Finally, I got to the computer . . .
. . . to write a word or two. It has been an interesting and busy few days for someone who has limited exposure to the outside world. Last Thursday was a treatment day and what a good day it was! My counts were a bit down, but not so much that I couldn't be treated. Since the treatment my body has let me know that they have continued their downward turn. I have been foggy, listless, fatigued and good for nothing. Okay, that's natural for me, but lately, more than usual. In the infusion room, I met and visited with three new folks, something I always enjoy. One was a gentleman, about my age and a fellow Presbyterian. Another was the husband of a lady being treated for a "second time around" cancer and he was noticeably nervous and anxious for her. The third was a beautiful young woman, thirty-three years old, married with two children, being treated for breast cancer. It was encouraging to witness her attitude, her trust and her determination. I also took a prayer shawl to leave for a man I met about a month ago and a fuzzy chemo hat for another friend I have made there. Making friends, sharing stories, being able to tell of God's goodness make trips to the cancer center good days.
The last few days the devotionals in Jesus Calling have emphasized trust more than usual--or maybe it just seems that way since trust needs underscoring in my life. Getting close to the end of this year long regiment of chemo, I tend to get anxious, look ahead and plan what I can do next. I know I drive my son crazy, complaining about being confined, not being able to drive, go where I want to go. This morning the devotional reminded the reader to be thankful, not complain. Let God be in control of our circumstances.
I really do complain a lot! Instead of thanking God for gifts of sunshine and rain, plants and flowers, I complain about the weather that's not to my liking. Instead of thanking God for the care my son provides, willingly, for me, I complain when I think he's overprotective. Instead of thanking God for the wonderful life He has given me, I complain, complain, complain. What I'm really doing is denying the Presence and the Peace of God. I am putting my trust in myself, when I know full well that Peace only comes with His Presence! Excuses are not acceptable, but I will say that the fatigue, the foggy brain, the listlessness all contribute to the complaints. We must be alert, aware of God's faithfulness, God's unchanging love, care, healing; God's Presence.
Give God the glory in all things!