Sadness is my companion, but it is not in charge! The fear has lessened--what I feared is becoming reality. It is sad to observe illness of any kind in the person you love and to whom you are commited. Today I sat with Tom as he talked to me about things he either only imagined, or he had dreamed, but I thought to myself, "At least he is not in pain." That's a good thing.
Yesterday was a pretty good day with conversations that made sense and not much agitation on Tom's part. I was able to get him an appointment next week to see the neurologist and that's a good thing. I'm a bit concerned with what he might tell me.
There is a certain sadness that we have not been able to do the things we dreamed and planned to do in our retirement. We're even sad we are retired! We never made it to Scotland; Tom never got to show me Munich where he lived almost three years on active duty; we cannot resume our treks to Starkeville to basketball games; we have been limited by illness and treatment.
But there are good things--part of our family around the corner and another part a phone call away. We had family who came for a few days the early part of the week, friends from Mississippi who come regularly, friends who have come from California and others who keep up with the modern technology we have. We have a wonderful church family in Humboldt who are really supportive and friends in the church in town who support us as well.
Today I was chosen to take Jacob to audition for All-West Tennessee Middle School Band. He's in seventh grade, has been playing alto sax about a year and a half and plays extremely well for his age. His mom, dad and I tried to encourage him with stories of our band years and competitions. (Of course, their memories are a bit fresher than mine.) Our stories may not have helped him much, but we sure did have fun talking about them. We'll know by tomorrow how he did in the auditions.
Thursday and Friday nights I spent with Tommy, Liz and children. I went over Thursday to watch the NCAA Football Championship and didn't want to come home late or in the extreme cold. The children were excited I was spending the night--funny how little things excite children. It was so much fun to be with them that I went back last night. Honestly, I was glad not to be by myself. When I told Tom, he thought it was a good thing. It was also a good thing for the SEC to bring home another championship, though I thought we'd choke cheering: "Roll Tide."
Even on Tom's worse days he knows me and tells me that he loves me. He doesn't have to tell me; I can feel it when I hold his hand and I can see it in his eyes. He looks like an old man--much like his Dad did when he died at 93. He looks weak and is very thin--down to 120 pounds. I won't remember him this way. I will remember the strong, handsome, competent, caring man I know and love. That comes from the inside and cannot be taken away--a good thing indeed.
Have a good day of worship tomorrow. God alone is worthy of our praise.