Almost three weeks . . .
have passed since my last post. Things have been busy and I have fought fatigue. Usual pursuits continue: reading, studying, cooking, knitting, resting and trying to get out of the house more. The weather has been both gorgeous and stormy at times. I don't do well with storms. Lightening struck electrical wires leading into our house when I was four and I have hated thunder storms ever since. Spring has emerged with a profusion of blossoms and a hefty amount of pollen has dusted all exposed surfaces. The blossoms are to be enjoyed and the pollen endured. Welcome, Spring! It's time to get the garden started.
Last Thursday was the end of scheduled chemo treatments that began the middle of May last year. Monday we travel to Jackson for PET/CT scans, a visit with the doctor and to have a frank discussion about what comes next. On the one hand, this has been a hard year, one I do not wish to repeat. But, on the other hand, the confinement has afforded me much needed time to grow spiritually, to reflect on my life--past, present and future. God has dealt sternly and gently with me. He has increased my trust, assured me of His Presence and given me peace when all I really wanted was to have my own way. I expect no surprises when I see the doctor next week. Tests to this point have been good. One would expect to be able to eliminate treatment, but I'm told that with my history of this disease that has been declared "incurable," if/when it returns, it will be harder to control. I covet your prayers as the decision is made concerning the next step.
On Good Friday my Bible reading took me to the account of Abraham, Sarah and the Covenant in Genesis. As familiar as it is, this is a story that never ceases to stir my soul. Beginning in chapter 17, it says: When Abram was ninety-nine years old, God showed up and said to him, "I am The Strong God, live entirely before me, live to the hilt! I'll make a covenant between us and I'll give you a huge family." Overwhelmed, Abram fell flat on his face. (The Message)
We know what has come earlier: Abram had been promised an heir, but Sarai had not conceived. Impatiently taking things into her own hands she gave her husband Hagar so that a son might come from that union. Ishmael was born, but was not the promised heir. Now, both Abram and Sarai are old, well beyond childbearing years, but God promises again, proclaiming Who He is, demanding obedience and trust. Abram was overwhelmed, so much so he fell on his face.
I had to stop, ask myself: "Am I overwhelmed by God? Have I ever been?" In the everyday experiences of life, do I live and depend on the promises of God? Do I accept that He is "The Strong God?" Do I "live entirely before God?" Do I live "to the hilt?" Does God's promise to never leave me or forsake me overwhelm me?
It was Good Friday, another day acknowledged during Holy Week. Again, there were questions. This is the day we remember the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross for us--for ME. Does that not give one pause to think of God's overwhelming love? And then to realize, "It's Friday, but Sunday's Coming," only added to the sense of being overwhelmed. I can only praise God for I am truly blessed.
Overwhelmed is a word that has been much on my mind this week. It describes how I feel about what God has done for me, what God is doing now and what God has planned for my future.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
Thursday, April 03, 2014
It must be Spring . . .
The crawfish are plentiful! Sunday afternoon we hosted a crawfish boil for Tommy's Sunday School class (including their children), younger singles and the youth of the church. A fine time was had by all! The official cook used a new recipe and it was proclaimed a winner. Tables in the carport are piled high with crawfish, corn on the cob, potatoes and sausage and people stand around special tables to peel and eat. The tables are actually big pieces of plywood that have been treated and varnished (so as to be easy to clean) and have holes cut in them. The wood is set on large, lined trash receptacles that have been placed under the holes. That makes it easy for people to peel, drop the shells in the holes and eat. The downside is there isn't much meat in one crawfish so you spend more time peeling than you do eating. I like the social aspect, but prefer what Tommy concocts with the leftover meat.
It has also warmed up just enough for us to pot new herbs and arrange all the plants outside my door. Though our winter was colder than usual, we did have several things left from last summer. I am impatient for tomatoes! After a week of feeling wrung out, I rebounded and went with Liz to the nursery on Saturday. It was great to be out and to wander around looking at bedding plants in the greenhouses.
Tommy took Maggie, our Great Pyrenees, to be spayed this week. She is ONE UNHAPPY DOG. If only someone would invent something to replace those cones the vets use to prevent the dogs from gnawing at their stitches. Hers looks like a big lampshade, bumps into everything and makes it really difficult to walk down the steps when she needs to go outside. I am praying for a speedy recovery.
For a while now, I have been thinking of blogging about prayer--specifically the importance of praying for our children and grandchildren. In the opening verses of II Timothy, Paul tells Timothy how he prays for him and gives thanks for him and his faith. Next, Paul mentions Timothy's mother and grandmother and the "rich faith they handed down to him." We know that faith is personal, that one cannot rely on the faith of another. We also know that our faith is shared by the way we live and by what we say. Sharing our faith is an inheritance we leave family and friends. As I read and meditated on these opening verses, I thought about my own two children and eight grandchildren and began to pray more specifically and diligently for them, thanking God that another grandmother also prays daily for them. I found it relatively easy to be specific in my prayers for those who live just across the pool, but was not satisfied with how I was praying for those miles away. I asked Marty to send me a schedule of activities and other basics about Mallory and the boys. Now, I can be more specific about them and even though I can't see them as often as I'd like, I feel more involved in their lives.
My prayers include asking for guidance, wisdom in how I relate to them. This week something special happened. Meredith, the second grader, is very creative, sensitive, loves her friends, but is somewhat shy and unsure of herself. She has mentioned from time to time a problem with one of her "BFFs" at school, but the problem has escalated and has made Meredith most unhappy. Saturday afternoon when she was here by herself, I asked her what was going on with the friend and she told me. Instead of giving her the usual, "that's the way things happen at your age, etc.," I told her that I prayed for her every morning and that I would begin on Monday to pray specifically for the other girl, how they got along and that she, Meredith, would know how to be a friend and do the right thing, regardless of how she was treated. Furthermore, I would follow up to see how things went that day. That was my promise to her. Every day this week she has come straight over when she got home from school, asked me if I prayed and told me about her day. Yesterday, she said, "Did you pray this morning?" I said that I did and she said, "Well, praying works. Things are much better," and went on to tell me about her day.
I am thankful for lessons both of us learned, for prayers answered for Meredith and her problem and for answered prayer to how I can better relate to each of the grands. We cannot give our faith to our children and grandchildren, but we can surely share it!
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
The crawfish are plentiful! Sunday afternoon we hosted a crawfish boil for Tommy's Sunday School class (including their children), younger singles and the youth of the church. A fine time was had by all! The official cook used a new recipe and it was proclaimed a winner. Tables in the carport are piled high with crawfish, corn on the cob, potatoes and sausage and people stand around special tables to peel and eat. The tables are actually big pieces of plywood that have been treated and varnished (so as to be easy to clean) and have holes cut in them. The wood is set on large, lined trash receptacles that have been placed under the holes. That makes it easy for people to peel, drop the shells in the holes and eat. The downside is there isn't much meat in one crawfish so you spend more time peeling than you do eating. I like the social aspect, but prefer what Tommy concocts with the leftover meat.
It has also warmed up just enough for us to pot new herbs and arrange all the plants outside my door. Though our winter was colder than usual, we did have several things left from last summer. I am impatient for tomatoes! After a week of feeling wrung out, I rebounded and went with Liz to the nursery on Saturday. It was great to be out and to wander around looking at bedding plants in the greenhouses.
Tommy took Maggie, our Great Pyrenees, to be spayed this week. She is ONE UNHAPPY DOG. If only someone would invent something to replace those cones the vets use to prevent the dogs from gnawing at their stitches. Hers looks like a big lampshade, bumps into everything and makes it really difficult to walk down the steps when she needs to go outside. I am praying for a speedy recovery.
For a while now, I have been thinking of blogging about prayer--specifically the importance of praying for our children and grandchildren. In the opening verses of II Timothy, Paul tells Timothy how he prays for him and gives thanks for him and his faith. Next, Paul mentions Timothy's mother and grandmother and the "rich faith they handed down to him." We know that faith is personal, that one cannot rely on the faith of another. We also know that our faith is shared by the way we live and by what we say. Sharing our faith is an inheritance we leave family and friends. As I read and meditated on these opening verses, I thought about my own two children and eight grandchildren and began to pray more specifically and diligently for them, thanking God that another grandmother also prays daily for them. I found it relatively easy to be specific in my prayers for those who live just across the pool, but was not satisfied with how I was praying for those miles away. I asked Marty to send me a schedule of activities and other basics about Mallory and the boys. Now, I can be more specific about them and even though I can't see them as often as I'd like, I feel more involved in their lives.
My prayers include asking for guidance, wisdom in how I relate to them. This week something special happened. Meredith, the second grader, is very creative, sensitive, loves her friends, but is somewhat shy and unsure of herself. She has mentioned from time to time a problem with one of her "BFFs" at school, but the problem has escalated and has made Meredith most unhappy. Saturday afternoon when she was here by herself, I asked her what was going on with the friend and she told me. Instead of giving her the usual, "that's the way things happen at your age, etc.," I told her that I prayed for her every morning and that I would begin on Monday to pray specifically for the other girl, how they got along and that she, Meredith, would know how to be a friend and do the right thing, regardless of how she was treated. Furthermore, I would follow up to see how things went that day. That was my promise to her. Every day this week she has come straight over when she got home from school, asked me if I prayed and told me about her day. Yesterday, she said, "Did you pray this morning?" I said that I did and she said, "Well, praying works. Things are much better," and went on to tell me about her day.
I am thankful for lessons both of us learned, for prayers answered for Meredith and her problem and for answered prayer to how I can better relate to each of the grands. We cannot give our faith to our children and grandchildren, but we can surely share it!
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Finally, I got to the computer . . .
. . . to write a word or two. It has been an interesting and busy few days for someone who has limited exposure to the outside world. Last Thursday was a treatment day and what a good day it was! My counts were a bit down, but not so much that I couldn't be treated. Since the treatment my body has let me know that they have continued their downward turn. I have been foggy, listless, fatigued and good for nothing. Okay, that's natural for me, but lately, more than usual. In the infusion room, I met and visited with three new folks, something I always enjoy. One was a gentleman, about my age and a fellow Presbyterian. Another was the husband of a lady being treated for a "second time around" cancer and he was noticeably nervous and anxious for her. The third was a beautiful young woman, thirty-three years old, married with two children, being treated for breast cancer. It was encouraging to witness her attitude, her trust and her determination. I also took a prayer shawl to leave for a man I met about a month ago and a fuzzy chemo hat for another friend I have made there. Making friends, sharing stories, being able to tell of God's goodness make trips to the cancer center good days.
The last few days the devotionals in Jesus Calling have emphasized trust more than usual--or maybe it just seems that way since trust needs underscoring in my life. Getting close to the end of this year long regiment of chemo, I tend to get anxious, look ahead and plan what I can do next. I know I drive my son crazy, complaining about being confined, not being able to drive, go where I want to go. This morning the devotional reminded the reader to be thankful, not complain. Let God be in control of our circumstances.
I really do complain a lot! Instead of thanking God for gifts of sunshine and rain, plants and flowers, I complain about the weather that's not to my liking. Instead of thanking God for the care my son provides, willingly, for me, I complain when I think he's overprotective. Instead of thanking God for the wonderful life He has given me, I complain, complain, complain. What I'm really doing is denying the Presence and the Peace of God. I am putting my trust in myself, when I know full well that Peace only comes with His Presence! Excuses are not acceptable, but I will say that the fatigue, the foggy brain, the listlessness all contribute to the complaints. We must be alert, aware of God's faithfulness, God's unchanging love, care, healing; God's Presence.
Give God the glory in all things!
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
. . . to write a word or two. It has been an interesting and busy few days for someone who has limited exposure to the outside world. Last Thursday was a treatment day and what a good day it was! My counts were a bit down, but not so much that I couldn't be treated. Since the treatment my body has let me know that they have continued their downward turn. I have been foggy, listless, fatigued and good for nothing. Okay, that's natural for me, but lately, more than usual. In the infusion room, I met and visited with three new folks, something I always enjoy. One was a gentleman, about my age and a fellow Presbyterian. Another was the husband of a lady being treated for a "second time around" cancer and he was noticeably nervous and anxious for her. The third was a beautiful young woman, thirty-three years old, married with two children, being treated for breast cancer. It was encouraging to witness her attitude, her trust and her determination. I also took a prayer shawl to leave for a man I met about a month ago and a fuzzy chemo hat for another friend I have made there. Making friends, sharing stories, being able to tell of God's goodness make trips to the cancer center good days.
The last few days the devotionals in Jesus Calling have emphasized trust more than usual--or maybe it just seems that way since trust needs underscoring in my life. Getting close to the end of this year long regiment of chemo, I tend to get anxious, look ahead and plan what I can do next. I know I drive my son crazy, complaining about being confined, not being able to drive, go where I want to go. This morning the devotional reminded the reader to be thankful, not complain. Let God be in control of our circumstances.
I really do complain a lot! Instead of thanking God for gifts of sunshine and rain, plants and flowers, I complain about the weather that's not to my liking. Instead of thanking God for the care my son provides, willingly, for me, I complain when I think he's overprotective. Instead of thanking God for the wonderful life He has given me, I complain, complain, complain. What I'm really doing is denying the Presence and the Peace of God. I am putting my trust in myself, when I know full well that Peace only comes with His Presence! Excuses are not acceptable, but I will say that the fatigue, the foggy brain, the listlessness all contribute to the complaints. We must be alert, aware of God's faithfulness, God's unchanging love, care, healing; God's Presence.
Give God the glory in all things!
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Sunday, March 16, 2014
A big clap of thunder . . .
awoke me this morning about 4 a.m. We had had a steady rain most of the night, then came the thunder storms rolling through the area. What started out to be nasty weather changed to a fairly nice day. To say we are all ready for Spring is definitely an understatement! Though it's not officially Spring until later in the week, the schools around here had Spring Break this past week. Liz and the children got to spend a couple of days with her parents, Sarah went to Destin with a friend for a few days and we got some pruning and clean up done around the property. I watched lots of SEC basketball and now look forward to the NCAA Tournament.
Thursday also brought a checkup with the doctor and the start of the next to the last cycle of treatment in this regimen. I seem to be tolerating things better and the tumor count is holding steady. Our hope and prayer is that soon I will be able to take less medicine.
I still have issues with technology. One day this past week I spent a long time carefully putting my thoughts into words, only to hit publish and lose the blog. I have no idea what happened. I have been rereading Paul and the Self, a text required for a course in the Pauline Epistles in seminary. The second time around is better than the first. At times I feel as if I am staring at myself in the mirror, especially as I read about the sin of pride and I do not like what I see. How many people have been hurt by my selfishness, my determination to be right, my opinions? I wish I could go back, beg forgiveness, undo the things I've done, the words I've said that hurt--all those words and deeds that have not brought glory to God. Thankfully, God is a God of forgiveness and second chances. God never gives up on us. Some give things up during Lent. What better to give up than pride! What better focus can we have than to acknowledge the life, the freedom we have as believers in Christ!
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
awoke me this morning about 4 a.m. We had had a steady rain most of the night, then came the thunder storms rolling through the area. What started out to be nasty weather changed to a fairly nice day. To say we are all ready for Spring is definitely an understatement! Though it's not officially Spring until later in the week, the schools around here had Spring Break this past week. Liz and the children got to spend a couple of days with her parents, Sarah went to Destin with a friend for a few days and we got some pruning and clean up done around the property. I watched lots of SEC basketball and now look forward to the NCAA Tournament.
Thursday also brought a checkup with the doctor and the start of the next to the last cycle of treatment in this regimen. I seem to be tolerating things better and the tumor count is holding steady. Our hope and prayer is that soon I will be able to take less medicine.
I still have issues with technology. One day this past week I spent a long time carefully putting my thoughts into words, only to hit publish and lose the blog. I have no idea what happened. I have been rereading Paul and the Self, a text required for a course in the Pauline Epistles in seminary. The second time around is better than the first. At times I feel as if I am staring at myself in the mirror, especially as I read about the sin of pride and I do not like what I see. How many people have been hurt by my selfishness, my determination to be right, my opinions? I wish I could go back, beg forgiveness, undo the things I've done, the words I've said that hurt--all those words and deeds that have not brought glory to God. Thankfully, God is a God of forgiveness and second chances. God never gives up on us. Some give things up during Lent. What better to give up than pride! What better focus can we have than to acknowledge the life, the freedom we have as believers in Christ!
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Saturday, March 01, 2014
The day dawned . . .
. . . sunny and warm after beginning the previous two days to temps in the upper twenties. With days like today and the presence of budding tulip trees and pretty yellow daffodils, it's hard not to try to hurry Spring. Understand, I'm not complaining. Too many people across the country are suffering with the bizarre weather we've had this winter. Liz and I have tried to get herbs, but the nurseries are just now getting them planted themselves. Our parsley, rosemary, oregano, mint and chives all survived being moved about, covered, etc. and are "happy" to be back outside enjoying the sun. We have new baby chicks here, as does Marty in North Carolina. I still chuckle to myself when I think of both my city grown children enjoying an aspect of country life. Of course, having fresh eggs is nothing to chuckle about!
I'm on a hiatus from chemo until March 13 when I see the doctor and begin the next to the last cycle of this regimen. It's good to have energy! Today, with the hint of Spring, I had to remind myself to not do too much. I, who hate cleaning, even enjoyed the small amount of Spring cleaning I did.
About two weeks ago I started reading the last two books of the Bible to complete this "read through:" I and II Chronicles. They are the last two because of the system I've been using this time, but I also have to say that I have been only too happy to read them last, even though one of my favorite passages is in I Chronicles 29 where David addresses God. Otherwise, I find lists of names and numbers tedious to read, but know they have a place. I remember the words of a favorite Old Testament professor reminding us often that there is theology in every passage and I reminded myself as I began Chronicles of his words. That, coupled with Solomon's prayer asking for a "God listening heart," has made Chronicles come alive this time through and I am aware of how God is speaking to me at this time in my life. If I live to be a hundred, I will continue to be amazed at the way God uses His Word in our lives.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
. . . sunny and warm after beginning the previous two days to temps in the upper twenties. With days like today and the presence of budding tulip trees and pretty yellow daffodils, it's hard not to try to hurry Spring. Understand, I'm not complaining. Too many people across the country are suffering with the bizarre weather we've had this winter. Liz and I have tried to get herbs, but the nurseries are just now getting them planted themselves. Our parsley, rosemary, oregano, mint and chives all survived being moved about, covered, etc. and are "happy" to be back outside enjoying the sun. We have new baby chicks here, as does Marty in North Carolina. I still chuckle to myself when I think of both my city grown children enjoying an aspect of country life. Of course, having fresh eggs is nothing to chuckle about!
I'm on a hiatus from chemo until March 13 when I see the doctor and begin the next to the last cycle of this regimen. It's good to have energy! Today, with the hint of Spring, I had to remind myself to not do too much. I, who hate cleaning, even enjoyed the small amount of Spring cleaning I did.
About two weeks ago I started reading the last two books of the Bible to complete this "read through:" I and II Chronicles. They are the last two because of the system I've been using this time, but I also have to say that I have been only too happy to read them last, even though one of my favorite passages is in I Chronicles 29 where David addresses God. Otherwise, I find lists of names and numbers tedious to read, but know they have a place. I remember the words of a favorite Old Testament professor reminding us often that there is theology in every passage and I reminded myself as I began Chronicles of his words. That, coupled with Solomon's prayer asking for a "God listening heart," has made Chronicles come alive this time through and I am aware of how God is speaking to me at this time in my life. If I live to be a hundred, I will continue to be amazed at the way God uses His Word in our lives.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Saturday, February 22, 2014
They had no idea . . .
It has been a week of unexpected blessings; things that brought smiles and warm feelings; things that remind me that I am loved. Because February is a month of remembering, it could easily become sad, full of tears and loneliness, but it's anything but. One morning, as Tommy was taking me to the doctor, we had the usual talk show on the radio. The hosts were going on and on about Valentine's Day, ways to celebrate, etc. when an older woman called into the show and complained. She told them that they should be more sensitive to the listeners who were alone and would have no one sending them cards or candy, It seems she had been widowed for seven years and all she could think about were the "alone" years. At first, the hosts tried to determine if the woman had children or grandchildren and when that got them nowhere, they asked about other friends who were also widows. She ignored suggestion after suggestion, insisting on talking about how insensitive they were and how lonely she was. Finally, they got her off the phone. I wanted to reach into the radio, give her a good shake and share some advice a wise woman gave me when Tom died. She said, "Life is full of choices. When my husband died, I thought, 'I can either choose to be controlled by my sadness and loneliness or I can choose to remember good times and the joy we shared. I chose joy and I've never been sorry.'" Those words needed to be heard by the woman on the radio, though I suspect they would have been wasted. They took with me.
Sunday I attended worship with my Westminster family for the first time since last April. Though I avoided the crowd, sat in the balcony and slipped out as the service was ending, it was so good to actually be present in worship, surrounded by family.
Tuesday would have been our 47th wedding anniversary and I relived that day over and over as I sat here knitting. Late in the afternoon, Meredith and Elisa burst into the house, telling me they had a surprise. Each had hidden behind their backs a yellow daffodil. I didn't even know we had any, but they had seen them and brought them to me. They weren't as large as the King Alfred ones that were in my wedding bouquet, but they were a happy reminder. The girls had no idea; an unexpected blessing.
In the midst of an extraordinarily busy day, there came an unexpected e-mail from Marty, saying that she had been thinking about me all day. She remembered. A friend from Jackson called just to say hello. She had no idea; I didn't tell her, but talking to her that particular day reminded me of all the good times we had shared as couples.
February has one more big event for our family and the daily "remembering" will be tucked away until next year. Marty celebrates a birthday Monday. She is such a blessing to me! I will have a good day remembering and celebrating her!!
Tom always talked about the glass being "half full," never "half empty." He was right. It was his way of saying to be thankful for all that we do have, instead of complaining about what we do not have. Especially, this February I chose joy, not sadness and I have been richly blessed.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
It has been a week of unexpected blessings; things that brought smiles and warm feelings; things that remind me that I am loved. Because February is a month of remembering, it could easily become sad, full of tears and loneliness, but it's anything but. One morning, as Tommy was taking me to the doctor, we had the usual talk show on the radio. The hosts were going on and on about Valentine's Day, ways to celebrate, etc. when an older woman called into the show and complained. She told them that they should be more sensitive to the listeners who were alone and would have no one sending them cards or candy, It seems she had been widowed for seven years and all she could think about were the "alone" years. At first, the hosts tried to determine if the woman had children or grandchildren and when that got them nowhere, they asked about other friends who were also widows. She ignored suggestion after suggestion, insisting on talking about how insensitive they were and how lonely she was. Finally, they got her off the phone. I wanted to reach into the radio, give her a good shake and share some advice a wise woman gave me when Tom died. She said, "Life is full of choices. When my husband died, I thought, 'I can either choose to be controlled by my sadness and loneliness or I can choose to remember good times and the joy we shared. I chose joy and I've never been sorry.'" Those words needed to be heard by the woman on the radio, though I suspect they would have been wasted. They took with me.
Sunday I attended worship with my Westminster family for the first time since last April. Though I avoided the crowd, sat in the balcony and slipped out as the service was ending, it was so good to actually be present in worship, surrounded by family.
Tuesday would have been our 47th wedding anniversary and I relived that day over and over as I sat here knitting. Late in the afternoon, Meredith and Elisa burst into the house, telling me they had a surprise. Each had hidden behind their backs a yellow daffodil. I didn't even know we had any, but they had seen them and brought them to me. They weren't as large as the King Alfred ones that were in my wedding bouquet, but they were a happy reminder. The girls had no idea; an unexpected blessing.
In the midst of an extraordinarily busy day, there came an unexpected e-mail from Marty, saying that she had been thinking about me all day. She remembered. A friend from Jackson called just to say hello. She had no idea; I didn't tell her, but talking to her that particular day reminded me of all the good times we had shared as couples.
February has one more big event for our family and the daily "remembering" will be tucked away until next year. Marty celebrates a birthday Monday. She is such a blessing to me! I will have a good day remembering and celebrating her!!
Tom always talked about the glass being "half full," never "half empty." He was right. It was his way of saying to be thankful for all that we do have, instead of complaining about what we do not have. Especially, this February I chose joy, not sadness and I have been richly blessed.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Sunshine was a welcome sight . . .
. . . after days of rain and cold temperatures. Then I think of all those suffering with blizzard conditions, no power, flooding and those who need rain so desperately. We are never satisfied with what we have. I need to remember to be thankful for what I have instead of complaining. The weather people say we are having a warming trend this week which could, of course, mean severe weather warnings. See? There's a hint of complaint in that statement.
Thursday was a doctor day and the start of another treatment cycle. Everything went well, though the day was extremely long. The infusion room was so crowded that I had to wait several minutes to even get an empty chair. When I did, I was seated between two first timers, both of whom were being treated for breast cancer. I am usually not very chatty, staying busy with my knitting or a book, but these women wanted to talk, ask questions. It was good to listen to their stories, share my journey and speak of our faithful God. Please pray that I will be faithful to give God the glory for what He has done.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
. . . after days of rain and cold temperatures. Then I think of all those suffering with blizzard conditions, no power, flooding and those who need rain so desperately. We are never satisfied with what we have. I need to remember to be thankful for what I have instead of complaining. The weather people say we are having a warming trend this week which could, of course, mean severe weather warnings. See? There's a hint of complaint in that statement.
Thursday was a doctor day and the start of another treatment cycle. Everything went well, though the day was extremely long. The infusion room was so crowded that I had to wait several minutes to even get an empty chair. When I did, I was seated between two first timers, both of whom were being treated for breast cancer. I am usually not very chatty, staying busy with my knitting or a book, but these women wanted to talk, ask questions. It was good to listen to their stories, share my journey and speak of our faithful God. Please pray that I will be faithful to give God the glory for what He has done.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Saturday, February 08, 2014
End of Life Decisions . . .
. . . should never be put off, no matter what your age or circumstances. Our affairs had been in order, but an update has been needed. Tom and I depended on each other to carry out the details, but when you are alone, all the details may not be known. Thus, these end of life decisions have been weighing heavily on my mind lately. At my age and with my health issues, I have known I needed to get my affairs in order, sooner, rather than later. My "first thing in the morning" routine on Thursday was used in a mighty way to assure, remind and provide new insight.
Thursday was the second anniversary of Susan's passing. She was Marty's oldest and dearest friend; wife, mother, daughter, sister, a nuclear physicist who worked for NASA. A couple of months after the birth of their second child, inflammatory breast cancer, a cancer that is aggressive and deadly, was discovered. As a tribute to Susan on that anniversary, some friends posted a recording of "His Eye is on the Sparrow," arranged and sung by Marty at Susan's memorial service. It was the first thing I saw and heard on Facebook that day. "Why should I be discouraged? . . . Why should my heart be lonely, when Jesus is my portion, my constant friend is He? . . . I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free. His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me." That was Susan's conviction, the way she lived the few short years after diagnosis. Almighty God who created the heavens and the earth, who is sovereign over all His creation, cares for the most insignificant sparrow and I KNOW He cares for me. Wonderful assurance!
The reminder came in the first chapter of II Timothy. Paul is writing to his friend and co-worker, Timothy. It's obvious from the beginning verses that Paul cares deeply for Timothy, he is grateful for him and gently, but firmly, instructs him on ministry matters. Paul is grateful for Timothy's rich faith that was "handed down to him by his grandmother and mother, Eunice." They were used by God to instruct Timothy by their nurture, their teaching of God's word and by their very lives to instill in him a deep and rich faith. I have been concerned that Tom's wishes to help with our grandchildren's education be carried out to the letter. That has been uppermost in my mind as I update my will. Do what Tom wanted; make some provision for the grandchildren! A few simple words in II Timothy reminded me that even more important than a few dollars for education is that I am faithful to God's word in my words and actions. To help guide the children in their faith is the best I can do. As someone posted on FB this morning, I need to be the person I want my children/grandchildren to be.
I often think about life and death, not just my own, but that of others, as well. Why do some live extraordinarily long lives and others don't? Why is one life sustained, another cut short? Why did such a exceptional person like Susan die so young? Why was Tom stricken with Parkinson's? Why have I been given bonus years? Most of us have questions. Have you ever said: "I have read that passage many times, but not until now did I notice __________?" ( You fill in the blank.) That happened Thursday. R.C. Sproul has written outlines for the books of the Bible for the New Geneva Study Bible that are concise and a good accompaniment to daily reading. Dr. Sproul, in writing on the characteristics of and the themes in II Timothy, says that Paul's situation is bleak. He is in prison, he has been abandoned by friends and he could no longer "look forward to fruitful ministry." Yet, Paul remained faithful and confident. He knew that the One who had provided for him, rescuing him FROM death, would also rescue him THROUGH death. Susan and Tom had been rescued, just as I will be . . . and you and you and you. Susan had suffered a lot of physical pain; Tom suffered the loss of physical and cognitive function; health crises have been a part of my life. Our decisions to LIVE by God's grace is something the three of us held in common. We knew God was rescuing us FROM death and that in His time, He would rescue us from pain and loss THROUGH death. New insight from II Timothy.
Susan's family and friends miss her no less and will always remember the anniversary of her rescue; Tom' family and friends miss him no less and will always remember the anniversary (2-7-11) of his rescue; my family and friends continue to pray for my rescue from death. Being rescued through death is yet to come. Til then, I will remember and praise God for His eye being on me and I will ask God to show me how to share the best gift of all, belief in Him.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
. . . should never be put off, no matter what your age or circumstances. Our affairs had been in order, but an update has been needed. Tom and I depended on each other to carry out the details, but when you are alone, all the details may not be known. Thus, these end of life decisions have been weighing heavily on my mind lately. At my age and with my health issues, I have known I needed to get my affairs in order, sooner, rather than later. My "first thing in the morning" routine on Thursday was used in a mighty way to assure, remind and provide new insight.
Thursday was the second anniversary of Susan's passing. She was Marty's oldest and dearest friend; wife, mother, daughter, sister, a nuclear physicist who worked for NASA. A couple of months after the birth of their second child, inflammatory breast cancer, a cancer that is aggressive and deadly, was discovered. As a tribute to Susan on that anniversary, some friends posted a recording of "His Eye is on the Sparrow," arranged and sung by Marty at Susan's memorial service. It was the first thing I saw and heard on Facebook that day. "Why should I be discouraged? . . . Why should my heart be lonely, when Jesus is my portion, my constant friend is He? . . . I sing because I'm happy, I sing because I'm free. His eye is on the sparrow and I know He watches me." That was Susan's conviction, the way she lived the few short years after diagnosis. Almighty God who created the heavens and the earth, who is sovereign over all His creation, cares for the most insignificant sparrow and I KNOW He cares for me. Wonderful assurance!
The reminder came in the first chapter of II Timothy. Paul is writing to his friend and co-worker, Timothy. It's obvious from the beginning verses that Paul cares deeply for Timothy, he is grateful for him and gently, but firmly, instructs him on ministry matters. Paul is grateful for Timothy's rich faith that was "handed down to him by his grandmother and mother, Eunice." They were used by God to instruct Timothy by their nurture, their teaching of God's word and by their very lives to instill in him a deep and rich faith. I have been concerned that Tom's wishes to help with our grandchildren's education be carried out to the letter. That has been uppermost in my mind as I update my will. Do what Tom wanted; make some provision for the grandchildren! A few simple words in II Timothy reminded me that even more important than a few dollars for education is that I am faithful to God's word in my words and actions. To help guide the children in their faith is the best I can do. As someone posted on FB this morning, I need to be the person I want my children/grandchildren to be.
I often think about life and death, not just my own, but that of others, as well. Why do some live extraordinarily long lives and others don't? Why is one life sustained, another cut short? Why did such a exceptional person like Susan die so young? Why was Tom stricken with Parkinson's? Why have I been given bonus years? Most of us have questions. Have you ever said: "I have read that passage many times, but not until now did I notice __________?" ( You fill in the blank.) That happened Thursday. R.C. Sproul has written outlines for the books of the Bible for the New Geneva Study Bible that are concise and a good accompaniment to daily reading. Dr. Sproul, in writing on the characteristics of and the themes in II Timothy, says that Paul's situation is bleak. He is in prison, he has been abandoned by friends and he could no longer "look forward to fruitful ministry." Yet, Paul remained faithful and confident. He knew that the One who had provided for him, rescuing him FROM death, would also rescue him THROUGH death. Susan and Tom had been rescued, just as I will be . . . and you and you and you. Susan had suffered a lot of physical pain; Tom suffered the loss of physical and cognitive function; health crises have been a part of my life. Our decisions to LIVE by God's grace is something the three of us held in common. We knew God was rescuing us FROM death and that in His time, He would rescue us from pain and loss THROUGH death. New insight from II Timothy.
Susan's family and friends miss her no less and will always remember the anniversary of her rescue; Tom' family and friends miss him no less and will always remember the anniversary (2-7-11) of his rescue; my family and friends continue to pray for my rescue from death. Being rescued through death is yet to come. Til then, I will remember and praise God for His eye being on me and I will ask God to show me how to share the best gift of all, belief in Him.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Saturday, February 01, 2014
What a week . . .
Very early morning on Monday we were on the road to Jackson for a 7:30 appointment. It was a little foggy, misting rain, we missed a turn which delayed us, made us encounter bad traffic right outside Jackson, thus making me an hour late getting started. I always dread the process, knowing that it never runs smoothly. But, seeing the doctor, hearing his evaluation is usually worth the wait and the frustration. Monday was no exception. He reported that the scans (PET/CAT) showed no evidence of disease. He was also quick to say that seeing nothing does not mean there is no disease present, but that it has definitely responded to treatment. We discussed the immediate future and I agreed to continue treatment, as is, for three more months. Scans are scheduled for the end of April, he will re-evaluate, and determine further treatment. Great news! I am so grateful!!!
By the time we were on the road again, the temperature was dropping and the winter storm which had been forecast to begin Tuesday midday was changed to begin about six in the morning. We were a little concerned for our friends, Marge and Ken from Tennessee, who we were expecting to arrive Tuesday afternoon. They were coming to see us on their way home from Florida, traveling in their motor home. They called before we got home, inquiring about the forecast and we encouraged them to come on Monday night, which they did. Good thing. We awoke Tuesday morning to sleet and snow with a coat of ice forming on the roads. I've seen worse in the South, but not this far south. The snow was minimal and crunchy, not soft, but the children made the most of it and had great fun sliding down a hill on cardboard boxes. Marge and I watched from inside, visited and knit, Ken entertained children in the motor home, did things on my "to do" list and helped Tommy with various projects. It was both a terrible time and a wonderful time for them to be here.
Today begins the month that is characterized by special "beginning" events and the saddest one of all: Tom and I married in February, Marty was born and he ended his earthly journey this month, three years ago. The memories are sweet; they make me smile; they make me cry. Most of all, they make me thankful that God brought us together, gave us two wonderful children and many years together. They give me joy.
It seems appropriate that I read the book of Philippians this morning, a book that can be described as a book of joy. Reading it makes me smile from the inside out. Paul rejoices in the friendship of the Philippian church members. I rejoice in friends who know me well, but love me all the same; friends who "stick closer than a brother." Paul tells of Jesus who became a man, who set aside his divinity, took on the burden of our sins so that we could become sons and daughters of God. Knowing that makes my heart sing! Many verses in Philippians are in my memory bank, but these two are sources of joy: Phil. 3:10 and 4:13. I had not thought of connecting them until this morning. The King James says in 3:10 something like ". . .. that I may know him and the power of his resurrection" and 4:13 is that familiar "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I was first introduced to 3:10 at a Westminster Fellowship retreat years ago in college. Think about getting to know Christ, a resurrected Christ and the awesome, incredible power it took to raise him. That same power that God used to raise Christ is the power Christ uses to strengthen us. When you personalize those verses, the joy they bring is overwhelming. I can really know Christ. I can know the power of his resurrection. My strength comes from that resurrection power! Paul's joy did not come from his circumstances, nor does ours. It comes from a vital relationship with God, through His Son.
Honestly, I'm not too happy with some of my circumstances. I hate this cancer and I surely hate life on earth without Tom. Still there is joy because of the presence of God; there is joy in getting to know Christ more and more; there is joy that results from trusting in God's amazing power and joy, knowing I am strengthened by that same power.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Very early morning on Monday we were on the road to Jackson for a 7:30 appointment. It was a little foggy, misting rain, we missed a turn which delayed us, made us encounter bad traffic right outside Jackson, thus making me an hour late getting started. I always dread the process, knowing that it never runs smoothly. But, seeing the doctor, hearing his evaluation is usually worth the wait and the frustration. Monday was no exception. He reported that the scans (PET/CAT) showed no evidence of disease. He was also quick to say that seeing nothing does not mean there is no disease present, but that it has definitely responded to treatment. We discussed the immediate future and I agreed to continue treatment, as is, for three more months. Scans are scheduled for the end of April, he will re-evaluate, and determine further treatment. Great news! I am so grateful!!!
By the time we were on the road again, the temperature was dropping and the winter storm which had been forecast to begin Tuesday midday was changed to begin about six in the morning. We were a little concerned for our friends, Marge and Ken from Tennessee, who we were expecting to arrive Tuesday afternoon. They were coming to see us on their way home from Florida, traveling in their motor home. They called before we got home, inquiring about the forecast and we encouraged them to come on Monday night, which they did. Good thing. We awoke Tuesday morning to sleet and snow with a coat of ice forming on the roads. I've seen worse in the South, but not this far south. The snow was minimal and crunchy, not soft, but the children made the most of it and had great fun sliding down a hill on cardboard boxes. Marge and I watched from inside, visited and knit, Ken entertained children in the motor home, did things on my "to do" list and helped Tommy with various projects. It was both a terrible time and a wonderful time for them to be here.
Today begins the month that is characterized by special "beginning" events and the saddest one of all: Tom and I married in February, Marty was born and he ended his earthly journey this month, three years ago. The memories are sweet; they make me smile; they make me cry. Most of all, they make me thankful that God brought us together, gave us two wonderful children and many years together. They give me joy.
It seems appropriate that I read the book of Philippians this morning, a book that can be described as a book of joy. Reading it makes me smile from the inside out. Paul rejoices in the friendship of the Philippian church members. I rejoice in friends who know me well, but love me all the same; friends who "stick closer than a brother." Paul tells of Jesus who became a man, who set aside his divinity, took on the burden of our sins so that we could become sons and daughters of God. Knowing that makes my heart sing! Many verses in Philippians are in my memory bank, but these two are sources of joy: Phil. 3:10 and 4:13. I had not thought of connecting them until this morning. The King James says in 3:10 something like ". . .. that I may know him and the power of his resurrection" and 4:13 is that familiar "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I was first introduced to 3:10 at a Westminster Fellowship retreat years ago in college. Think about getting to know Christ, a resurrected Christ and the awesome, incredible power it took to raise him. That same power that God used to raise Christ is the power Christ uses to strengthen us. When you personalize those verses, the joy they bring is overwhelming. I can really know Christ. I can know the power of his resurrection. My strength comes from that resurrection power! Paul's joy did not come from his circumstances, nor does ours. It comes from a vital relationship with God, through His Son.
Honestly, I'm not too happy with some of my circumstances. I hate this cancer and I surely hate life on earth without Tom. Still there is joy because of the presence of God; there is joy in getting to know Christ more and more; there is joy that results from trusting in God's amazing power and joy, knowing I am strengthened by that same power.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Saturday, January 25, 2014
Back in the saddle again . . .
are the words that came to mind as I prepared to regroup, remount and continue writing about my journey. I have been reminded by three readers that I hadn't posted since November 11, raising questions about my health and what is happening. Today's post brings family updates, a plan to continue writing, a health report and an honest assessment of how I see things.
We have celebrated three major holidays since I last wrote: Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's. Thanksgiving brought Elizabeth's mom and dad, her two brothers and their families, a favorite aunt, her husband, their four grown children and families, our friend John and his son. That made forty folks, 19 of them children. It was a lively day. Fortunately, the weather was warm and sunny so the children played outside, visited the chickens and several people opted to eat outside in the sunshine. It was a good day. Christmas was a different story. Liz's dad was a bit under the weather, so didn't come and I got some bug that kept me in bed for several days. It took a while for me to get back on my feet.
The children are growing up too fast. It's so gratifying to watch them develop, both physically and mentally. This weekend birthdays are being celebrated for Marty's two boys. Colin was four yesterday and Christopher will be six tomorrow. Yesterday morning I was about to call Colin to wish him happy birthday when my phone rang and there he was calling me. It seems that overnight he went from one word answers to questions I asked to carrying the conversation himself. Both boys are in karate and doing well; Colin got his green belt last night. Mallory is a senior in high school, going through that exciting, but stressful time of deciding where she'll go to college in the fall. Jacob stays really busy with band and other school activities. He attended an honor band clinic last weekend and both he and Sarah will participate in a district clinic next weekend. Drew, a sixth grader, has begun band and is a percussionist. I envy his natural sense of rhythm. The little girls come over almost every day to visit and play after school. They are wonderful company and entertainment. Elisa, who had just had her cast removed when I last posted, broke the same arm again three weeks later, but is now out of the second cast and in a brace.
I have completed the ninth out of the projected twelve cycles of chemotherapy. The original plan was three treatments in a cycle, but only once has my blood count allowed those three treatments. In November, the doctor just quit scheduling three, meaning I go two weeks in a row, rest two weeks then start again. When I was sick at Christmas, I got an extra two weeks off and now am scheduled for scans on January 27 in Jackson.
The whole process has been frustrating and not at all the way I thought it would be. I expected fatigue and the usual side effects, but I did not expect to be confined because of "noodle legs," lack of mental and physical energy and a compromised immune system. In all the times I've had to be on chemo in the past, I determined that I would not let it get me down and that I would be in charge. Chemo would not define my life! Well, this time it has been different. It has gotten me down and it has pretty well defined how I am living my life. I have had a difficult time accepting the way things are and responding honestly instead of in a way I think others expect of me.
During all this time, God remains faithful, compassionate and so understanding. My morning quiet times have enriched in ways I cannot begin to tell you. I have been given a new awareness of God's Presence, a renewed trust in God's promises and real Peace about today and tomorrow. God creates each one of us uniquely, with a specific purpose, a definite way to bring glory to Him. Just because life is not how it was or how we expect it to be, does not mean we can ignore our purpose or our "chief end," to glorify God.
In the future, I will be intentional in weekly posts, keeping you updated so you can pray specifically and sharing some of the things God lays on my heart. Thank you for your patience and your love.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
are the words that came to mind as I prepared to regroup, remount and continue writing about my journey. I have been reminded by three readers that I hadn't posted since November 11, raising questions about my health and what is happening. Today's post brings family updates, a plan to continue writing, a health report and an honest assessment of how I see things.
We have celebrated three major holidays since I last wrote: Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's. Thanksgiving brought Elizabeth's mom and dad, her two brothers and their families, a favorite aunt, her husband, their four grown children and families, our friend John and his son. That made forty folks, 19 of them children. It was a lively day. Fortunately, the weather was warm and sunny so the children played outside, visited the chickens and several people opted to eat outside in the sunshine. It was a good day. Christmas was a different story. Liz's dad was a bit under the weather, so didn't come and I got some bug that kept me in bed for several days. It took a while for me to get back on my feet.
The children are growing up too fast. It's so gratifying to watch them develop, both physically and mentally. This weekend birthdays are being celebrated for Marty's two boys. Colin was four yesterday and Christopher will be six tomorrow. Yesterday morning I was about to call Colin to wish him happy birthday when my phone rang and there he was calling me. It seems that overnight he went from one word answers to questions I asked to carrying the conversation himself. Both boys are in karate and doing well; Colin got his green belt last night. Mallory is a senior in high school, going through that exciting, but stressful time of deciding where she'll go to college in the fall. Jacob stays really busy with band and other school activities. He attended an honor band clinic last weekend and both he and Sarah will participate in a district clinic next weekend. Drew, a sixth grader, has begun band and is a percussionist. I envy his natural sense of rhythm. The little girls come over almost every day to visit and play after school. They are wonderful company and entertainment. Elisa, who had just had her cast removed when I last posted, broke the same arm again three weeks later, but is now out of the second cast and in a brace.
I have completed the ninth out of the projected twelve cycles of chemotherapy. The original plan was three treatments in a cycle, but only once has my blood count allowed those three treatments. In November, the doctor just quit scheduling three, meaning I go two weeks in a row, rest two weeks then start again. When I was sick at Christmas, I got an extra two weeks off and now am scheduled for scans on January 27 in Jackson.
The whole process has been frustrating and not at all the way I thought it would be. I expected fatigue and the usual side effects, but I did not expect to be confined because of "noodle legs," lack of mental and physical energy and a compromised immune system. In all the times I've had to be on chemo in the past, I determined that I would not let it get me down and that I would be in charge. Chemo would not define my life! Well, this time it has been different. It has gotten me down and it has pretty well defined how I am living my life. I have had a difficult time accepting the way things are and responding honestly instead of in a way I think others expect of me.
During all this time, God remains faithful, compassionate and so understanding. My morning quiet times have enriched in ways I cannot begin to tell you. I have been given a new awareness of God's Presence, a renewed trust in God's promises and real Peace about today and tomorrow. God creates each one of us uniquely, with a specific purpose, a definite way to bring glory to Him. Just because life is not how it was or how we expect it to be, does not mean we can ignore our purpose or our "chief end," to glorify God.
In the future, I will be intentional in weekly posts, keeping you updated so you can pray specifically and sharing some of the things God lays on my heart. Thank you for your patience and your love.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Monday, November 11, 2013
Apprehensive and doubtful . . .
are two of the words I felt after seeing Dr. Thigpen two weeks ago. How could eliminating one drug and changing the administration of the other make a marked difference in the way I would feel? I had a real "wait and see" approach to things. Now, I wonder, why do I doubt the expert? Carboplatinum is difficult on the bone marrow so taking it away should help with the side effects. It has. Stretching out administration of the Taxol to three hours instead of one should help with the neuropathy. I'm not sure about that. I just know that after treatment last Thursday, I don't feel as wiped out as I usually do. Yea! Welcome change!! I should never question. I have the expert and his prodigy overseeing my care, but most especially, I have the One who has promised to never leave nor forsake me!
Today is a big day for Elisa. After six weeks, the doctor is removing the cast from her arm. She has been a real trooper, only complaining about the arm itching, though dressing and bath time have been challenging.
It is also Veterans' Day, a day that causes us to remember the ones in our family and circle of friends who have fought for our continued freedom. I think of an uncle who was awarded four purple hearts for service in WWII, not a distinction to be desired, and who retired after 33 years of active service, his son, another uncle, my brother-in-law and especially, Tom. I always greeted him the morning of November 11, with a thank you and a big hug. And, I always remember the Sunday closest to Veterans' Day at Fair Oaks Presbyterian Church when veterans were honored, so many of them that there was hardly room down front for all of them.
Freedom is precious and it comes with a price. You know the saying, "Freedom is not free." Men and women sacrifice so that others can enjoy the freedoms we have come to enjoy--and expect. Jesus gave his life so that we can be free from the guilt and consequences of sin. It's a different kind of freedom; it costs us nothing; it cost Jesus everything. Freedom. Today I am free to go to church where I choose, live according to my means where I choose, come and go, determine the size of my family, vote and have voice in the way I am governed. I say I am thankful for those freedoms, but don't always exercise them. The same is true with freedom that is mine in Jesus. I may loudly proclaim my gratitude for what Jesus has done for me, but continue living as if it doesn't matter. I don't relish God's grace as I should. Earlier in the year, as I read Galatians, I read also Traveling Light, by Eugene Peterson. In it, he writes about living out the freedom and living in the freedom we have been given (my words). I see two important words here: "given" and "living." I don't have to earn anything, but the gift should be ovbious in my life. It's what I call a "point to ponder."
Have a great week and remember to live like the free person in Christ that you are!
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
are two of the words I felt after seeing Dr. Thigpen two weeks ago. How could eliminating one drug and changing the administration of the other make a marked difference in the way I would feel? I had a real "wait and see" approach to things. Now, I wonder, why do I doubt the expert? Carboplatinum is difficult on the bone marrow so taking it away should help with the side effects. It has. Stretching out administration of the Taxol to three hours instead of one should help with the neuropathy. I'm not sure about that. I just know that after treatment last Thursday, I don't feel as wiped out as I usually do. Yea! Welcome change!! I should never question. I have the expert and his prodigy overseeing my care, but most especially, I have the One who has promised to never leave nor forsake me!
Today is a big day for Elisa. After six weeks, the doctor is removing the cast from her arm. She has been a real trooper, only complaining about the arm itching, though dressing and bath time have been challenging.
It is also Veterans' Day, a day that causes us to remember the ones in our family and circle of friends who have fought for our continued freedom. I think of an uncle who was awarded four purple hearts for service in WWII, not a distinction to be desired, and who retired after 33 years of active service, his son, another uncle, my brother-in-law and especially, Tom. I always greeted him the morning of November 11, with a thank you and a big hug. And, I always remember the Sunday closest to Veterans' Day at Fair Oaks Presbyterian Church when veterans were honored, so many of them that there was hardly room down front for all of them.
Freedom is precious and it comes with a price. You know the saying, "Freedom is not free." Men and women sacrifice so that others can enjoy the freedoms we have come to enjoy--and expect. Jesus gave his life so that we can be free from the guilt and consequences of sin. It's a different kind of freedom; it costs us nothing; it cost Jesus everything. Freedom. Today I am free to go to church where I choose, live according to my means where I choose, come and go, determine the size of my family, vote and have voice in the way I am governed. I say I am thankful for those freedoms, but don't always exercise them. The same is true with freedom that is mine in Jesus. I may loudly proclaim my gratitude for what Jesus has done for me, but continue living as if it doesn't matter. I don't relish God's grace as I should. Earlier in the year, as I read Galatians, I read also Traveling Light, by Eugene Peterson. In it, he writes about living out the freedom and living in the freedom we have been given (my words). I see two important words here: "given" and "living." I don't have to earn anything, but the gift should be ovbious in my life. It's what I call a "point to ponder."
Have a great week and remember to live like the free person in Christ that you are!
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
The fat lady is still silent . . .
It's not over. Monday was a long day; a good day; tiring; not conclusive; and not completely what we wanted to hear. Never mind the ridiculous schedule and that we were there from 9:45 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. The great news is that the scan shows no disease and the tumor marker is consistent with the scan. The disappointing news is that maintenance, which I fully anticipated, sounds almost as strenuous as the regimen just completed.
Honestly, by the time the doctor finally saw us, my brain had retired for the day. It was hard to hear all he had to say and put it together in logical order. I was to return to my Hattiesburg oncologist tomorrow and get started again with treatment, but that appointment has been changed until next Thursday instead. The short version of the report is that I will continue with one of the two drugs I have been taking, but the administration of it will be slower: what has been a one hour infusion will become and three hour infusion. That is supposed to be easier on the body and help with the neuropathy in my hands and feet. It's the same three weeks on, one week off schedule and I return to Jackson for another scan the end of January.
I have prayed for grace and believe so completely that God is ever present and faithful that I was not afraid of the test results. I felt "high as a kite" hearing results, but hit the ground hard when learned the maintenance plan. All the plans I had for resuming life as I had come to expect before chemo started again in May, suddenly crashed. This past cycle has been harder than others, maybe because of the flu shot and everything in me screamed, "I'm tired and I'm tired of being tired." Disappointment and discouragement oozed from every pore.
Today is another day! My quiet time this morning began with Jesus Calling that started with the words: I am with you; I am with you; I am with you, using the imagery of Jesus being our Shepherd. Imagine being cared for by a shepherd. When the sheep is weak, unable to care for itself, the shepherd carries it in his arms. That image opened my closed mind. I am the weakened sheep, Jesus is the Shepherd and He is carrying me. Facing more treatment continues to be diaappointing, but the discouragment has been lifted. Praise God for His constant and amazing care!
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
It's not over. Monday was a long day; a good day; tiring; not conclusive; and not completely what we wanted to hear. Never mind the ridiculous schedule and that we were there from 9:45 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. The great news is that the scan shows no disease and the tumor marker is consistent with the scan. The disappointing news is that maintenance, which I fully anticipated, sounds almost as strenuous as the regimen just completed.
Honestly, by the time the doctor finally saw us, my brain had retired for the day. It was hard to hear all he had to say and put it together in logical order. I was to return to my Hattiesburg oncologist tomorrow and get started again with treatment, but that appointment has been changed until next Thursday instead. The short version of the report is that I will continue with one of the two drugs I have been taking, but the administration of it will be slower: what has been a one hour infusion will become and three hour infusion. That is supposed to be easier on the body and help with the neuropathy in my hands and feet. It's the same three weeks on, one week off schedule and I return to Jackson for another scan the end of January.
I have prayed for grace and believe so completely that God is ever present and faithful that I was not afraid of the test results. I felt "high as a kite" hearing results, but hit the ground hard when learned the maintenance plan. All the plans I had for resuming life as I had come to expect before chemo started again in May, suddenly crashed. This past cycle has been harder than others, maybe because of the flu shot and everything in me screamed, "I'm tired and I'm tired of being tired." Disappointment and discouragement oozed from every pore.
Today is another day! My quiet time this morning began with Jesus Calling that started with the words: I am with you; I am with you; I am with you, using the imagery of Jesus being our Shepherd. Imagine being cared for by a shepherd. When the sheep is weak, unable to care for itself, the shepherd carries it in his arms. That image opened my closed mind. I am the weakened sheep, Jesus is the Shepherd and He is carrying me. Facing more treatment continues to be diaappointing, but the discouragment has been lifted. Praise God for His constant and amazing care!
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Finally . . .
For several months I have been counting the days until now, October 28, to be exact. That's the day I head to Jackson for a Pet/CT Scan to evaluate my progress and learn what the next step will be. The tumor marker remains within the normal range and I am slowly beginning to regain some energy, just in time for cooler weather. I look forward to sitting outside with my morning coffee.
Though there are things I have missed, I have also learned plenty (both mentioned in last week's blog). For the first time in almost 73 years, things have slowed down and I don't feel guilty when I need to rest. It seems that so much of my life has been spent thinking of what comes next: when I go to college, when I graduate, when/if I marry, have children, when they grow up . . . You know what I mean. As I look back, many of those experiences seem as if they happened yesterday. I remember dreading the time when our nest would be empty and then realizing how good years those were. We anticipated retirement and the promise of travel and leisure days. All the days of anticipation seemed to have gone by in a flash. Now, I wonder, "How did I get to this stage of life so quickly?" It is not at all what I anticipated or planned. But, life is good.
Once more, I ask for your prayers for my checkup on Monday. Pray for God's all sufficient grace. I think "grace" covers everything: that in God's grace I might be healed; that in God's grace I will accept whatever the news.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
For several months I have been counting the days until now, October 28, to be exact. That's the day I head to Jackson for a Pet/CT Scan to evaluate my progress and learn what the next step will be. The tumor marker remains within the normal range and I am slowly beginning to regain some energy, just in time for cooler weather. I look forward to sitting outside with my morning coffee.
Though there are things I have missed, I have also learned plenty (both mentioned in last week's blog). For the first time in almost 73 years, things have slowed down and I don't feel guilty when I need to rest. It seems that so much of my life has been spent thinking of what comes next: when I go to college, when I graduate, when/if I marry, have children, when they grow up . . . You know what I mean. As I look back, many of those experiences seem as if they happened yesterday. I remember dreading the time when our nest would be empty and then realizing how good years those were. We anticipated retirement and the promise of travel and leisure days. All the days of anticipation seemed to have gone by in a flash. Now, I wonder, "How did I get to this stage of life so quickly?" It is not at all what I anticipated or planned. But, life is good.
Once more, I ask for your prayers for my checkup on Monday. Pray for God's all sufficient grace. I think "grace" covers everything: that in God's grace I might be healed; that in God's grace I will accept whatever the news.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
You'd think I'd know better . . .
. . . after lots of treatment over several years, what to expect. I guess I was so excited to realize last Thursday that I was at the end of the planned treatments that I fully expected to feel like the usual me by Friday. That did not happen! Lack of energy and extreme fatigue, beginning Monday, made me really happy that a third treatment had not been scheduled. By today I have begun to turn the corner and can hardly wait to resume life as I know it.
Things I have missed are:
*being in worship with my church family on Sunday;
*driving;
*buying my own groceries;
*getting a pedicure;
*knitting with friends on Friday mornings;
BUT, in spite of what I have missed, I am incredibly grateful for what I have gained.
Quiet times in the mornings mean more than they ever have, maybe because I am not so caught up with what I need to be doing. God has been teaching me through Scripture, prayer and selected readings to draw closer to Him. I have time to reflect on what I read, to study, to consider what it truly means to "practice the presence" of God. I don't have to reflect in order to interpret for anyone else; my study is just that, mine. I don't have to prepare to teach others. I can settle down, rest, in the knowledge that God is faithful to His promise to never leave me. He will be with me always.
I look forward to better days ahead and I KNOW they will be better. I just need to be patient, dependent and accepting. God is good all the time; all the time, God is good.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
. . . after lots of treatment over several years, what to expect. I guess I was so excited to realize last Thursday that I was at the end of the planned treatments that I fully expected to feel like the usual me by Friday. That did not happen! Lack of energy and extreme fatigue, beginning Monday, made me really happy that a third treatment had not been scheduled. By today I have begun to turn the corner and can hardly wait to resume life as I know it.
Things I have missed are:
*being in worship with my church family on Sunday;
*driving;
*buying my own groceries;
*getting a pedicure;
*knitting with friends on Friday mornings;
BUT, in spite of what I have missed, I am incredibly grateful for what I have gained.
Quiet times in the mornings mean more than they ever have, maybe because I am not so caught up with what I need to be doing. God has been teaching me through Scripture, prayer and selected readings to draw closer to Him. I have time to reflect on what I read, to study, to consider what it truly means to "practice the presence" of God. I don't have to reflect in order to interpret for anyone else; my study is just that, mine. I don't have to prepare to teach others. I can settle down, rest, in the knowledge that God is faithful to His promise to never leave me. He will be with me always.
I look forward to better days ahead and I KNOW they will be better. I just need to be patient, dependent and accepting. God is good all the time; all the time, God is good.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Wednesday, October 09, 2013
Just sayin' . . .
Friends and family know me to be opinionated. I trust that, through the years, they have noticed that those opinions are tempered with a little more patience and compassion than they once were. I can be quite dogmatic, stubborn and independent. Sometimes that works to an advantage; sometimes not. I would also trust that folks have witnessed a growing dependence on a faithful God and a willingness and need to share that with others. This morning I am struck with opinions that compel me to write.
Each morning I begin my quiet time with the daily reading from Jesus Calling. This morning I felt absolutely terrible, maybe one of the worst days since this leg of the journey began. Last week's treatment shouldn't have hit me so hard; it was the first in the cycle and is usually tolerated well, but adding a flu shot to the mix delivered a double whammy. I opened my eyes and wondered if I could make coffee, fix a bowl of cereal and get on with the day. I felt terrible and I complained about it. Then came the words for today written just for me: You have been on a long, uphill journey, and your energy is almost spent. . . . I am pleased with your desire to stay close to Me. There is one thing, however, that displeases Me: your tendency to complain.. . . I understand better than anyone else the stresses and strains that have afflicted you. . . . Complaining to others is another matter altogether. It opens the door to deadly sins such as self-pity and rage. Whenever you are tempted to grumble, come to Me and talk it out. As you open up to Me, I will put My thoughts in your mind and My song in your heart.
I try not to complain, keep a stiff upper lip. I may fool some of the people some of the time, but God knows my heart. God knows my limitations and is ready to supply me with His strength. My prayer is one of thanksgiving for pointing out my shortcomings and one of petition that I might not let the complaints rob me of God's song in my heart.
This, as you know, is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. As a survivor and as one who is keenly aware of how this particular disease has touched the lives of many of my friends and family, I am glad to see the attention paid to awareness, but the presence of all the pink offends me--not sure why, but it does. Just like seeing women in clothing that leaves nothing to the imagination and flaunts big bosoms. Too many carry the scars of having a breast--or two--removed; too many live with the inconvenience of a prosthesis. Most of them will wear their bras on October 13, because going without is uncomfortable and a nuisance. So, what can you do?
*Start by reading my daughter's blog @ www.canapesun.blogspot.com where she writes about her experience with her best friend's cancer. I particularly like her suggestion to talk about "life," not "cancer." Her words are appropriate not just for breast cancer, but other cancers as well.
*When you contribute to breast cancer research, be sure that most of your contribution goes to actual research, not administration and publicity.
*Inform family members of their medical history. I learned after the diagnosis process had begun, that my maternal grandmother had had breast cancer, certainly a fact that needed to be shared.
*Be aware and stay informed. Treatment has come a long way since my grandmother had it over sixty years ago or even since I was diagnosed in 1981.
The other thing that has gotten to me recently is Michael J. Fox's new "comedy." Don't get me wrong. I applaud the work he has done to raise both money and awareness for Parkinson's Disease. I have read his autobiography. I know having someone of his notoriety speak out has raised millions for PD research. Because I admire him, I tuned in to watch the new show. Maybe the whole PD experience is still too fresh; maybe remembering the decline of the love of your life is too painful, but I was offended by what I believed to be insensitivity toward those affected by the disease. Mr. Fox's experience is that of one man; not any two PD experiences are the same. Some people respond and continue living productive lives; others cannot. Needless to say, I didn't watch again. Poking fun at disability is not comedy.
I pray that as I seek to have a "God listening heart," I will confess my complaints to the One who already knows them and will provide; that I would be tolerant and not indignant when my opinions are in the minority; that I would make concerns about cancer, PD, all illness, a matter of prayer.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Friends and family know me to be opinionated. I trust that, through the years, they have noticed that those opinions are tempered with a little more patience and compassion than they once were. I can be quite dogmatic, stubborn and independent. Sometimes that works to an advantage; sometimes not. I would also trust that folks have witnessed a growing dependence on a faithful God and a willingness and need to share that with others. This morning I am struck with opinions that compel me to write.
Each morning I begin my quiet time with the daily reading from Jesus Calling. This morning I felt absolutely terrible, maybe one of the worst days since this leg of the journey began. Last week's treatment shouldn't have hit me so hard; it was the first in the cycle and is usually tolerated well, but adding a flu shot to the mix delivered a double whammy. I opened my eyes and wondered if I could make coffee, fix a bowl of cereal and get on with the day. I felt terrible and I complained about it. Then came the words for today written just for me: You have been on a long, uphill journey, and your energy is almost spent. . . . I am pleased with your desire to stay close to Me. There is one thing, however, that displeases Me: your tendency to complain.. . . I understand better than anyone else the stresses and strains that have afflicted you. . . . Complaining to others is another matter altogether. It opens the door to deadly sins such as self-pity and rage. Whenever you are tempted to grumble, come to Me and talk it out. As you open up to Me, I will put My thoughts in your mind and My song in your heart.
I try not to complain, keep a stiff upper lip. I may fool some of the people some of the time, but God knows my heart. God knows my limitations and is ready to supply me with His strength. My prayer is one of thanksgiving for pointing out my shortcomings and one of petition that I might not let the complaints rob me of God's song in my heart.
This, as you know, is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. As a survivor and as one who is keenly aware of how this particular disease has touched the lives of many of my friends and family, I am glad to see the attention paid to awareness, but the presence of all the pink offends me--not sure why, but it does. Just like seeing women in clothing that leaves nothing to the imagination and flaunts big bosoms. Too many carry the scars of having a breast--or two--removed; too many live with the inconvenience of a prosthesis. Most of them will wear their bras on October 13, because going without is uncomfortable and a nuisance. So, what can you do?
*Start by reading my daughter's blog @ www.canapesun.blogspot.com where she writes about her experience with her best friend's cancer. I particularly like her suggestion to talk about "life," not "cancer." Her words are appropriate not just for breast cancer, but other cancers as well.
*When you contribute to breast cancer research, be sure that most of your contribution goes to actual research, not administration and publicity.
*Inform family members of their medical history. I learned after the diagnosis process had begun, that my maternal grandmother had had breast cancer, certainly a fact that needed to be shared.
*Be aware and stay informed. Treatment has come a long way since my grandmother had it over sixty years ago or even since I was diagnosed in 1981.
The other thing that has gotten to me recently is Michael J. Fox's new "comedy." Don't get me wrong. I applaud the work he has done to raise both money and awareness for Parkinson's Disease. I have read his autobiography. I know having someone of his notoriety speak out has raised millions for PD research. Because I admire him, I tuned in to watch the new show. Maybe the whole PD experience is still too fresh; maybe remembering the decline of the love of your life is too painful, but I was offended by what I believed to be insensitivity toward those affected by the disease. Mr. Fox's experience is that of one man; not any two PD experiences are the same. Some people respond and continue living productive lives; others cannot. Needless to say, I didn't watch again. Poking fun at disability is not comedy.
I pray that as I seek to have a "God listening heart," I will confess my complaints to the One who already knows them and will provide; that I would be tolerant and not indignant when my opinions are in the minority; that I would make concerns about cancer, PD, all illness, a matter of prayer.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Saturday, October 05, 2013
Back again . . .
Life is full of excuses. One of the main ones in my life lately is the problem I have with communication. The computer continues to do as it pleases, when it pleases. Several times I have gotten ready to post and I couldn't bring up the right page or it wouldn't take my password. What's up with that? Most often I do Facebook on my Kindle Fire, but last night it froze, wouldn't do anything. In the night the battery died, but fortunately when I plugged it into charge, it worked and is happily charging away. I still prefer phone calls and snail mail if face to face isn't possible. Saying that reminds me of just how wide my circle of friends has grown through the years. Seeing all of you face to face is not possible. We remain connected by wire, mail, cyberspace and best of all the fellowship of the Holy Spirit.
Let me tell you what's been happening. Thursday, October 3, I saw my Hattiesburg oncologist and began the sixth cycle of treatment. He laughed when we met and said that he wasn't even scheduling but two treatments in this cycle since I hadn't made it to the third one but once anyway. That means I have one more this coming Thursday, then go to Jackson for scans on October 28. Words cannot express how glad I'll be to change the routine!
Because of circumstances I missed a reunion with some friends who started to college together in 1958. Some of us have remained in close touch, some not so much; some have seen each other, some haven't since we graduated in 1962. A friend from South Carolina messaged me and volunteered to come by here, pick me up and take me, but I reluctantly decided that was not best. So, when the gathering broke up on Sunday, she came to Petal and spent the night. We had not seen each other in 19 years--had lost of catching up to do. It was such a treat! We stayed up entirely too late talking, but it was medicine for my soul.
Just before Alyce, the above mentioned friend, arrived Tommy calmly walked in my door to say he was still planning to cook supper, but he had to leave then because Elisa had just broken her arm. His demeanor is not always so calm, but at that moment, he sounded like his dad. Off they went to get the arm set! Needless to say, we had leftovers to eat and he went to the grocery for me when he returned at ten. Elisa is doing fine, doesn't complain.
In other news . . . the racoon seems to have disappeared, though we did not trap it. It is suspected that all the clearing in the 16th section land next to us disturbed its habitat and it left. One of the two roosters got progressively more aggressive and mean and had to be eliminated. Giovanni is now resting in the freezer waiting to be cooked and devoured. Maggie, our Great Pyrenees, is amazing. She, instinctively, herds and protects the chickens, having had no instruction from Tommy. I have not had opportunity to witness her firsthand, but get reports a couple of times a week on her actions.
She is doing what she was created by God to do!
Two quiet time points to ponder: One is not so new; I just don't practice it and it has to do with prayer for the world, our nation, community, our families. It is easy to recite the problems, as we see them, say a prayer and move on to something else, but how often do we see ourselves as part of the problems and pray specifically for God to change us, use us? For instance, we might pray for the people being oppressed in third world countries, but fail to recognize how we could be oppressing the people in our employment. "Please care for the people who don't have enough to eat or live on," while we ignore the living conditions of those next door. We have had a ridiculous political situation right here in Hattiesburg. At first, I stayed on the outside, looking in since we live in the county more closely associated with Petal. The details are not necessary, but it has to do with a mayoral election and corruption surrounding it. Then there is now the stand off in our national government. People are being adversely affected in several ways, while officials continue holding onto their opinions, whether they are right or wrong. I fear that we pray rather flippantly for God to do something, instead of praying for the elimination of evil and corruption, for the absence of greed and for God to raise up God fearing individuals to lead. Could it be that God might be calling one of us?
The other point is closely associated and comes from one of my Bible readings this morning. I was reading about the reign of King Solomon and came to the place where God asked Solomon what he wanted from Him. The Message translation in I Kings 3:9 says Solomon asked for " . . . a God listening heart. . . " What difference would such a prayer make in our daily lives? Today I need energy and cessation of nausea; it was on my prayer list. But, focus on God, His provision, His promises, His grace is what has sustained me and it never ends. The focus wavers and grows weary. A "God listening heart" helps keep the focus. That will head my prayer list from now on.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Life is full of excuses. One of the main ones in my life lately is the problem I have with communication. The computer continues to do as it pleases, when it pleases. Several times I have gotten ready to post and I couldn't bring up the right page or it wouldn't take my password. What's up with that? Most often I do Facebook on my Kindle Fire, but last night it froze, wouldn't do anything. In the night the battery died, but fortunately when I plugged it into charge, it worked and is happily charging away. I still prefer phone calls and snail mail if face to face isn't possible. Saying that reminds me of just how wide my circle of friends has grown through the years. Seeing all of you face to face is not possible. We remain connected by wire, mail, cyberspace and best of all the fellowship of the Holy Spirit.
Let me tell you what's been happening. Thursday, October 3, I saw my Hattiesburg oncologist and began the sixth cycle of treatment. He laughed when we met and said that he wasn't even scheduling but two treatments in this cycle since I hadn't made it to the third one but once anyway. That means I have one more this coming Thursday, then go to Jackson for scans on October 28. Words cannot express how glad I'll be to change the routine!
Because of circumstances I missed a reunion with some friends who started to college together in 1958. Some of us have remained in close touch, some not so much; some have seen each other, some haven't since we graduated in 1962. A friend from South Carolina messaged me and volunteered to come by here, pick me up and take me, but I reluctantly decided that was not best. So, when the gathering broke up on Sunday, she came to Petal and spent the night. We had not seen each other in 19 years--had lost of catching up to do. It was such a treat! We stayed up entirely too late talking, but it was medicine for my soul.
Just before Alyce, the above mentioned friend, arrived Tommy calmly walked in my door to say he was still planning to cook supper, but he had to leave then because Elisa had just broken her arm. His demeanor is not always so calm, but at that moment, he sounded like his dad. Off they went to get the arm set! Needless to say, we had leftovers to eat and he went to the grocery for me when he returned at ten. Elisa is doing fine, doesn't complain.
In other news . . . the racoon seems to have disappeared, though we did not trap it. It is suspected that all the clearing in the 16th section land next to us disturbed its habitat and it left. One of the two roosters got progressively more aggressive and mean and had to be eliminated. Giovanni is now resting in the freezer waiting to be cooked and devoured. Maggie, our Great Pyrenees, is amazing. She, instinctively, herds and protects the chickens, having had no instruction from Tommy. I have not had opportunity to witness her firsthand, but get reports a couple of times a week on her actions.
She is doing what she was created by God to do!
Two quiet time points to ponder: One is not so new; I just don't practice it and it has to do with prayer for the world, our nation, community, our families. It is easy to recite the problems, as we see them, say a prayer and move on to something else, but how often do we see ourselves as part of the problems and pray specifically for God to change us, use us? For instance, we might pray for the people being oppressed in third world countries, but fail to recognize how we could be oppressing the people in our employment. "Please care for the people who don't have enough to eat or live on," while we ignore the living conditions of those next door. We have had a ridiculous political situation right here in Hattiesburg. At first, I stayed on the outside, looking in since we live in the county more closely associated with Petal. The details are not necessary, but it has to do with a mayoral election and corruption surrounding it. Then there is now the stand off in our national government. People are being adversely affected in several ways, while officials continue holding onto their opinions, whether they are right or wrong. I fear that we pray rather flippantly for God to do something, instead of praying for the elimination of evil and corruption, for the absence of greed and for God to raise up God fearing individuals to lead. Could it be that God might be calling one of us?
The other point is closely associated and comes from one of my Bible readings this morning. I was reading about the reign of King Solomon and came to the place where God asked Solomon what he wanted from Him. The Message translation in I Kings 3:9 says Solomon asked for " . . . a God listening heart. . . " What difference would such a prayer make in our daily lives? Today I need energy and cessation of nausea; it was on my prayer list. But, focus on God, His provision, His promises, His grace is what has sustained me and it never ends. The focus wavers and grows weary. A "God listening heart" helps keep the focus. That will head my prayer list from now on.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Same song . . .
. . . another verse. Today was day #15 of cycle 5 and my neutriphils were too low for me to be treated. The good news is that I seem to be responding well to treatment even though I keep missing the final one in the cycle and I will have an extra week off to rebuild cells. I am literally counting the days until I am finished and on the road to Jackson for scans - 38 to be exact.
In spite of lowered counts, I am spending more and more time in my chair rather than on the bed. What an improvement from how things were at the beginning and into the summer! Still, I plan to do more than I actually can get accomplished. If I'm honest, I have to admit that has always been a fault of mine. Tom told me often how unrealistic the lists of "to dos" were. I also have to admit that God is teaching me not to be so wrapped up in what I can do!
God bless you for reading, for caring and for praying.
Pastor Margaret
. . . another verse. Today was day #15 of cycle 5 and my neutriphils were too low for me to be treated. The good news is that I seem to be responding well to treatment even though I keep missing the final one in the cycle and I will have an extra week off to rebuild cells. I am literally counting the days until I am finished and on the road to Jackson for scans - 38 to be exact.
In spite of lowered counts, I am spending more and more time in my chair rather than on the bed. What an improvement from how things were at the beginning and into the summer! Still, I plan to do more than I actually can get accomplished. If I'm honest, I have to admit that has always been a fault of mine. Tom told me often how unrealistic the lists of "to dos" were. I also have to admit that God is teaching me not to be so wrapped up in what I can do!
God bless you for reading, for caring and for praying.
Pastor Margaret
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Some days . . .
*are too dull and monotonous to notice.
*getting out of bed is a struggle.
*the smile is forced.
*I actually rejoice in the presence of God.
Honestly, I am sick to death of fatigue! I am tired of being confined! I miss seeing friends! I miss being able to worship with others!
Some have such kind, encouraging words to say about how "I handle" things. The reality is I can't "handle" anything. I have to pray constantly to accept and be patient. Trust in God is not the issue. How could I not trust the amazing I AM? God's faithfulness is most abundant, very real. I just get bogged down with the monotony, the fatigue, the blah, the confinement.
This past week, more than ever, I have focused on God's presence. I have prayed for balance, for patience and to accept circumstances. On the days when I have been especially fatigued, I have prayed for God's strength to infuse me. When I felt particularly cut off from the rest of the world, I prayed and four friends I haven't talked to in a while, called. Someone came out for a visit; messages came over the internet. It is not silly to pray for the everyday things that brighten our days. God cares!
The little girls keep me laughing. They have been thinking (a lot) about Halloween and their costumes. I'm not sure why costumes at Halloween are such a big deal to them since dress up is one of their favorite things to do almost every day. Elisa prefaced a question to me with: "If you're still alive at Halloween . . ." I was too astounded with the preface to remember the question. After I came from treatment Thursday, she told me that I did look a little older.
I have written the things above to say that dealing with this cancer, the treatment and the side effects of both does not come without struggle. It is tempting to just not care. It is tempting to wonder why should I care. Satan stands ready to steal my focus. There continues to be that nagging question of "what should I be doing?" And I am reminded of the words: "Be still and know that I am God." Being still gives time to really meditate on God's word, to consider what it means to "have no other gods before Me." Being still is part of my continuing journey.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
*are too dull and monotonous to notice.
*getting out of bed is a struggle.
*the smile is forced.
*I actually rejoice in the presence of God.
Honestly, I am sick to death of fatigue! I am tired of being confined! I miss seeing friends! I miss being able to worship with others!
Some have such kind, encouraging words to say about how "I handle" things. The reality is I can't "handle" anything. I have to pray constantly to accept and be patient. Trust in God is not the issue. How could I not trust the amazing I AM? God's faithfulness is most abundant, very real. I just get bogged down with the monotony, the fatigue, the blah, the confinement.
This past week, more than ever, I have focused on God's presence. I have prayed for balance, for patience and to accept circumstances. On the days when I have been especially fatigued, I have prayed for God's strength to infuse me. When I felt particularly cut off from the rest of the world, I prayed and four friends I haven't talked to in a while, called. Someone came out for a visit; messages came over the internet. It is not silly to pray for the everyday things that brighten our days. God cares!
The little girls keep me laughing. They have been thinking (a lot) about Halloween and their costumes. I'm not sure why costumes at Halloween are such a big deal to them since dress up is one of their favorite things to do almost every day. Elisa prefaced a question to me with: "If you're still alive at Halloween . . ." I was too astounded with the preface to remember the question. After I came from treatment Thursday, she told me that I did look a little older.
I have written the things above to say that dealing with this cancer, the treatment and the side effects of both does not come without struggle. It is tempting to just not care. It is tempting to wonder why should I care. Satan stands ready to steal my focus. There continues to be that nagging question of "what should I be doing?" And I am reminded of the words: "Be still and know that I am God." Being still gives time to really meditate on God's word, to consider what it means to "have no other gods before Me." Being still is part of my continuing journey.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Sunday, September 08, 2013
Believe it or not . . .
. . . Just after I finished posting the last blog I picked up my knitting and proceeded to knit. Much to my surprise, I noticed I had a stitch out of place that was affecting the pattern. My example had hit home! Unfortunately, I've had to take out several rows to try to make the correction and that particular project has sat idle for several days. One mistake yields consequences. The good news, however, is that in life with Christ that mistake is forgiven and we are put right with God. As I stare at the mass of red stitches, trying to get every stitch back in place and turned the right way, I am reminded once more of the pattern of God's Law I am to follow.
The first time I really studied the Ten Commandments was in college years ago. Since then I have studied them over and over, taught and preached on them and I'm still fascinated at the way God uses them in our lives. Another first for me in college was learning about the Sovereignty of God so plainly taught in the Scripture. That knowledge has kept me grounded and given me hope. As I contemplated the Sovereignty of God and the the first commandment: "Thou shalt have no other gods before me," I realized that if God, and if such a God as He is, really is first and foremost in our very being, then we wouldn't need the other nine commandments. Thus began a lifelong process of trying to put no one, no thing ahead of God in my life. How I have failed! Yet, the mistakes continue to be forgiven, to be made right and to help me move ahead. Our God is a great God! He is the great I AM.
One of Elisa's newest words is "obsessed," an interesting word for a five year old. Last week she told me that her daddy said I was obsessed with salt. That has long been a sore subject. I do consume too much and was made keenly aware of it when my blood pressure was giving me problems. In her own way, Elisa was entering the salt discussion by suggesting I might be obsessed with it. Whether or not that is true, there is one thing about which I could easily obsess: good blood!
On Friday, the 30th of August, I spent several hours at the Cancer Center receiving two units of packed red cells. Within 24 hours I felt better. As the days progressed I felt more and more like myself. I did laundry, ran the vaccuum, cooked a little. I began to look forward to the end of October when we hope these treatments will be modified. I could easily and completely become obsessed with good blood!
Treatment cycle five began this past Thursday and already I'm droopy. The end, though, is in sight. I do not have to rely on my own strength. My God will supply--and does--my every need.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
. . . Just after I finished posting the last blog I picked up my knitting and proceeded to knit. Much to my surprise, I noticed I had a stitch out of place that was affecting the pattern. My example had hit home! Unfortunately, I've had to take out several rows to try to make the correction and that particular project has sat idle for several days. One mistake yields consequences. The good news, however, is that in life with Christ that mistake is forgiven and we are put right with God. As I stare at the mass of red stitches, trying to get every stitch back in place and turned the right way, I am reminded once more of the pattern of God's Law I am to follow.
The first time I really studied the Ten Commandments was in college years ago. Since then I have studied them over and over, taught and preached on them and I'm still fascinated at the way God uses them in our lives. Another first for me in college was learning about the Sovereignty of God so plainly taught in the Scripture. That knowledge has kept me grounded and given me hope. As I contemplated the Sovereignty of God and the the first commandment: "Thou shalt have no other gods before me," I realized that if God, and if such a God as He is, really is first and foremost in our very being, then we wouldn't need the other nine commandments. Thus began a lifelong process of trying to put no one, no thing ahead of God in my life. How I have failed! Yet, the mistakes continue to be forgiven, to be made right and to help me move ahead. Our God is a great God! He is the great I AM.
One of Elisa's newest words is "obsessed," an interesting word for a five year old. Last week she told me that her daddy said I was obsessed with salt. That has long been a sore subject. I do consume too much and was made keenly aware of it when my blood pressure was giving me problems. In her own way, Elisa was entering the salt discussion by suggesting I might be obsessed with it. Whether or not that is true, there is one thing about which I could easily obsess: good blood!
On Friday, the 30th of August, I spent several hours at the Cancer Center receiving two units of packed red cells. Within 24 hours I felt better. As the days progressed I felt more and more like myself. I did laundry, ran the vaccuum, cooked a little. I began to look forward to the end of October when we hope these treatments will be modified. I could easily and completely become obsessed with good blood!
Treatment cycle five began this past Thursday and already I'm droopy. The end, though, is in sight. I do not have to rely on my own strength. My God will supply--and does--my every need.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Friday, August 30, 2013
Around the compound . . .
. . . Maggie (the dog) has begun to exhibit signs of innate breeding--herding chickens and protecting her people.
. . . Thinning of 16th Section Land is going on right next to us. In fact machinery noises make the work sound as if it's right on our driveway.
. . . School is in full swing. Sarah has chair tryouts in band today; Petal High plays its second football game tonight; Drew is fascinated by some rubberband device and from experience I've warned him that school officials don't look kindly at such; even the 2nd grader and kindergarner have homework.
. . . We are still stalking the raccoon and it is still outsmarting us. Tommy has a trap on his back porch that he baits almost nightly. Said raccoon enjoys the bait, sometimes springs the trap, but is never caught.
. . . I feel more like myself this week than I have in several months, enjoying extra energy and eagerly anticipating finishing two more rounds of chemo.
On Facebook yesterday I posted about the "shrimp run" Tommy made to the coast. Today I am happy to add that all the shrimp is in the freezer, a little over a gallon of shrimp stock was made from the heads, oysters are ready and waiting for grilling, as is the snapper. I cooked pot roast and vegetables for dinner last night and was rewarded with: "Mom, you haven't forgotten how to cook." I have missed the kitchen!
My knitting needles have been busy working on various projects and I feel a sense of accomplishment that I have done those things I hate like weaving in loose ends, sewing on buttons, etc. One recent project is a shrug I'm making for Sarah and as I've knit I've thought of how following the pattern illustrates following God's pattern for living. It seems as if modern day Christians stress freedom we have in Christ, sometimes to the exclusion of that which God requires of us --otherwise know as the Law. In reality, there needs to be a balance. Paul wrote in Galatians about Christ setting us free from the Law, but he never said that we are to ignore it. Law was given to teach God's people how to live as His children and how to live in community with others. It was to be kept perfectly. When it wasn't, God was displeased and there were consequences. Thus came about the elaborate, exact sacrificial system of the Old Testament. I'm grateful we live because of God's grace and the righteousness of Christ.
Back to "balance." The Ten Commandments continue to be a pattern for living. They are not just some document to be posted in public places and to be upset about when opposition arises. They are to be studied and observed as our pattern for knowing what God requires of us and how we are to live with others ( a reminder from the Children's Catechism). Sarah's shrug is made of one four row pattern that repeats itself until the desired length is reached. At first I had the pattern right next to me as I knit to keep me on track, but soon it was firmly established in my head and I need not keep referring to it. If I made a mistake, the entire pattern was thrown off and I'd have to rip out and correct--consequences of not following the pattern. As I learned the pattern by knitting it over and over, I realized counting stitches was no longer necessary. The stitches were clear and I could see what needed to be done next. God's law, or pattern, is given for our instruction. As we thank God for the sacrifice of His Son so that we may have freedom to live, may we also ask for God's guidiance in understanding the Law and how we are to follow it today.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
. . . Maggie (the dog) has begun to exhibit signs of innate breeding--herding chickens and protecting her people.
. . . Thinning of 16th Section Land is going on right next to us. In fact machinery noises make the work sound as if it's right on our driveway.
. . . School is in full swing. Sarah has chair tryouts in band today; Petal High plays its second football game tonight; Drew is fascinated by some rubberband device and from experience I've warned him that school officials don't look kindly at such; even the 2nd grader and kindergarner have homework.
. . . We are still stalking the raccoon and it is still outsmarting us. Tommy has a trap on his back porch that he baits almost nightly. Said raccoon enjoys the bait, sometimes springs the trap, but is never caught.
. . . I feel more like myself this week than I have in several months, enjoying extra energy and eagerly anticipating finishing two more rounds of chemo.
On Facebook yesterday I posted about the "shrimp run" Tommy made to the coast. Today I am happy to add that all the shrimp is in the freezer, a little over a gallon of shrimp stock was made from the heads, oysters are ready and waiting for grilling, as is the snapper. I cooked pot roast and vegetables for dinner last night and was rewarded with: "Mom, you haven't forgotten how to cook." I have missed the kitchen!
My knitting needles have been busy working on various projects and I feel a sense of accomplishment that I have done those things I hate like weaving in loose ends, sewing on buttons, etc. One recent project is a shrug I'm making for Sarah and as I've knit I've thought of how following the pattern illustrates following God's pattern for living. It seems as if modern day Christians stress freedom we have in Christ, sometimes to the exclusion of that which God requires of us --otherwise know as the Law. In reality, there needs to be a balance. Paul wrote in Galatians about Christ setting us free from the Law, but he never said that we are to ignore it. Law was given to teach God's people how to live as His children and how to live in community with others. It was to be kept perfectly. When it wasn't, God was displeased and there were consequences. Thus came about the elaborate, exact sacrificial system of the Old Testament. I'm grateful we live because of God's grace and the righteousness of Christ.
Back to "balance." The Ten Commandments continue to be a pattern for living. They are not just some document to be posted in public places and to be upset about when opposition arises. They are to be studied and observed as our pattern for knowing what God requires of us and how we are to live with others ( a reminder from the Children's Catechism). Sarah's shrug is made of one four row pattern that repeats itself until the desired length is reached. At first I had the pattern right next to me as I knit to keep me on track, but soon it was firmly established in my head and I need not keep referring to it. If I made a mistake, the entire pattern was thrown off and I'd have to rip out and correct--consequences of not following the pattern. As I learned the pattern by knitting it over and over, I realized counting stitches was no longer necessary. The stitches were clear and I could see what needed to be done next. God's law, or pattern, is given for our instruction. As we thank God for the sacrifice of His Son so that we may have freedom to live, may we also ask for God's guidiance in understanding the Law and how we are to follow it today.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
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