Almost three weeks . . .
have passed since my last post. Things have been busy and I have fought fatigue. Usual pursuits continue: reading, studying, cooking, knitting, resting and trying to get out of the house more. The weather has been both gorgeous and stormy at times. I don't do well with storms. Lightening struck electrical wires leading into our house when I was four and I have hated thunder storms ever since. Spring has emerged with a profusion of blossoms and a hefty amount of pollen has dusted all exposed surfaces. The blossoms are to be enjoyed and the pollen endured. Welcome, Spring! It's time to get the garden started.
Last Thursday was the end of scheduled chemo treatments that began the middle of May last year. Monday we travel to Jackson for PET/CT scans, a visit with the doctor and to have a frank discussion about what comes next. On the one hand, this has been a hard year, one I do not wish to repeat. But, on the other hand, the confinement has afforded me much needed time to grow spiritually, to reflect on my life--past, present and future. God has dealt sternly and gently with me. He has increased my trust, assured me of His Presence and given me peace when all I really wanted was to have my own way. I expect no surprises when I see the doctor next week. Tests to this point have been good. One would expect to be able to eliminate treatment, but I'm told that with my history of this disease that has been declared "incurable," if/when it returns, it will be harder to control. I covet your prayers as the decision is made concerning the next step.
On Good Friday my Bible reading took me to the account of Abraham, Sarah and the Covenant in Genesis. As familiar as it is, this is a story that never ceases to stir my soul. Beginning in chapter 17, it says: When Abram was ninety-nine years old, God showed up and said to him, "I am The Strong God, live entirely before me, live to the hilt! I'll make a covenant between us and I'll give you a huge family." Overwhelmed, Abram fell flat on his face. (The Message)
We know what has come earlier: Abram had been promised an heir, but Sarai had not conceived. Impatiently taking things into her own hands she gave her husband Hagar so that a son might come from that union. Ishmael was born, but was not the promised heir. Now, both Abram and Sarai are old, well beyond childbearing years, but God promises again, proclaiming Who He is, demanding obedience and trust. Abram was overwhelmed, so much so he fell on his face.
I had to stop, ask myself: "Am I overwhelmed by God? Have I ever been?" In the everyday experiences of life, do I live and depend on the promises of God? Do I accept that He is "The Strong God?" Do I "live entirely before God?" Do I live "to the hilt?" Does God's promise to never leave me or forsake me overwhelm me?
It was Good Friday, another day acknowledged during Holy Week. Again, there were questions. This is the day we remember the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross for us--for ME. Does that not give one pause to think of God's overwhelming love? And then to realize, "It's Friday, but Sunday's Coming," only added to the sense of being overwhelmed. I can only praise God for I am truly blessed.
Overwhelmed is a word that has been much on my mind this week. It describes how I feel about what God has done for me, what God is doing now and what God has planned for my future.