and I cried openly when the song asked, "Where has my little girl gone?" I wanted to hold her forever and I have in my heart. The years pass so quickly and I continue to ask that question. Elisa loved her birthday and we all laughed a lot watching her opening presents, expressing innocent wonder with the contents of each one.

We have been able to get necessary chores done this week, both at home and otherwise. This has been the most beautiful of all falls spent in this part of the country! Every tree we see is more beautiful than the one we have just seen. The ghinkos and the maples are especially nice. Of course, the ghinkos remind me of our Mississippi home and those thoughts ignite lots of memories. The best part of all is having Tom beside me to share both the present and the memories.

Throughout the week I have said many "thank yous" and offered silent praise for the opportunity to continue in ministry; for the people who have adopted us in our temporary church; for healthy, delightful grandchildren--and the eighth one on the way; for their parents, our children who are more special than they realize; for the beauty of the earth; for Tom who can end my sentences and shares everything with me; for cards and letters, phone calls and e-mails; unexpected flowers delivered this afternoon.

No, I don't think God ever tires of our words of thanks and praise. He is an amazing God, the author of every good and perfect gift.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Good News!

A trip to Corinth to see the oncologist yesterday dispelled some of the apprehensions we have had in the last two weeks. He did not express much concern over my intolerance of the chemo dose, nor over the reaction to the Neupogen shots which he had discontinued. He put me on a new treatment schedule, saying that it's not unusual to have to experiment with the schedule before finding the right one for a particular patient. So, I restarted yesterday and will go back in two weeks, thus eliminating the week when I only had chemo. If my white counts go down again, he will reduce the amount of Neupogen given. He was not surprised with the symptoms I experienced following the shots; I was since I had not reacted that way the last time I had it three years ago. The good news is that we're back on track!

Sarah and Drew have been here playing in the yard this morning. Finally, we have sunshine again! Just hope it holds for them to get in some trick or treating tonight. Marty reports that it is rainy and nasty in Raleigh. She made Christopher the cutest bear costume and if I can figure how to move one or two from her e-mail to my photo page, I'll share later.

I'm glad for a relaxing Saturday. We had somewhere to go or something to do every day this past week and that makes me tired. Tuesday we spent the day at an older adult outing at the Presbytery camp about 1 1/2 hours from here, got home about three, then went out again at five to a Parkinson's support group meeting for another 2 1/2 hours. It rained all day, but fortunately we rode on the church bus to the camp and left the driving to Tommy. Wednesday we had window coverings installed in the living and dining rooms. A good church friend had made them and we enjoyed visiting with her and her husband who came to do the installation. Tom had his Botox injections Thursday afternoon. The neurologist had suggested putting them around the eyebrow area to help with the squinting and facial movements there. He must have injected him fifteen or twenty times--I lost count. Tom said it didn't particularly hurt, he has had no reactions or sorness and I think I already see some improvement. Yesterday, late in the day, I was dozing on the couch, the doorbell rang and there stood the man bringing Tom's new lift chair. With our new additions, I have rearranged a bit of furniture and have a little more to do to get things just right. The rest of today might not be so relaxing after all. Still there's lots of SEC football on TV and it might be more enticing than getting the house straight again.

Tomorrow is Commitment Sunday at Humboldt when pledges for the coming year will be brought. I keep calling it Celebration Sunday. Actually, it is both. We commit our gifts because of the covenantal commitment God made with us, because of the new covenant in Jesus Christ; and we celebrate God's promise, God's gifts and then share the Lord's Supper together. That is always a celebration!! It will be a good day. I hope your worship will be blessed.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Let's Hear It for Technology

A young friend of ours is doing her student teaching in Perth, Australia. One morning last week I answered the phone and there she was calling to say "hello." Two things about her call struck me.

Time and space was first. I had just finished my morning coffee and it was bedtime in Perth. She sounded as if she was right next door, yet is on the other side of the world. Modern technology allows us to keep up with each other, not only by telephone, but also by e-mail, Facebook, blogs, etc. How can this be? I will never understand how these things work, just take for granted that they will.

The second thing came from the conversation itself. Though Lala, our friend, is having an experience of a lifetime, she misses the familiar things of home and fall in West Tennessee. It's spring in Australia and Thanksgiving is unique to the United States. She misses fall color, the costumes of Halloween and looking forward to Thanksgiving with family and friends--not to mention Alabama football.

Our conversation made me think of just how much we take for granted, things both great and small. We enter a dark room, flip the light switch and expect to have light. Fall approaches and we expect to see leaves changing color; we anticipate a winning season for a favorite football team; we carefully plan how we'll spend our holidays. We take tomorrow for granted, but there is no guarantee.

Recently, I have been reminded once again of that very fact and of the uncertainty and fragility of life. That can lead to dread and fear of tomorrow. What I know is there needs to be a balance between the two. It is unreal, ignorant really, to march through life never thinking about tomorrow and it's downright morbid and unnatural to focus on the "what ifs" of tomorrow to such an extent that we live in constant fear. Trusting God, knowing that God is in charge is the answer. Talk to God about your fears. Life is uncertain; tomorrow might reveal news we don't want to hear or usher in some monumental crisis. In such times we need to cling to the promises of God, particularly, "I will never leave you nor forsake you" and "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Faith replaces fear.

Rather than take tomorrow for granted, be grateful for it. Thank God for His promise to be present with you; celebrate the seasons of life, the seasons of the year; express your love for your family often; stay in touch with friends; be submissive to who God wants you to be each day of your life. Be an active participant in your life!

I started out thinking about modern technology and how it keeps us close to each other; I close thinking about prayer and how it keeps us close to God.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Potholes

The journey since I last wrote has continued to take us on a winding path and also on a path full of potholes. I don't have to tell you about potholes. They are annoying and can be really hard on tires. There have been some places where we've lived that it seemed that potholes were never fixed. You just learned where they were and tried to avoid them as best you could. In other places, crews were out fixing them as soon as one occured--or so it seemed. You can learn to live with potholes, try avoiding them or be really grateful your tax dollars are at work to fix them.

Potholes in the journey of life are much the same. You can learn to live with them and try to avoid them or you do have the option of asking your heavenly Father to fill them as only He can. I guess you might say that this week I've dealt with all three approaches.

We hit on pothole number one last Friday learning that the neutrophil count was too low for treatment and encountered a slight problem in how I would get the necessary shots. I would need one that day and one a day Monday through Friday of this week. Monday and Friday would be taken care of because I had to go to the clinic in Corinth for lab work and I'd just take the shots there. By Monday one of my oncology nurses had located a pharmacy in Jackson that would sell me three shots and a Session member in the Humboldt church found me nurses to administer the injections. Pothole filled.

The second hole was brought on by the medicine itself. It caused severe back pain that rendered sleep almost impossible. Pain medication dulled it some, but made me nauseated, so anti-nausea drugs were prescribed. After the third shot on Tuesday, I was one sick puppy, complete with fever and chills. A call to the clinic Wednesday morning resulted in a quick trip to Corinth for more labs and to be seen by the nurse practioner. Who could take us on such short notice? I called a friend in our Thursday Bible study and she didn't even hestitate--just said, "Ill be there in fifteen minutes." After a bag of fluids that included more anti-nausea meds and vitamins we were on our way home. Another pothole filled.

Incidentally, the shots were discontinued. The white count has risen some and today I have felt much better. There may be bigger potholes in the road ahead. If the chemo takes such a quick hit at my cell counts and I cannot tolerate the drug that remedies that problem, the hole can become too big to fill, but for now the holes are full and the path continues, winding as it is.

God has me by the hand, leading me around the curves, helping me avoid potholes when I can, teaching me how to live with them when I can't and He will keep them filled so I can drive across them. Please pray that I can tolerate the treatments and that my cell counts will not drop.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

What's Next?

This morning I think I know how the Israelites must have felt when they had no food nor water, grumbled, then relied on God's provision when all else failed. Yesterday we encountered yet one more bump in the road in this journey of treating my cancer--a neutrophil count too low to receive the chemo. I was/am not happy! In the midst of learning a few weeks ago that treatment would have to resume, hope loomed bigger than life itself: hope that is founded in a faithful God; and hope that the new treatment would straighten out some of the crooked paths in the journey. The hope in God's care and healing is as constant as ever, even if I do wonder a bit more about what's around the next bend and why I'm being led there. But, the hope in the treatment has diminished. How like the Israelites! Do I just trust completely when all else fails?

Briefly, this is the story. A treatment cycle consists of three sets of infusions, given a week apart. The first and the third includes both the non-chemo drug that is supposed to cut off blood supply to the tumors; the chemo drug is given all three times. After two infusions of chemo my blood counts took a tumble and the ones most important to receiving chemo fell to unsafe levels, meaning I could not get the third infusion yesterday and had to start shots to boost my white count. There was also a warning about the platelet count. I had thought that the chemo drug this go around was more gentle on the system. The nurses said, "Maybe so, but your system is already compromised by all the chemo you have had in the past." Not exactly words I wanted to hear.

Immediately, questions began to nag at me. Does this mean I've reached the point where being treated is worse than waiting on the disease to take over my body? Will I have to choose between quality of life and quantity sooner, rather than later? Am I depending more on the manna than the God who provides it? What does this mean to everyday life?

When I left the clinic yesterday one of the nurses was trying to find a way for me to get my daily shots next week without having to drive to Corinth everyday. In the past, I have had the option of administering the shots myself or going to the clinic and, chicken that I am, chose to have Tom give them to me. This day in time, that's not possible: #1-he can no longer do that and #2-the insurance companies have created such a nightmare that criteria for payment dictates how the drug is administered. The answer to the question regarding everyday life, at least for next week, is to arrange trips to drive to Corinth Monday and Friday for labs and shots and maybe everyday for shots. Answers to the other questions are not as easy.

I had two thoughts in some sleepless hours before driving to Corinth. We need to specifically pray for my blood counts. I reread the information sheets on the two drugs I'm taking and a warning light went off in my head when I read common side effects of the chemo. I determined then that blood levels would be a specific prayer request. Little did I know I'd need an answer to that prayer so soon! The second thought contains a bit of irony. For the almost three years we've lived here we've been making regular trips to Corinth, Mississippi. What some of you may not know is that Corinth was the site of some important battles fought during the War Between the States. In fact, some of the economy of the region rests on tourism, which in turn is based on that time of conflict in our country. Isn't it a bit ironic that my battle with cancer is headquartered in Corinth? Oh, well! Maybe you have to be a Southerner to be touched by the significance.

Meanwhile, I've gotten sidetracked from completing my sermon for tomorrow, a message that will include God's pattern for giving, God's provision for His people and God's promise when we respond. May your worship of our unfailing God be blessed!

Pastor Margaret

MEMORY LANE

Tom and I took a stroll down memory lane this weekend, though my memories possibly are a bit more pronounced than his. We spent about four hours Friday at the Grand Ole Opry Hall of Fame Museum and still didn't see it all. In addition to the permanent displays, there were two special exhibits on the life and career of Brenda Lee and one on the Hank Williams family. I think I read every word and listened to every song in the Brenda Lee room, all the time reliving my teenage years when she was really coming into her own. By the time we got to the Williams exhibit, we were tired, needed lunch and to get back to the hotel for some rest before our big night out.

What I didn't remember was how smeared the lines were between rock n' roll, bluegrass, country, gospel and even cowboy. Rock and roll stars and country stars sang each other's songs, giving them their own particular twist. Seeing Carl Perkins' blue suede shoes brought back memories of weekends when we would gather at friends' houses, stuff ourselves with chips and dip and dance until curfew. Hearing Roy Rogers and Gene Autrey made me think of Saturday afternoon matinees, complete with the weekly serials. A quarter would get you into the movie, buy popcorn and a coke and you'd still get change! Those are just a few of the things we remembered.

The best, most comfortable and satisfying memory has to do with my introduction to country music. The happiest years of my childhood were spent living as a part of Aunt May and Uncle Barnard's family. Saturday was a big day at our house. We would spend the morning cleaning house, getting in wood (both for heat and the cookstove) and keeping the dishes washed while Aunt May did the weekly baking. After lunch all six of us (2 adults and 4 children) would take our places in the red Ford pickup and head to town. Aunt May went to the grocery, Uncle Barnard always had somebody to talk to, the two little ones would hang out with one parent or the other and Julia and I would walk to the drug store for an ice cream cone. At night, after all was made ready for Sunday, Uncle Barnard would turn on the radio, tune into the "Grand Ole Opry" and we'd go to sleep with the sounds of laugher, banjos and people telling their stories in song. What a memory! Wandering through the museum made those Saturday night memories come alive. I could almost hear Uncle Barnard's footsteps in the hall.

Friday night was two hours of solid toe tapping, leg slapping, hand clapping melody and stories. We had a great time!! Word of advice: if you ever go, include in your ticket the fee to be picked up at your hotel. We're glad we did.

Our memory lane trip on Saturday was in the area of academia or self help. The Parkinson's symposium presented by the neurology department at the Vanderbilt School of Medicine could not have been better. It falls among our memories because we have attended once before and because some of the information presented underscores things we have already learned/experienced. Current research encourages hope in all who are affected by this terrible disease.

Another memory to be satisfied was to have been a stop at the Loveless Cafe, a favorite place of ours where we have been going for about twenty years. Well, we did stop at the Loveless, being admitted by a highway patrol officer directing traffic in and out of the parking lot. There were so many people there it looked like a fireant hill that had just been disturbed! We were told the wait for a table was two hours. No way! We walked over to the little store, bought a couple of pounds of bacon and went somewhere else. That was a disappointment.

This morning I hurredly dressed and went to church in Humboldt. Someone else was preaching so I slid into my seat just as things were starting. After the service I enjoyed visiting with folks, but an old memory crept up. Someone mentioned a couple they hadn't seen in church recently and one lady said that the gentleman couldn't get used to a woman preacher. Two people standing beside me were shocked: one said he'd never heard that and the other was embarassed that the statement had been made in front of me. Later, I assured her that I was not offended--and I'm not. I remember the twelve young men who walked out of preaching class when one of the three women students were on the schedule; I remember the church staff person who announced that someone needed to visit Mr. X and that the preacher who wore a skirt should not come (I went anyway); I remember the dear lady who wanted to meet me even though she let me know she didn't approve of women in ordained ministry (she later changed her mind). If I only reflect on the first part of the memory, I am saddened, but if my reflections include the resolutions of some of those situations, I am encouraged. God chooses people to serve in different places, in different ways. Whether we are male or female, Southerner or Northerner, black or white, the same Spirit is at work in our hearts and we all can be of service and in service with we submit to that Spirit.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

God's Paintbrush

Evidence of fall abounded on our trip to Corinth today. Bradford pears, sweet gums and sumac have begun their slow transformation from green to red to burgundy; soybean leaves are more yellow than green; some cotton stands in the fields, stripped of leaves, just waiting for the ground to dry out enough to get the heavy pickers in the fields. Other cotton has yet to be defoliated so both leaves and the beautiful white balls on which so much of our economy rests are seen. Dead corn stalks remain, row after row, also waiting for the ground to dry out enough to get equipment in the fields to turn it under. Even the dogwood in our front yard has tinges of pink, every leaf a promise of the red that is to come. To everything there is a season and everything is beautiful in its time.

The treatment last Friday was tolerated very well, though I think I felt the effects of the flu shot for about 24 hours. Sunday afternoon and night I slept so much and so hard, Tom said he had to touch me to be sure I was still breathing, but by Monday morning I was back to normal and resumed regular activities. Today I only had one drug and was in and out of the infusion room in less than an hour. Wow! That was great. What's even greater is I feel fine!!! Shopping for groceries once were home again was the tiring event of the day, but we took a deep breath, rested our feet and went to Wenesday night supper and Bible study in Humbolt. It was the pause that refreshed.

Presently, I'm washing a load of clothes, getting ready to pack for a trip to Nashville. Saturday, the Neurology Department at the Vanderbilt Medical Center is presenting its 11th annual symposium on Parkinson's Disease. We attended in 2007, but had to miss last year so we're looking forward to this one. They always present the latest information available and give ample opportunity to ask questions. We decided we'd make a little mini-vacation of it and spend two nights there rather than one. We'll play things by ear, except for Saturday and eating at one of our all time favorite restaurants on the way home and reservations at the Grand Ole Opry Friday night.

I am more than half finished writing Advent Meditations for this year and again, having a wonderful time with them. If you'd like me to publish them on the blog site, please either e-mail me or add a comment at the end of the post and I will if enough are interested. The other exciting thing I'm doing--in addition to being at Humboldt--is teaching Joshua in a PW circle. We start Monday. I hope FOPC women haven't spoiled me. Their response always added fuel to the study and their insights taught me much more than I taught ever them. In the list of things I miss about ministry at FOPC is the complete relationship I had with the women!

Time to put clothes in the dryer. Years ago Tom's mother had a combination washer/dryer. It took up very little space in the kitchen, but one load of clothes could take hours to complete. Imagine what it was like waiting on diapers to wash and dry! But since my options were either going to the laudromat on Saturday or to Mom's I didn't complain. The only good thing I remember about the combination machine was not having that added step of transfer--spoken like a lazy person. Funny how things from the past crop up! I'd best head to the laundry room, separate things and get on with the drying process. Mom went from a wringer washer, to the front loader and hanging things outside, to the combination to a washer and dryer that sat side by side. That was progress. I wonder what she would think now of all our even more modern conveniences.

What was beautiful about your day today? Be grateful!

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

It's All About Life

There was a homecoming of sorts when we went to Corinth for treatment yesterday. A new face occupied the chair of my beloved Ava, receptionist extradornairre' and my special Christian sister. She now has added responsibilities and an office of her own. The chairs in the infusion room had been rearranged and organized with a table between every two--nice touch. Jerry, the head nurse had a new hair do, but the same efficient, smiling presence. On the table by my chair was a book paying tribute to oncology nurses. As I thumbed through it, I couldn't help but think about the oncology nurses who have touched my life, especially Terri in Roseville who we credit with saving it in 2006. God has given special gifts to these nurses!

In the lab I only had to weigh--ugh--and have vitals done. My weight was eight pounds more than it had been in Memphis on Monday and the blood pressure much lower. Is it better to have a more ideal blood pressure or weigh that much more? I had asked the nurses Monday to leave my port accessed so as to avoid another stick and the tape had blistered my skin. Why didn't I remember that from hospital stays? It felt so good to get the tape off and the blisters soothed.
I settled in my infusion chair, with Tom by my side, went through the pre-meds and read yet another set of information sheets on the two new drugs.

Legally, manufacturers have to list any and all possible side effects--I know that. After all, this is my sixth time to begin treatment for cancer and I am married to a lawyer. Still, it is a bit disconcerting to read about all the possibilities and to learn that things you might have been told were not problems, are in the realm of possibility. For instance, because I'm the driver in the family, I always ask if there will be in problems in my driving myself. No problem. Possible side effect read: drowsiness; avoid any activity that requires alertness, such as driving. On the drive home I struggled several times to stay focused--could have been the drug, could have been the overall effects of the day. I repeat: clots, compromised blood counts, etc. can be life threatening, but so is cancer!

So far this morning, all is well. A few precautionary pills have been taken and I've begun the seemingly endless glasses of water I'm required to drink. One of the pre-meds I take causes sleeping problems the first couple of nights after infusion. Last night was no exception, so I got up and did some sermon work. They told me my arm would be sore from my flu shot and it's not--guess I'm a tough old bird. Time will tell about the other "possibilities."

Tomorrow as we begin stewardship focus at Humboldt, I am preaching on remembering, based on Deuteronomy 8:1-10. It fits with the overall slogan for the month: Because He gave - - - We Give. In my first year in seminary I did an indepth study of this passage, complete with translation, word studies, commentary, and sermon outline. It has come in handy. God called the Israelites to be careful to be obedient to His commands and to remember how He led them all the way in the wilderness. Isn't it amazing how appropriate the passage is for us to remember God's leading as we prepare to make our annual pledges? Isn't it amazing how appropriate it is for me as I begin treatment again? Isn't it amazing how appropriate it is as we celebrate Worldwide Communion Sunday? The Holy Spirit has definitely been at work in this preparation! Tomorrow I'll focus on just the first three verses, then after a guest preacher next week, will pick up the remembering thread for the rest of the focus. Read the passage and you too will be reminded of God' deliverance, God's constant provision and God's promise for blessing. We are called to obey, to remember and to respond!

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

What is Reality?

Reality is the last statement in the last blog: I rest in the reality that God is always with me. The knowledge of God's faithful, loving, merciful, compassionate care for me as His child is the reality that defines my life.

Reality is hearing that the CA125 number has inched up into the forties and that the scans reveal more cancer than was present when pictures were taken six months ago.

It is seeing the doctor shake his head, "No," when I said, "We're not going to get rid of this things, are we?"

Those realities leave me wondering if the cancer is more real than the life I live as a wife and care partner, a mother and grandmother, a friend and a Minister of Word and Sacrament. Is one more real or more important than another?

I cannot escape the reality of the cancer. I embrace the realities of family, friendship and the ministry God has given. God will show me a balance in all of this.

Treatment is again a reality--a new treatment that offers more hope than some. There has been some noted success for patients (I hate that word, so let's just say "people") w/ recurring ovarian cancer who are given Avastin. It is not a chemotherapy drug in that it doesn't kill off cells; it works on the blood vessels that feed tumors. Please understand, that is my interpretation of it, not a scientific description. As with everything, there are some possible side effects, some can be serious or life threatening, but then, cancer is both of those things. The drug is to be given in conjucntion with a chemo drug, again with possible side effects, but I will be closely monitored. It will be a schedule of one a week for three weeks, then off a week. That's as far as we got in the discussion. I failed to ask how many sets of treatment. The main thing was to get going and discover how "real" it will prove to be in my case. I sort of get the impression that if it is successful in reducing cancer cells, it will be come like the disease, chronic as in "hanging around." It is not a cure; it could offer a controlling effect.

More than anything, I hate what this does to Tom and our children. They always are realistic, supportive and take things in stride. The realities where they are concerned are two-fold: the depth of their love and concern they have for me and my desire to protect them. Those are hard for me to balance.

The question now is: how will I--how will we--respond to this reality of cancer, treatment and this wonderful life we've been given?

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

The weekend is here; the Bulldogs are playing LSU on TV and at this point are ahead by one. It's too early in the game to tell much, and of course, the rain that has been drenching parts of the South for the last couple of weeks is making its presence known on the playing field. If we're still on top at the end of the game, many will be surprised, including me.

It has been another busy week with ministry responsibilities and opportunities. I moderated the Humboldt Session Monday night and attended a Stewardship Campaign committee meeting Wednesday before supper. I can't say I've never preached a stewardship sermon because I believe that stewardship is a way of life, not confined to a season, so there have been stewardship themes when appropriate to the text. However, I've never fashioned a whole month of messages around stewardship. I find myself really excited about the work the committee has done and looking forward to sharing God's word on the subject. A lady asked me the other night why ministers don't preach tithing anymore. Good question! It's not a popular topic and I think some people don't want to face criticism for preaching what people don't want to hear. Please pray that, in all ways, I will be faithful to the word of God.

As a representative of the Older Adult Task Force at our local church I went to visit one of our Friend at Home couples this week. We had actually met the couple at a Parkinson's support group, not at church. She, the one with PD, is a retired piano professor and he is a retired band professor. God uses the experiences in our lives to help us with ministry and my visit with them was no exception. I have missed visiting with people, sharing the fellowship of the Body of Christ.

One afternoon I went over to Tommy's to sit with the two sleeping little girls while he went to get Jacob from school. About ten minutes after he left I heard little feet and here came Meredith with her "night night" into the den. She climbed up in my lap and tried so hard to keep her eyes open, but couldn't. Holding her, rocking her and looking down at her cherubic features made me reflect on words in Psalms 127 and 128. In the first, the psalmist writes of our children being a heritage and reward from the Lord and in the second he writes of blessings that come to the one who fears the Lord. The next to the last verse says: May you live to see your children's children. Meredith, remembering the psalms, remembering where we have been evoked prayers of gratitude. Pray without ceasing for your children and grandchildren. As the psalmist said, they are one of life's rewards.

Monday is test day in Memphis. I have blood work, scans and an appointment with the oncologist. If feeling is any indication of state of health, mine is excellent. The return of energy has been welcomed with more things to do with it. We expect a good report, but take nothing for granted. Please pray for continued remission or be bold and pray for healing like we do. I rest in God's faithful promises to always be with me!

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Good Morning America just announced the start of fall at 5:19 a.m. tomorrow, September 22. When I was younger, fall was my favorite time of year. I love the same things today that I loved then, but as life moves forward, I'm more appreciative of each day, each season, not wishing away today for tomorrow. I love the smells, the changing colors, the way the sun casts different patterns of shadows. I love football, the excitement of a new school year beginning, cooler weather (or at least the prospects). I love the anticipation of the coming holidays. Officially, fall begins tomorrow. Realistically, it's still summer here--lots of rain and stifling humidity. Would the real fall please hurry? We're ready!

Are there little things that irritate you? Things that start small, grow and become like the proverbial burr under the saddle? In my experience, fitted sheets wear out first, leaving you with mismatched flat sheets. Knowing that, I had stocked up on extra fitted sheets, buying them when available. Recently, I noticed that the flat sheet from a set whose fitted counterpart has already found its way to the rag bag, is wearing thin on the edges. That observation has started a search for a couple of extra flat sheets and I can find nothing but sheets in sets. I'm convinced that it's a marketing conspiracy, an effort to get consumers to buy two of something when you only need one.

Along the same lines is pre-packaged produce in the grocery store. I have always been bothered by going to buy grapes and finding them in little bags. Two people don't need a big bag of grapes. Maybe that's a practice common to grocery stores in the South. I have finally gotten over the guilt of standing in front of the display and emptying a bag of produce until it's the size I want. Wouldn't it just be easier to let folks choose how many they want or whether they need one or two sheets?

What about drivers who fly past on rain slicked highways, thinking one should drive the speed limit even when it's unsafe? Recently, I called to get a replacement newspaper for one that was too wet to read. The replacement came, but on the next day. Who wants to read yesterday's news? Today's is bad enough!

I know where to register my complaint about the newspaper--though Tom advised me to cool off before I made the contact, but who do I tell about the produce and the sheets? Will it matter? Am I the only one who with a beef? Am I whistling in the wind?

Thinking of things like being happy that it's fall again is probably more productive than dwelling on things that are irritating. I'm beginning to sound like the Israelites who grumbled in the desert: "what we had to eat as slaves in Egypt is better than what we have out here;" "we would rather have died back there than out here." Oh yes, another little irritant: people who complain.

Hope your day is full of good things!

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

What a busy week this has been! It's been full of all the things I did before I retired--a lunch meeting with area pastors on Monday, a lunch meeting Tuesday with an older adult task force at the Jackson church, mid-week supper and Bible study on Wednesday in Humboldt and a committee meeting in Germantown (East Memphis) today. I'm looking forward to a slower Friday and Saturday.

Tom had two falls last week that have literally knocked his feet out from under him. He fell on the porch last Tuesday afternoon, bruised and scraped his right arm and then Thursday night he fell across the arm of a chair and has a bruised rib. Consequently, I made the Memphis trip without him today. The falls have slowed him down a little, but he keeps looking forward with his amazing faith.

I still marvel at the way God brought us together so many years ago and how the love and respect continue to grow. If the love we had at the start had not grown, if honor were not a part of our relationship, if we did not respect each other and share the values we have, our days would be difficult to say the least. The dashing, svelte, young man in the uniform was replaced with a dignified lawyer in a three piece suit and regimental tie. Now, in the place of those two images is a tender, loving grandfather who has time and newfound energy to keep up with his grandchildren. His shoulders are slumped, unlike his military and lawyer postures; his speech is slower and sometimes slurred, also unlike the clipped military voice or the one used to try cases in court. I remember his years of leadership in the church and the presence he had in front of people. I also remember the years he spent sitting on the floor with pre-schoolers showing them and telling them about the love of God. The stately presence is only a memory; the tender, caring Tom is ever present. I cannot imagine life without him.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Stairs and pride seem to go together. You know. Pride goes before a fall. Stairs have previously been my "downfall" (no pun intended).

There is danger of my breaking an arm, patting myself on the back this afternoon. Picture a stately Southern mansion with a large staircase in the center of the entrance hall that goes to a landing, turning both to the right and the left at the top. Such is the staircase in the former mansion that houses the church offices, some rooms used for classes and others for receptions. I haven't been to the second floor in at least two years. The stairs were impossible for me to navigate. Shorter flights have been taken one step at a time, leaving me winded at the top. Today when we arrived at the church for Bible study I had something that needed to go to one of the secretaries on the second floor and I thought, "I can do this." And, I did. I walked up those stairs like a normal person, not one stair at a time, and wasn't winded at the top. Seriously, friends, that's an answer to prayer for energy and renewed strength!!

My excitement and enthusiasm for teaching and preaching continue to grow. There are some Sundays that I can't wait until the next one because I'm so excited about the series we're in. Next month I being teaching Joshua in a women's circle in our Jackson church and I'm really looking forward to that. I've also started writing daily Advent devotionals again, the ones this year based on Advent and Christmas hymns. We covet your prayers as we live each day at a time, trusting God for provision.

Life is lived one step (or stair) at a time. I would have wasted a lot less time in my life, had I embraced that fact at an earlier age.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

There is an addition to the Saturday story. The doorbell rang during the afternoon and I went, expecting to see the mail carrier. Instead, standing on our front porch was my new friend , holding her husband's hand and smiling sweetly. Her whole countenance had changed from the morning. All the fear had been replaced with an adoring look at her husband. He introduced himself, apologized for any inconvenience from the morning and thanked me for being here. Together they handed me a pot of mums full of buds. She invited me to come visit her sometime. When I told Tom the difference in her expression, he said, "Well, she had her rock this afternoon." It was reassuring and very tender to see them together.

This afternoon two of our granddaughters came to play. I love to witness their imaginations at work. They asked for a new pack of sidewalk chalk and took it to design and draw a "playhouse" all over our drive and parking area in the back. At one point they came in and said something about fixing a snack for their imaginary family and suddenly I was taken back sixty years to playing house in the backyard with my cousin Julia. We had an imaginary kitchen next to the smokehouse and Aunt May would let us get cornmeal/grits from the barrel in the pantry to stir into our mudpies. We had such fun. I hadn't thought of that in years, but smiled with the memories of those special days. Later the girls came inside and I showed them a drawer where I had been collecting dress up things for them. I can just imagine the look on their great grandmothers' faces if they could see them playing in perfectly good kid gloves!

I'm freezing cinnamon ice cream and getting ready to make apple cobbler. This morning I made Julia Child's potato and leek soup. It's one of my favorite kinds of days. I hope yours has been restful and fun.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

About ten this morning I was standing at the sink washing dishes when I heard the back door knob turn. I looked, expecting to see a grandchild, but instead an unfamiliar woman was opening the door and entering the house. At first I thought she had come to the wrong house and she would turn around when she saw that she didn't know me. Then I saw the expression of fear on her face and she began to mumble something about a man in her house who was trying to hurt her--she had escaped. I have seen that confused, fearful look in another's face and I recognized the signs of dementia. She begged me to close and lock my back door and to get somewhere the man couldn't see us or he would hurt me too.

I began to try to calm her fears and reassure her, knowing I was being logical and in her mind logic doesn't make sense anymore. Fortunately, she had a purse with her and I asked if she had a wallet that might tell me how I could call someone and let them know she was safe and with me. She gave me her checkbook that had both her name and address and the name of her daughter. I had determined that she was connected to the house just up the street on the corner, but that apparently was a part of her confusion. She wasn't sure where she lives now and there was a merging of the man she feared and her husband. I found her daughter in the phone book, called and identified myself,and gave a brief, but guarded, description of what was happening. I didn't want to say anything that would cause the woman not to trust me. The daughter arrived in about fifteen minutes to get her mother and demonstrated much love, kindness and patience as she helped her down the front steps and into her car. Apparently, the lady's husband had gone to the store, leaving his wife by herself and hallucinations became reality, forcing her to flee.

When I realized I was dealing with dementia, it took me back. Our mom was diagnosed with dementia in the early nineties and lived with it until Christmas of 1996. We witnessed confusion and frustration, experienced hallucinations and struggled with trying to know the best way to help both her and Dad. I never saw the extreme fear in Mom that the lady this morning had, but she seemed to confuse her knowledge of the Tom she loved so dearly and the Tom who was her care partner. All of those memories kicked in and were helpful--though the remembering was painful.

Mom was the smartest, most in control, kindest person and it was tough to watch her slip away. She was one of my staunchest supporters when I entered seminary and would have Dad get me on the phone in the afternoons so she could talk to me about the Greek and Hebrew I was taking. She had had a long career teaching Latin and Humanities and perked up when we'd discuss the languages. In the end, dementia destoyed her mind and her earthly body. The memories of Mom and of a special uncle who also died with dementia were overwhelming, but so useful when confronted with others who have similar illnesses and those who give them care.

The morning experience is a living illustration of how God provides for our needs. Tomorrow I'm beginning a series on leadership and the first topic is "Equipping the Chosen." After looking at how God equipped Jeremiah, Amos and the little boy with the lunch that fed 5000+ for their tasks, I plan to talk about how, as God's children, we are never called without being totally equipped. I believe that one of the ways we are made ready for what is immediately before us is to commit every minute of every day to God when the day begins. We never know who will be in the grocery checkout line with us or who will appear at our back door. We do know, however, that when we trust God, He will equip us.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

It is September! Hard to believe!! Bring on SEC football!!! Basketball won't be far behind. Yea!

Tom and I think and talk a lot about friends. This week that has been especially true. One night over this past weekend we talked with a younger attorney we haven't seen since leaving Mississippi. It was good to catch up with his family and to tell him about ours. It was good to talk about old times! He even remembered the name of the first band Marty had--Fellini's Raincoat. And, as so often is the case when I talk to someone who is Tom's friend, he told me what a mentor and friend Tom had been to him when he first began to practice.

Sunday the choir sang an arrangement of "Here I am, Lord." The text comes from the sixth chapter of Isaiah where Isaiah responds to God's call with those words. I was listening attentively as they sang, "I will go, Lord, if you need me. I will hold your people in my heart." It was if I was hearing those words for the first time, but not really. "I will go, Lord, if you need me" was my response ten years ago when we answered God's call to go to California. I'm not sure I answered as willingly as Isaiah did, but we went because we knew it was the right move for us. Almost every day since we headed West we have had more and more assurance that it indeed was the right move. At my stage in life there may not be much more "going," but there will always be answering and the people to whom God has called me will forever be held close in my heart. In my mind's eye I saw clearly the friends at Fair Oaks and joyful tears filled my eyes.

On Monday we feasted on good food brought by our Mississippi friends and good fellowship during a too short visit. We shared pictures and stories of grandchildren, caught up on what's going on with our children and talked about the church where we met years ago (they are all still active there). In addition to the lunch they brought, one came with Tom's favorite fudge squares from a landmark restaurant in Jackson (MS) and another brought homemade jam and scones for breakfast. I sent them home with apple butter we had made over the weekend and fried pies we had discovered in a downtown coffee shop. They spent about eight and a half hours in the car going and coming and not quite four hours here. We laugh a lot when we're together and shed a lot of tears when we wave goodbye. It was a grand visit!

If you are reading this as a friend, always remember this: we love you and hold you close, remembering with great warmth and gratitude the moments we have shared.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

On the way home from Bible study a little bit ago, I suddenly thought what a "normal" day this seems. That may seem strange, but though we live enthusiastically and joyfully, illness does play a big part in our lives. Today is different.

I was awakened by a friend in Mississippi, calling to say that she and two others are coming for lunch on Monday. Of course, they are bringing it and couldn't be talked out of it. They'll spend much more time in the car driving to and from than they will here, but they are FRIENDS--friends who even bring lunch and I can't wait to see them.

Tuesday was Presbytery, last night was first Wednesday supper of the year at Humboldt, we've made headway with closing Dad's estate, illness has taken a backseat. It's good to be "normal."

I saved the best til last! Sound the trumpets---grandchild #8 is a boy!!!! Marty called after the ultrasound today to tell us the good news. He's due January 26, on Christopher's second birthday. All is well; we're excited; and we're planning to go!

Nothing in life should ever be taken for granted. To be able to go to Bible study where and when we choose is one of the freedoms we have in this country. For us it's a special blessing to sit under the teaching of our son and learn from him. Most of us have acquaintances whose company we enjoy, but true friends are like rare jewels. How I value the jewels in our treasure chest! Being a part of the work of the church, getting chores done, continuing to live independently are all "normal" things for which I am thankful.

Today, most of all, we thank God for our children, their spouses and the special blessing of grandchildren!!

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

It's way past my bedtime. Lately, lying down in the bed is not as comfortable as sitting in the recliner with the warm rice bag on my lower back or hip joints. I can think of three things causing the discomfort: being overweight, a smidge of arthritis and age. Only the first has a remedy and I don't seem to get serious about taking off the pounds. It's my own fault I'm sleepless. The good part is I can read or study without any interruptions unless Tom gets up to make his nightly walk to the kitchen for something sweet to eat. You'd think he'd be the overweight one in the family.

Today, or I guess it's yesterday now, I offiiciated at a graveside service for a man I didn't know. One of the Humboldt members called Monday and asked if I would come. The man who died was deaf, mentally challenged, had multiple health problems prior to his death and apparently had no family--at least none who visited him. There must have been thirty or forty people who came to the cemetary to pay their respects and to mourn his passing--some care recipients like he had been, some people who provided care for him. It was obvious that the man was loved by each person present.

I was simply the facilitator, the one who read the Scriptures, prayed the prayers and said a few words about him, but I knew my presence was appreciated. Services like that touch lives; they remind me what ministry is all about. It is taking or making time to share God's love with those in crisis or who grieve. It is taking the hand of a hospital patient to pray with them; it is listening when no one else can or will. I love the teaching and preaching aspects of ministry and I love pastoral care. I cannot imagine ministry where all three are not present.

Sunday I'm preaching on the lost things in Luke 15--the lost sheep, a lost coin and the lost son. As I sat here a little while ago going over my sermon and thinking about the day, I was reminded that I thought ministry had been "lost" for me when we moved here. There have been months of rest and recuperation from illness, chemo and even a broken ankle and foot and some days it seemed I would never do anything, but sit and receive from others. I don't do that well. My prayers to be a servant seemed to stop at the ceiling. Deep down I knew God was hearing and that He was answering, but I still grumbled. Today, in that cemetary, I knew that ministry was not lost. It's been there all along in the midst of the blessings of children, grandchildren, new friends, teaching and preaching opportunities and the time to enjoy each of them. God does indeed work in mysterious ways.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Tom had a birthday this week and I have thoroughly enjoyed it right along with him. Our celebration is on hold until Sunday so we can have ice cream and cake with the grandchildren, but he has gotten numerous cards and phone calls. Of course, I also got to talk with friends who called. How we both love hearing from friends!

In addition to a birthday we have had doctors' visits in our week. We went to Corinth Monday for a blood draw and again today to see the doctor. Wednesday Tom had a check up with the GI doctor. All is well with him--except for the annoyances caused by his Parkinson's. Monday he sees the neurologist.

I had learned on Tuesday that my CA125 had risen a few more points, but is still under 35. We don't like rising numbers, but in a quiet time earlier in the summer, I suddenly was struck with the realization that the bloodcount is not the most powerful force in my life. After dreading hearing the number all these months, I put it in God's hands and He took away the worry and replaced it with peace. Today my doctor said he will only be upset if the number grows by leaps and bounds between blood draws. He still is satisfied with my state of health: I feel good; nothing hurts; I'm as normal as I will ever be (Tom grinned when I said I was normal); and Dr. Reed thinks the time off from treatment will help when I eventually do begin again. I am cleared for the next drug he will prescribe and his patients who have had this drug have responded well. Only God can be responsible for the renewed peace that fills me!!

Thank you for your prayers.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

In spite of living in unplanned retirement, I've found there are certain perks.

We have time to enjoy one another and to carry on whole conversations without rushing off to the office or to a meeting.

We have time to enjoy family--both the one around the corner and the one miles away. I can be on call to sit with grandchildren here or drop everything and head to North Carolina when the new grandchild arrives. When we vacation, we are not pushed to "check in," nor do we have to concern ourselves with "catch up" when we return.

I have time to cook, pretty much when and how much I choose. Our grandchildren think I exist to make dessert, so I try not to disappoint them. This summer I've found quick ways to make pie crust and dough for cobbler in the food processor--a handy find to use with all the peaches and blueberries we've consumed. We've also enjoyed cinnamon bread, mixed and kneaded in a matter of minutes in the food processor. Yesterday I cut back the basil on the front porch so I could make pesto to put in the freezer; cooked country fried steak, one of Tom's favorites, for dinner; and put together a casserole to share with family for Sunday dinner. Later today I'll make another favorite--frozen lime pie. It's fun to have time, not to have to make time to cook.

I also have time to read and read and read! I used to say: too many books; so little time. Now, I can read all day every day if I choose--well, not every day, but most days. At any rate, I do a lot of reading--everything from novels to cookbooks to non-fiction to Christian writings, including commentaries and books on the spiritual disciplines. Recently I have finished two books that I highly recommend: Eugene Peterson's A Long Obedience in the Same Direction and
The Path of Celtic Prayer by Calvin Miller.

The first is based on the Psalms of Ascent (120-134) and is sub-titled, "Discipleship in an Instant Society." For me it was a reminder of not only God's presence in my life, but His active presence. They were words I needed. After all these months of cancer, treatment, remission over and over my spiritual life can resemble a stagnant pool of water. Stagnant pools of water breed mosquitoes if allowed to stand; a stagnant spiritual life breeds questions and complacency.

The Miller book presents a fresh, in depth approach to prayer following the ways of the Celts. It probably does not have as broad an appeal as Peterson's book, but is worth a look to see for yourself. I loved it.

The perks of retirement: time for family, time for the kitchen, time to read.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

This will be short--just wanted to touch base since it's been a while since I've written. Tom and I left on July 24 and returned yesterday. We spent a wonderful, refreshing week in the Black Mountains in Western North Carolina with our daughter, her husband and our grandson--plus their two dogs. We visited the Biltmore House in Ashville and went one afternoon to the Montreat Conference Center bookstore and international shop. There is a saying among Southern Presbyterians that visiting Montreat at least once is a prerequisite to going to heaven. I know that's bad theology, but I also know that I feel a little closer to heaven when I'm on the Montreat grounds. We have special memories of conferences and being with friends and Marty and Kevin were married there. It is indeed a special place!

The best part was being with family, getting to know Christopher. He is an active, curious, energetic eighteen month old. Did I mention cute? He loves trains, books and music, not necessarily in that order and he loves to dance. I am amazed at how he can match tones and rhythmic patterns. It was a real treat to be with them!

Now we are home, trying to get reorganized with household chores, yardwork, committee meetings and sermon preparations, to say nothing of doctor appointments that begin again next week. School starts for students on Wednesday; teachers reported today, though Liz has already spent several days getting her classroom ready. What happened to summer?

Until later - - -
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Here it is the middle of July and we ate supper on the back porch! That's pretty unbelievable for this part of the country. I just about had our supper ready, the table was set and Tom stuck his head out the back door to check on something or other. He turned to me and said, "This would be a perfect night to eat outside if we had the right kind of lawn furniture." My reply was, "No problem. We can put a cloth on the card table and sit on the porch." I asked if he wanted to leave the table so we might have breakfast there in the morning. He thinks it might be too cool. Unbelievable!

I am picking up Sarah and Jake in the morning for a blueberry picking outing. We had planned to go Thursday, but thunderstorms kept us indoors. Now I'm glad because it will be more pleasant picking in the cooler temperatures. I hope we get enough to stock two freezers for the winter.

This morning I was awakened to the news that there was water all over the kitchen floor. I got up to see and we could not find the source of it. I checked all the usual things that might produce water--nothing. After lots of mopping and some discussion about what to tell the plumber, I called him. He came and he couldn't find a leak anywhere. He suggested we call an appliance repair person to check the fridge. Wouldn't you know it? He can't come until Monday. In the meantime, we continue to check the floor and hope for the best. The floor needed to be mopped anyway.

Sunday I'm preaching at the church here in Jackson. It promises to be an interesting morning. After the worship service there will be a brief interlude and then one of the young women in the church is getting married. The pastor is flying home early from his vacation to perform the ceremony--but I still get to preach. Then I'll have two Sundays off before going back to Humboldt.

I learned yesterday that a friend I've had since my college days had surgery for a malignant brain tumor Monday. Her only family is a cousin who has challenges of her own in her immediate family. But my friend has her church family. The mutual friend who called said, you know how close they can be sometimes. Boy, do I know! Please pray for my friend with the tumor. Her name is JuJu.

We still are amazed at the unbelievable blessings in our life and even more amazed at the awesome God who abundantly provides for us.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Today Tom and I made our trek to Corinth to see the oncologist. I wrote on Tuesday that as I heard the CA125 number I realized that I was trusting, depending on that number. I rejoice when it goes down; I shudder a bit when it goes the other way. Letting go of the number and depending completely on God has given me peaceful days this week instead of days of dread.

A second thing happened while we sat in the waiting room. I began reading A Long Obedience in the Same Direction a couple of months ago, but had put it down and hadn't continued until today. Written by one of my favorites, Eugene Peterson, it is based on the Psalms of Ascent. I returned to the chapter on Psalm 121, another of my favorites, and found words of real encouragement and affirmation. Peterson says that the psalm is one of promise, but not the promise of the absence of difficultites in the Christian's life. He emphasizes that God guards are lives and that we trust in the Creator, not the created. The focus is on the "guardian," not the difficulty. I need to be reminded sometimes.

The visit with the doctor went well and, yes, he said what we wanted to hear: "No treatment at this time." He says my number is fine and I look like I feel great--which I do. We talked a bit about treatment possibilities for the future, but not now. Our family has said lots of "thank yous" to God who continues to hold us in the palm of His hand.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Lessons and other things learned in the last few days are on my mind this evening. Our Fourth of July celebration was just as full of friends, family and food as I thought it would be. I learned that even the children like variations on potato salad. I found a recipe for Pesto Potato Salad, thinking that it might flop, but we finished it off with folks asking for more--including two of the grandchildren. It was fun having the house full while the table groaned under the weight of all the food.

I had been a little concerned about how the traditional Patriotic Sunday celebration would come together with my worship convictions. It was truly a wonderful service and I enjoyed every minute of writing and preaching the sermon. As I stood at the front waiting on everyone to be served communion I looked out over the congregation and was overcome with a true sense of family. I learned a lot about their tradition and how it has shaped them.

Today we learned that my CA125 is going the wrong way again--up, "but not too high," as the nurse reminded me. As I pondered the news, I learned something about myself. I have put too much trust in those numbers, forgetting that God is in control, not the blood test. At times I feel like a yo -yo: one month the count is good, one month it isn't and it's easy to become discouraged or just downright mad at the circumstances. When I see the doctor this Friday I'm going to ask about the latest treatment to see if I fit the protocol.

Tom and I both had eye check-ups this afternoon and learned that I have some minor changes--not enough to go through changing lens. Tom, on the other hand, could possibly be helped by changing his lens, so he let me choose the frames. He is moving from practical to cool!

Last week while Jake was at Boy Scout camp I learned things about Tommy's scout camp experiences that I hadn't heard before now. Jake had a wonderful time, earned merit badges in first aid, swimming and canoeing. Scouting has been important to the men in our family and we were so glad to learn of Jake's excitement and achievments.

I have learned many lessons dealing with the illnesses in our family and just when I think I've risen to the top of the class, I get my "come-upance" and realize I will never learn everything I need to know about God's loving care. Thankfully, He doesn't tire of teaching us.

You don't need to be told that the Fourth of July is Saturday. Flags will be waving; people will don their red, white and blue; there will be a parade, complete with bagpipes, at Montreat; there will be neighborhood parades; we'll enjoy the TV broadcast of the concert on the Capitol Mall once again; families will gather for reunions; the grills will be lit and piled high with ribs or hamburgers and hotdogs, chicken or steak; ice cream churns will be at work. Hopefully, we will all remember to thank God for the freedom we enjoy.

It's a secular holiday, a day that commemorates our independence, a day when we celebrate our freedom as a nation. No one is more thankful, nor patriotic than I am. My mother's only brother spent 32 years in the army, beginning as an enlisted man in the cavalry and retiring as a full colonel. On his bookcase sat four purple hearts. Tom was an artillery officer, serving a year in the Vietnam conflict. I do not have to be reminded of the price our military men and women have paid for our freedom. I know too well. It's a part of my family.

I am also mindful of the freedom I, as a believer, have in Jesus Christ. That freedom also came with a price, but one I did not have to pay. Were I too praise God constantly for the rest of my days, it would not be enough to express my gratitude for such freedom.

In many churches on Sunday, flags will be waving and patriotic songs will be sung. No doubt hearts will be stirred with the strains of "God Bless America." How our country was founded is important history, but even more important is how our Christian beliefs will affect our future. The church where I am currently preaching dubs the Sunday closest to the Fourth as Patriotic Sunday. I have been presented with, "This is what we do" and have struggled as I've tried to pair that with my conviction of what worship truly is. Please pray that God alone will be glorified.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret