My daughter gives me too much credit. She says that I don't cry and I don't complain because the CA125 is elevated again. Maybe not, but the news does make me project, makes me consider again the "what ifs." Most of those projections and "what ifs" center around my family and especially Tom. We have witnessed what stress does to him; we have seen what happens to him when his attachment to me is interrupted. Thinking about that does indeed make me cry.
Yesterday I was a little anxious and searched many ovarian cancer sites to read what is said about recurrence and symptoms of recurrence. Information given is more for those with original diagnoses. Information about recurrence is just that: the disease is chronic, it is lingering. I knew that and I know that complaining does no good.
So, today I'm counting my blessings. My helper came this morning and I finally got out to get a pedicure--the first since before I broke my foot and ankle the end of May. I stopped by a nursery to buy pots to transplant the geraniums on the front porch. Yesterday I went out to dig them up and replace them with mums but couldn't stand to throw them away just because they are a little straggly and out of season. They still have buds and want to keep on blooming. In some ways I'm like those geraniums--spread out, a little wilted in places, but determined to bloom as long as I'm planted.
As I was thinking of where I am in my Wednesday Bible Study, "Peas for Dinner," I remembered that we are in the midst of the discussion on the Apostle Peter. Last week we looked at Peter in the Gospels and what a wishy washy, impetuous, brash person he was. Why would God use such a person? After Jesus restores Peter at the end of John and after the coming of the Holy Spirit at Pentecost, Peter is a changed person. He is bold and courageous, full of faith and mightily used by God in the establishment of the early church. Peter in Acts is led by the Holy Spirit--he is a different man. Well, I'm not Peter, but that same Spirit that made him bold and courageous, full of faith and used by God is the Spirit that indwells me and that same Spirit will equip me just as He equipped Peter and all who rely on Him. God blesses with messages in sometimes unexpected ways.
Next week I'll meet in St. Louis with a committee that, among other things, plans leadership training events for people who work with older adults. I haven't been able to be with them in over a year and I'm excited about seeing them and the work we will do together. Tom and I are going to attend a Parkinson's symposium at Vanderbilt then it's on to visit our daughter and her family. Along the way we're looking forward to lots of fall color and just being together.
Good things far outweigh bad things in my life and I'll remember them and be thankful when I'm tempted to cry or complain. Thanks for your prayers.