Today Tom and I made our trek to Corinth to see the oncologist. I wrote on Tuesday that as I heard the CA125 number I realized that I was trusting, depending on that number. I rejoice when it goes down; I shudder a bit when it goes the other way. Letting go of the number and depending completely on God has given me peaceful days this week instead of days of dread.
A second thing happened while we sat in the waiting room. I began reading A Long Obedience in the Same Direction a couple of months ago, but had put it down and hadn't continued until today. Written by one of my favorites, Eugene Peterson, it is based on the Psalms of Ascent. I returned to the chapter on Psalm 121, another of my favorites, and found words of real encouragement and affirmation. Peterson says that the psalm is one of promise, but not the promise of the absence of difficultites in the Christian's life. He emphasizes that God guards are lives and that we trust in the Creator, not the created. The focus is on the "guardian," not the difficulty. I need to be reminded sometimes.
The visit with the doctor went well and, yes, he said what we wanted to hear: "No treatment at this time." He says my number is fine and I look like I feel great--which I do. We talked a bit about treatment possibilities for the future, but not now. Our family has said lots of "thank yous" to God who continues to hold us in the palm of His hand.