Finally Back

Last Saturday I picked up my new laptop at Office Depot and I've been struggling learning the differences in it and the former laptop. I was so used to the one I had!

Let's see if I can give you a brief update on our October activities.

• Did I tell you that Tom joined a fitness center and is working with a personal trainer two days a week? He is doing well and I know it is helping him.
• On the negative side, he gets more disoriented and less functioning as the afternoon turns to evening. Parkinson's is so unpredictable!!
• The cataract surgeries have done well and we look forward to seeing the opthamologist this week for a final time--we hope.
• I was able to resume the Avastin, but thus far have not noticed any good it's done. My blood pressure has risen, but it's being controlled by medication. My red blood count is creeping down necessitating shots in an attempt to prompt cell production. The CA125 is creeping up. I will go to the Memphis office in another couple of weeks for scans and for my monthly visit with the doctor. Please pray for a positive visit.
• The past two Sundays I filled the pulpit in Humboldt, taught Sunday School the week before that and began this year's PW Bible Study in Revelation. (Next, I begin work on the Advent devotions for our church here--have to get busy fast or won't be ready.)

Not only has the blog drought been broken, but the rains finally returned this past week. With the rain came cooler temperatures and it's beginning to feel and look more like fall. Tom and I have begun our periodic runs downtown to check out the ghinko trees lining the streets--not much yellow showing yet. A friend took us by the West Tennessee Experiment Station yesterday afternoon to see a huge one there and it had one yellow branch. The interesting thing about it, however, is that its trunk is a series of interwoven trunks, the like of which I have never seen. They also erect a big pumpkin display yearly and we enjoyed that as well. I love fall.

This coming week we are making our long awaited trip to Raleigh to baptize Colin next Sunday. We covet your prayers as we travel and as we welcome another covenant child into the Covenant Family.

Very shortly we anticipate the arrival of five costumed Suttles so they can trick or treat at our house before going to visit with friends in a neighborhood that has more children. They had Trunk or Treat at the church Wednesday night and with tonight's outing I decided they had enough candy so I'm packaging grapes and wrapping some pieces of cake I made especially for them today. At least the grapes are healthy. I'd best go busy myself getting things ready.

I've missed visiting with you and hope you are all well.

Blessings,

Pastor Margaret

Status Report

In case you wonder where I am and what's up, my computer is about to die on me and it's rather awkward to type with one hand while holding the cord in place with the other. Hopefully, I'll be back in business in a few days. Til then.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Ups and Downs

We all have them. Some have more ups than downs; some more downs than ups. And, with some you can't tell the difference. It could be a matter of perspective. It could be one's circumstances; it could be one's age; it could be how long the circumstances have been endured. I don't know much, but I do know that we have good days and we have bad days. Shoot, we have good hours, followed by bad ones. One minute Tom can be up and going, alert, anxious to get on with things. The next minute he may be disoriented, weak and shaking inside. I guess that's the nature of Parkinson's. This week we've been more up than down, though I am still plagued by aenemia that manifests itself in fatigue and shortness of breath--more than anything, that makes me mad.

Let me tell you what Tom did this week. He had called a fitness center last week for information and Monday he announced he wanted me to take him so he could see firsthand what they had to offer. We went, signed him up for four months and made an appointment for Wednesday to talk about personal trainers. He wants to regain some strength and weight and is determined to do everything he can to improve his condition. Neither of us is in denial. We know what Parkinson's does to the body, but we also know the research that supports the positive effects of exercise on PD patients. He starts with his trainer Monday.

Tuesday we went with a group of older adults from the church to spend some time at the river house of one of the members. We are very near the Tennessee River and there are many lakes, creeks and the like associated with the river. the house where we went is located on Lick Creek, at Parsons, TN, the sight of a Civil War battle. Most of our group enjoyed a ride on the pontoon boat, while the rest of us chose to remain at the house to visit and get lunch ready. Tommy had prepared his own version of pulled pork and others of us fixed slaw, potato salad, baked beans and dessert. After lunch I taught several how to play Chicken Foot, a domino game, in case it's not familiar to you. What a good time we had!

On the way to the house I noticed a field of cotton so full of open bolls needing to be picked that it looked like snow. The sight made me think of two things, completely unrelated. First, I thought of the Bible verse that tells of the "fields that are white unto harvest." No matter how many churches dot our landscape, no matter how many profess to believe, there are many remaining who need to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. That personal relationship is so much more than putting our name on a church register. What can I do to help with the harvest?

The second thought was of a tee shirt friends gave Tom one Christmas we lived in California. The shirt is white with a dark gray design of a cotton field. The caption reads: "Ski Mississippi." Any time Tom wears that shirt I imagine cotton in the fields at all its stages--each one is beautiful. The only stage that is not so beautiful is when the picker has done its job and all you see are brown stalks with white leftovers. Did those cotton scraps not quite measure up? Did they miss the bus? What will become of them? It seems like a waste. Nevertheless, it's only cotton. What if we went through the "fields that are white unto harvest" and ignored the ones who cling to the stalks, the ones that are left and ignored?

Tomorrow is Corinth--no visit with the oncologist, just infusion. We keep praying for healing, but these days I especially pray for a good attitude and for patience to stay the course. Will you join us?

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Fall in the South

This has always been one of my favorite times of year. I love the cooler temperatures, the changing colors, the falling leaves, the way the shadows fall at the end of the day and I love high school and SEC football.

I love the Farmers' Market in the fall. This morning I hurriedly dressed for a quick trip to check on fall offerings. The nearby Mennonite community sells large pots of mum in a variety of colors for $5 each. I wanted one of every color, but decided on yellow: two for the front porch and one for Kia, our helper. Next, I spotted someone selling pears and apples and bought a few pounds of each. Our stash of apple butter and pear honey has been depleted and it's time to make some more. You know what I'll be doing next week.

Tom has been working in the yard this week, trying to trim bushes and get rid of privet hedge. I've decided privet is like sin and cancer and possibly kudzu. Once they start growing, get a foothold, they are hard to stop. Cutting back privet doesn't help; that only encourages growth. You have to REALLY cut it back, saturate the stumps with deadly chemical and pray for the best. Sounds like cancer and its treatment to me! Sin, too, needs to be completely eliminated and the remaining parts treated with daily doses of spiritual medicine. Kudzu may be unstoppable. In any case, privet, sin and cancer all call for drastic measures. We're out to get them all!!

The good news of last week paled a little this week. That one infusion of Avastin last Friday sent my blood pressure right back up again. I've been on a med to bring it down and keep it at a desirable level, but the insurance people, in their infinite wisdom, disallowed it and sent a substitute. I've not yet started the sub, but according to the literature, the side effects are many. Why would they change something that works perfectly well? Oh, well. It's part of the journey. Our prayer is that a safe blood pressure level can be maintained and that the Avastin will reverse the progress of the cancer. That's a lot to ask, but not too much for our God.

Now I must tear myself away from football and my comfortable chair to satisfy Tom's lunch craving--good ole' West Tennessee barbeque. Only Tommy's can beat it!

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

A Banner Week

This past week was full of doctor stuff with four out of five days finding one or the other of us being seen for something. That seems to be more and more the norm--not a complaint--just a statement of fact. Most of our appointments were in connection with Tom's cataract surgeries: Monday we did follow up on the first surgery; Wednesday was the second eye and Thursday was the first follow up to the second surgery. The doctor seems to be pleased with his work and with Tom's progress, though it will be a little longer before the final correction for his sight. Right now he's experimenting to see whether he sees better with his glasses or without. I suspect it's a little frustrating, but he doesn't complain.

Friday we learned that the Avastin could be resumed. My blood pressure was the lowest it's been since Avastin was introduced over a year ago. Hopefully, medication will help maintain it so I can continue the Avastin. Also, my red cell count had improved by 2 tenths of a point--not much, but it did go up and not down. You can bet we've said many hallelujahs and praise the Lords!

There are hints of fall in the air--falling leaves, a few trees beginning to turn, football. I love the way the shadows fall in the late afternoon this time of year. Still the daily temperatures promise to remain in the mid-nineties. I'm ready for cooler weather!

After a week such as we've had I ponder all the ways God has blessed us. His blessings never cease; they just keep coming. It is humbling when I consider how truly unworthy and undeserving I am. God's blessings are such a demonstration of His unconditional love for His children. I am unworthy, undeserving, but oh so grateful!

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Too Good to be True

We have just returned from the most wonderful weekend with our church family in Jackson, MS. Covenant Presbyterian Church celebrated its 50th anniversary this past weekend with much visiting, remembering, food and a glorious worship service yesterday morning. I cannot begin to write how special everything was.

At the Friday night banquet we were seated with some who had served on staff together in the late eighties. Joe Rightmyer, former senior pastor, had driven over from Dallas with his wife and daughter; Bill Ballou, former youth director, came from Memphis with his wife and daughter; Kathy Kenne, former children's director, flew in from a mission trip in Kenya that afternoon and was perky and pretty as ever; Will Jones, former custodian and faithful follower of Jesus came with his son. Later we saw other former staff members--Stewart Edwards, now president of French Camp Academy and former youth director and Robyn Farber, former children's director and mother to three beautiful daughters, one of whom was there also. Sitting around that dinner table brought back lots of memories of sitting in staff meetings together long ago. Especially I remembered how energizing it was to be with Joe, Bill and Kathy at our afternoon chocolate seeking or yogurt craving outings to discuss upcoming ministry events. We planned and laughed and fed off each other. What a staff! What wonderful friends!

The Saturday luncheon provided opportunity to see more friends and to be brought up to date on some who could not be there and to be reminded of the history and ministry of the church through the years. I was given an opportunity to tell something of what has been going on with us in the years since we left "home." Being in front of people to speak is not difficult for me, but I'll have to say Saturday's remarks were the most difficult I've ever had to deliver. I was not prepared for the emotion that overwhelmed me when I stood at the podium and looked out into the faces of those who have nurtured both me and my family, who have encouraged and affirmed the ministry God has given me and who have literally shared most of my life. I was so scattered that the carefully thought out remarks disappeared.

We had been told that the sanctuary had a "new" look and that we wouldn't believe it. That was an understatement. I was amazed at the transformation and the beauty of the worship space.
Covenant has long been noted for the quality of its music ministry and yesterday's offering was wonderful. The angels in heaven were no doubt singing along! Again we saw friends who had not been present at other events. We were packed into a pew with special friends, son Tommy and grandson Jacob.

Tom and I stayed with special friends, Glen and Marilyn Graves and had such a good time relaxing and catching up. Saturday afternoon they took us on a tour of downtown Jackson so we could see recent developments and how the city has changed. Now, if the city would only resurface the streets!!! Saturday night we stayed in, enjoyed a tasty dinner that the Graves had waiting just in case we didn't want to go out and watched a little football. There is nothing like good friends, good food and the comfortable, sustaining feelings that come when being together.

Having Tommy and Jacob with us was a bonus. Tommy did all the driving and watched over Tom and me like the protector he is. They stayed with Liz's brother and his wife (who, incidentally, was Jacob's first and favorite babysitter) and three little boys. That gave them opportunity to visit with family and be part of the celebration as well. It was quite a weekend for us all!!

This morning the emotions are mixed. Memories of the weekend have my spirits lifted above the clouds. I am grateful for the blessings God has given us through the years, yet I miss being surrounded by the "cloud of witnesses" known as Covenant Presbyterian Church.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Yesterday . . .

Yesterday was a serendipity kind of day. I had not been to the grocery store in three weeks--no bread, a few eggs, no milk, no lettuce. Thank goodness for a freezer and for leftovers. Still it was time to make a trip and it was the first Wednesday of the month meaning a five percent savings for senior citizens. I had a plan--had, being the operative word. Kia had to leave for a little while, but was coming back to go with us to the store. Tom had another plan. His involved no extra help. I knew it was a mistake to engage his plan and not mine, but I also knew that was not a battle I wanted to fight at that time.

I had a good talk with myself before we went. I would be patient; I would not raise my voice when he couldn't find things on the shelf; I would be glad he wanted to go and could help even a little bit. He pushed a shopping cart behind me as I motored up and down the aisles--it's a good thing those motorized things stop on a dime! His ideas didn't always jive with the list I had, but it didn't matter. Only when he picked up the wrong sugar did I send him back to exchange it for what I intended. We were doing fine until check out when I realized that it was almost one, we were in the line with a brand new checker and we had a doctor's appointment at 1:10 p.m. In order to save time, I handed Tom the car keys when the groceries were all in the cart and suggested he go begin putting things in the car while I helped correct some mistakes made in the ticket. I could see our car in the first handicapped spot right outside the door, but I couldn't see Tom. When I finally did get outside I spotted him two rows over and in the middle of the lot. It was so noisy it was hard to make him hear me, but I guided him to our car, we loaded the groceries and headed home to put frozen things away. It was 1 p.m. Fortunately, we live close to important things like church, grocery store, drug store and doctors' offices! We made it to the office at 1:12, waited a few minutes and were taken back for his check up.

While we were waiting for the doctor Tommy called to see if we could possibly get Jacob from school. I said we could if we weren't long with the doctor. We finished up, came back home to unload more groceries, put drops in Tom's eyes and off we went to get Jacob. Of course, we'd had no lunch. Jake and I usually get ice cream when I pick him up and Tom and I decided that would do for lunch. We went to a place in town that has been designated as one of the ten best ice cream parlors in the US. None of us had been and had a good time walking around see all the "treasures" for sale--enjoyed the ice cream treat too. Afterwards, we stopped by a music store to see if baritone sax reeds Tommy had ordered had arrived. Jake knew the store well because Pop, his other granddad, and he had been there together. He showed us the 12 string guitar and the mandolin they had looked at and was a happy young man to walk out with the long awaited reeds. I was a happy wife and grandmother to be with two such fine fellows.

A harried, hurried day had turned into one where we just let things happen. Spending a leisurely hour or so visiting and eating ice cream with our grandson was one of the week's highlights, for sure!!

Last night at church Tommy taught an overview of Galatians in preparation for a ten week small group study. I have heard him teach a lot since we've moved here, but I'll have to say that last night was probably the best. Not only did we learn things about Paul and his writing to the churches in Galatia, but those who will be small group leaders were helped in their preparation as well. God has blessed Tommy with a real gift and He has blessed us to have the opportunity to hear him teach!

Tom's cataract surgery went very well and we are looking forward to the second one in two more weeks. We are hopeful that when all is said and done, his vision will be improved. It has been a busy week. We look forward to the beginning of SEC football. Go Dawgs!!!!

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Old age is not for sissies . . .


At least that's what I've been told. I've also heard these older years referred to as the Golden Years. The response to that is whoever named them "golden" hasn't reached these years yet. So, how did I get where I am today?

Just this week I was reflecting on the beginnings of Older Adult Ministry at our home church in Mississippi at the request of some folks working on the fiftieth anniversary of the church. I was reminded of one of the obstacles I had to overcome--age. I was in my forties and felt rather presumptious telling people older than I what they needed. My convictions about ministering to and alongside older adults were, at that point, theory. I had been carefully taught both in the classroom and by being a caregiver for my mother, but I was young myself. Then one day I opened my eyes and the theories had become reality; "they" had become "we." We were on Medicare and folks no longer asked to see ID if we were to qualify for senior citizen discounts. Those maladies that plagued the elderly "others" became all too familiar.


This week Tom has the first of two cataract surgeries, a condition associated more with the older folks. We have to be at the surgery center Tuesday at 6:45 a.m. Who in their right mind gets up that early anymore? The surgery has become so streamlined over the years that the pre-admit process takes more effort than the actual surgery--or so it seems. Tom is looking forward to improved vision.

I am increasingly aware of limitations imposed upon us, not just because of our ages, but also because of our illnesses. How far or how much I have to walk determines much of where I go and what I do. This week I've had problems with sore feet in addition to the persistent fatigue. Both are side effects of chemo. Plans to go to the grocery store have become as involved as planning for a two week vacation. I have begun to use a motorized cart and thus far haven't run over anyone or anything and I've found that most people are really eager to help you reach those items that are either too high or too low on the shelves.

This week our goals are for him to see better and for me to walk better. Those are not only our goals, but our prayer as well.

I have been blessed by so, so many people in Older Adult Ministry. There are people for whom the ministry was planned; there are those with whom I worked--people in local churches, people across the denomination. My life has been enriched by them all. The circumstances of older age might not be golden, but the wisdom gained, the rewards of friendship and family shine brighter than gold.

I am older, but I am definitely not a sissy.

I will claim Isaiah 40:29-31: He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

If I had a nickel . . .

Last week we were sitting in a doctor's examining room and for the umpteenth time one of us posed the question: how much money would we have if we had a nickel for every hour we've spent waiting in a doctor's office? We would have earned our nickel, and then some, on that day. In fact, that doctor always apologizes for keeping us waiting before he says hello. Friday we went to Corinth and waited some more, though it wasn't as bad as it could have been. The appointment clerk had originally scheduled us for 9 a.m. even with my telling her that we couldn't get there that early and why. I simply asked someone else if it could be changed; she does understand our situation and gladly changed it. If we had arrived by nine the wait would have been over two hours--and I would not have been happy. Today I had a check up with the primary care doctor to have blood tests and discuss my blood pressure. The wait for him was minimal, but this afternoon we visited the eye clinic for Tom to have pre-surgery tests done. They involved a wait! When he finally was seen and his blood pressure checked, it was found to be too low to have his cataract surgery next week. The tech got on the phone, checked with the primary care to see when Tom could be seen and was told we could come straight there. More waiting, but, after all, we weren't on the schedule. When the doctor came in, he laughed when he saw us back and said, "What have you done today beside sit in doctors' offices? You look exhausted." He did give the go ahead for the surgery. Too bad Tom and I can't share blood pressure!

My visit with the oncologist Friday did not change my treatment schedule. He continues to be concerned with my higher blood pressure and wants it down before resuming the Avastin. We are to get a monitor so I can track the pressure daily, let him know and hopefully, start the Avastin again. The good news is that the CA125 has dropped a few tenths of a point, after having increased little by little for the last several months. One doctor is concerned with the stroke possibility; another doesn't like my aenemic state; I want to keep attacking the cancer and live to the fullest in the meanwhile!

Finally the heat has broken some! We are actually promised some days this week down into the eighties and someone said they heard we had a fifties forecast for a night later in the week. Whew! The heat has been stiffling, but I'll have to say that the humidity isn't as bad as what we experienced in Mississippi all the years we lived there.

What I have written seems full of complaints: too much waiting; blood pressure issues for us both; issues with the chemo treatments; heat and humidity, but I don't mean them as complaints. On the way home this afternoon I couldn't help but chuckle thinking about the ups and downs of the day. It wasn't dull! We have wonderful doctors with caring, compassionate staffs. The blood pressure can be monitored and adjusted; the treatments keep me fatigued most of the time, but they also are keeping the cancer at arm's length. We are glad to be alive.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

The day after . . .

It is the day after Tom's birthday and we are still celebrating. He has been receiving cards all week--in fact he got one the first of the month--he has been hugged by grandchildren in town, talked to by one far away, and tonight we are going out to eat and go back to Tommy's for ice cream and cake with the grands. I made caramel cake, at his request, but the frosting isn't quite right. Maybe I got in too big a hurry. Anyway, we're up for a celebration!

Yesterday we drove to Blytheville, Arkansas so that I could attend a meeting of the Board of Directors of Westminster Village of the Mid-South. It was my first visit to the facility, though I have been aware of it since it was on the drawing board. There was a Strategic Air Command base located in the cotton fields surrounding Blytheville and it was closed when the government began downsizing the military and our defense systems. Presbyterians representing the local church, the Presbytery and the Synod teamed up with other interested folks, negotiated a lease with Uncle Sam and chartered the property for a retirement community, a school and conference center. Because the property cost was minimal and there were living quarters already present, they have been able to offer nice retirement homes at more affordable prices than some out there. I was invited several months ago to join the Board but had not been able to attend a meeting until yesterday. It was such a pleasure to see the continuing project and to hear an unsolicited testimony from a resident in the cafe. If anyone reading this blog is interested in knowing more, let me hear from you and I'll get information to you.

In order to get to Blytheville from here, there are two options: drive south to Memphis, cross the river, then go north to Blytheville--about 140 miles; drive northwest to Dyersburg, cross the river into Missouri, then go south to Blytheville--about 95 miles. We chose going through Missouri. "The river" of which I speak is the Mississippi, a body of water I have always loved and for which I have deep respect. Many years of my life were spent close to the Mississippi and I crossed the river at least once a week during those years. I never tired of watching it roll by; I loved seeing the tugboats pushing the barges; I was always aware of the dangers of the river, but also how it contributed to economy of the area. After all these years, yesterday I felt excitement rising to the surface as we approached the bridge and as I looked below and saw the Mighty Mississip'.

The other sight that thrills me is descending from higher ground into the Delta. As a young child I lived in the Mississippi Delta and traveled with my father when I could. He represented a wholesale drug company out of Memphis and his territory consisted of the little towns up and down Highway 61--that's Blues' land. Those were happy days for me. For a time I didn't know hills or mountains or rocky plains existed. I thought all land was like the Delta. Yesterday we drove through lots of cotton fields, soy beans and corn and the sight took me back. The machinery we passed is modern--no people chopping and sights of large contraptions that look like insects with giant arms reaching out to irrigate the fields. Times have changed; I've gotten older, but my love for the river and the Delta it has created only grows. God's creation is amazing. We've been privileged to see a lot of it.

Have a good weekend.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

This n' That

This past two weeks have gone by quickly and once again it's time for our bi-weekly trip to Corinth tomorrow. Since our last visit I have begun taking medicine to lower my blood pressure so will be interested to see if it's working. Still, I don't imagine a decision will be made on The Avastin until I see the oncologist in another two weeks.

Our friends John and Connie, transplanted from California to Iowa came to see us Saturday. John is quite a Civil War buff and visits battlesites whenever he can. I would even imagine that he has seen more of the Southern ones than I have. Anyway, we benefit from his hobby since we are close to or on the way to many sites in the South. Last week they drove to Vicksburg, MS to tour the battlefield there and then back to Memphis to visit with some of Connie's relatives. They spent Saturday with us and would have come back on Tuesday, but John was under the weather and they wanted to be considerate of my lowered immunity these days. We were disappointed, but glad we had Saturday.

Public schools opened here on Monday. It's too soon and too hot!!!! The summer vacation was barely two months and temperatures have been over 100 degrees for several days. Tuesday the heat index was 120. We have stayed inside as much as possible, going out only when necessary. Last night we did go to church, today to Bible study and to pick up Jacob from school. I asked to be excused from a Committee on Ministry meeting in Memphis because of the heat and the distance I would have to walk to get to the meeting room. (I never thought I'd hear or read that I'd said those words. I've always been the "Don't tell me I can't do something else I prove you wrong" kind of person.)

The other thing we did today was vote--the ballot was long and I only cast a vote in four races--hardly worth the effort to go. Some candidates have flooded the airways, lately with negative statements about each other. Many candidates were unfamiliar names, people who either didn't have the funds to campaign or thought it unnecessary. Our local newspaper has been absolutely NO help--maybe I'll write a letter to the editor. If we're going to live here, we need to vote, but we need to be able to vote intelligently.

At an early age I began reading historical novels, a real bonus to my education. My mother belonged to the Book of the Month Club and that genre was a favorite of hers. Believing that reading is one of life's greatest pasttimes and not having a TV until I was a senior in high school had me reading in much of my spare time and it is one of the things that I relish in retirement. I have recommended books of a Spiritual nature (and will again), but today I want to tell you about a recent read. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows is a story of the Channel island of Guernsey and how the people lived during the German occupation. It is written as a series of letters between one character and another, a style I have not previously encountered. At first I thought it might be too boring, too stiff, but after reading five or six letters, I was hooked. There really was a literary society on Guernsey that often served potato peel pie for refreshments. How the society formed, what it did for the people and how they survived, eating things like potato peel society, is all part of the book's charm.

The kitchen calls. Count your blessings--if you can stay awake that long.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Salt and Pepper

Ever since Jacob was big enough to stand on a step stool he has cooked with his dad. I remember a time I was keeping him and was told he'd like macaroni and cheese for lunch and that he would like to help make it. He was between two and three years old. The others have come along behind him, each taking their turns in the kitchen, helping buy groceries, choosing vegetables at the Farmers' Market. Now, it's time for Marty to start the same with Christopher who is two and a half. I can think of all kinds of good reasons to teach your children to cook with you: the parent learns to exercise patience, the child beams with a sense of accomplishment and it's one more thing you can do together. I love knowing that my children are spending time in the kitchen with their children--and I love the outcomes.

Recently, I called Marty, asked what she was doing and she said she was eating a blueberry muffin with salt. That seemed a strange combination until she told me that it had been Christopher's job to add the salt. He went a bit overboard. But, she, being the good mother she is, was eating those muffins and enjoying every bite. Monday night we had a hamburger supper with Tommy and family and Meredith had helped him stir up the baked beans. They were really hot. You guessed it. She added the pepper and was so proud of herself for how she had helped. Tonight Sarah, age 10, made the berry cobblers for supper at the church. Not a spoonful was left in either pan so I know they were good. I'm a proud grandmama and a proud mama. I'm proud of my children for teaching their children to cook; I'm proud of my children for exercising good parenting skills; I'm happy to witness the bonds that are being strengthened with every stir.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Wrapping up the weekend . . .

The weekend was busy, yet quiet. Friday was a Corinth day and a visit with the oncologist; Tommy, Liz and family left for Family Camp; Saturday was too hot to do much of anything; and today we worshiped at Humboldt.

Ever since the TIA episodes in June and seeing the oncologist right after their occurrence we have felt as if our feet were stuck in concrete. It wasn't good news to hear that the medicine that was supposedly helping so much would have to be eliminated, even for the time being. The good doctor said that we would have to wait and see what happened in the next few weeks. Friday was the day we were to "see." Thankfully, my blood pressure has come down, so now the plan is to discuss medication possibilities with the primary care doctor that will assist the pressure to stay down. Elevated blood pressure is a possible side effect of the Avastin and an effect that was much more than a possibility in my case. We are all hopeful that medication will help and that I can get back on the Avastin ASAP. Again, Dr. Reed spoke of the scans taken in June, emphasizing that there was no advancement of disease. He even smiled some, making me feel much better! Hopefully, the red cell boosting shot I got will help chase away the constant fatigue. Tom and I celebrated at our favorite Corinth restaurant, the Dinner Bell, a typical down home, Southern eating place.

As we were getting back to Jackson, Tommy and his family were loading vans for Family Camp. The children had been talking about it for weeks--couldn't wait to go. I suspect the parents didn't share their enthusiasm. It takes a lot of effort to get everyone ready, pack the right equipment, sleep with seven in a room, then wade through all the dirty wet clothes upon coming home. The heat continues to be stiflling! Fortunately, there is a cold mountain stream running through the campsite that helps some with the heat. We didn't even consider going this year because of the heat and the walking involved. You might say that we're feeling our age these days. Saturday was too quiet. Just knowing that no one around the corner was home created a real feeling of emptiness.

I missed my Saturday early morning trip to the Farmers' Market--lack of energy and heat kept me home. Now it will be Tuesday before the tomato lady is there again and "Yes, we have no tomatoes." In the summer, that's just plain criminal!

This morning I had the opportunity to participate in the installation of the new pastor at 1st Presbyterian, Humboldt. What an uplifting service! The congregation has been so welcoming to the pastor and it was obvious that in the few short weeks she has been there that they have endeared themselves to each other. In many ways it was a homecoming experience for Tom and me as we literally soaked up the smiles and hugs that came our way. I look forward to seeing what God will do in Humboldt.

I look forward to seeing what God will do in our lives. How will He use me next? How will I use my gifts to glorify God? When God is in charge life is never dull. It is exciting and full of promise. I can't wait to see what comes next.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Reminder to Self . . .

In blogs past I have written of a friend Marty's age who was diagnosed with inflamatory breast cancer in 2007, just months after her second little boy was born. Not only is she a wife and mother, she also has an impressive career as a nuclear physicist with NASA (I think I have that right), is a wonderful friend and family person and has campaigned tirelessly for awareness of her particular kind of cancer and advocated for mothers with cancer. She is quite a young woman! She has been in remission until a few months ago and a second cancer was found, necessitating more treatment. Her comments about the fatigue and its effects on her life have caused me to think about my own and the ways I've tried to manage it. They also made me wonder just how she does all she does and what an inspiration she is!

Do you remember the story about the three billy goats gruff? I didn't until just now as I was visualizing what the fatigue is like. It could be likened to the troll(s) who lived under the bridge the goats had to cross. They knew they had to go over the bridge to get from one place to another and that there was the looming possibility that the troll was there waiting for them. It was a monster determined to attack as they crossed. Anticipating crossing the bridge caused apprehension. There was fear while crossing and finally they reached the other side--or not.

Fatigue during chemo and/or radiation is unavoidable. (I have not had to have radiation so I'm only writing what I've heard about it.) The drugs do lower your blood counts, though every cancer patient responds differently. The lower your counts, the more tired you become; the more chemo you take, the more difficult it is for your bone marrow to produce new cells. Those things are givens. I will be tired, but I have a choice in how I manage. I can either focus on how tired I am and do nothing or I can live with it the very best that I can.

A few words come to mind:
*PACE yourself. Alternate tasts that require a lot of energy with those that don't.
*ACCEPT help that is offered and thank God for His provision.
*REALIZE that you are not Super Woman (or Man). You will not be evaluated or judged by how much you can and cannot do.
*RELY on the strength Paul writes about in Philippians (I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me) and the grace he writes about in II Corinthians (My grace is sufficient for you).

Practically speaking, LEARN to use your time wisely; LEARN to do things sitting down; and LEARN to tell it like it is. You know your body; you know when the fatigue hits and when you are at your lowest. Plan your errands for the time when your body is recuperating and the energy is rising. Don't stand to do a chore in the kitchen that you could you as easily do sitting down. If you are visiting with someone and you tire of standing, ask if they mind if you sit. Ask your doctor to fill out the paper work to get you a temporary handicap parking permit.

It is amazing how God uses people in our lives. I have known Susan, the young woman about whom I wrote, for more than twenty years--ever since she and Marty were in junior high. I listened to them giggle, heard them whisper about boys and helped them dress to double date for their first dance. She was the scientific sort; Marty was the musician, but they were friends above all and have remained so all these years. I pray that God will completely heal her and that she will touch others as she has touched me.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Doing what comes naturally . . .

If you follow me on facebook you know I described yesterday as a "great day" and it was. I was standing at the stove cooking hotcakes when a Humboldt friend ran in the back door to bring crowder peas and tomatoes. She brought both shelled and unshelled peas and I look forward to shelling them later today while we watch a baseball game on TV. For years that's what I did on Saturday afternoons after lunch in the summer. I'd set up a TV tray, spread it with peas or beans and settle down to watch the baseball game. It won't matter today that it's Friday and the peas came from a friend and not from Dad's garden. Missing will be Spook the cat who loved to steal peas off the tray for his own enjoyment.

Later in the day I peeled and chopped tomatoes to make a triple recipe of tomato sauce for the freezer. Some years ago I found a simple tomato sauce recipe in a pasta book and using it as a guide, have been making it ever since. When tomatoes are in season I use fresh ones--fresh herbs too when I have them--and in winter I use canned tomatoes. What a difference a good sauce makes! Our children took up the habit of making their own sauce too. In fact, Tommy freely gives out his recipes when asked, but he never passes on the information that the sauce is homemade and surely never shares how he makes the sauce.

This afternoon summer kitchen habits include making peach pie for the freezer and cobbler for eating now. We have an abundance of peaches since I went to the Farmers' Market Tuesday and someone brought us a bag full the same day. Maybe I'll make extra pie crusts and put them in the freezer to have when needed or maybe I'll put two peach pies in the freezer.

The highlight of yesterday was leading Tommy's noon Bible study. Health issues have kept us from attending and it was good to be with special friends and to open God's word together.

Yesterday was a stifling day--hard to breathe and certainly not a day to do any work outside. After a run to the post office to finally get our income tax packet off to our CPA, we went to the nursery to buy plants for the bed Jacob has been cleaning out for us. The choices were few to say the least. Who, in their right mind, would wait until the middle of July to plant summer flowers? We would! We bought a butterfly bush, two big lantanas and some shasta daisies, all for our enjoyment and to attract birds and butterflies. They don't know it's late in the season.
Today hasn't been quite as hot and we did get four holes dug and the plants in their new home. I also managed to get in a little weeding and trimming. I'd forgotten how much I like to work in the yard. Now I'm both chemo tired and yard tired--mostly a good feeling.

I love summertime and all the memories of summers past. I love being in the kitchen, taking care of summer produce, putting things in the freezer, enjoying vegetable plates with biscuits for Tom and cornbread for me. We are blessed with an abundance of good things to eat, family with whom to share, friends who share with us. "Our cup runneth over." And now, I'm signing off to take a power nap. Enjoy your summer and be thankful in all things.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Looking Back . . .

The week was full of doctor visits, family time and fresh produce. The doctors are necessary and we're grateful for the ones we have so I'm not complaining about going. Tom had a check up with his primary care who grinned from ear to ear when he saw Tom. He couldn't get over the amount of improvement he saw--weight gain and increased strength. Annual checkups with the opthamologist brought news that Tom's cataracts are ready and we'll go back in a couple of weeks to visit with the doctor who will actually do the surgery. Our doctor no longer operates. I had some macular changes and it is believed they are causing a little change in my vision. When the "problem" was discovered several years ago I was told it would deveop over time and eye vitamins would help. At that time we thought the cancer would take over and I'd not have to think about possible eye issues and I confess that I'm not good about taking vitamins, but think I will now. Friday was a trip to Corinth for the chemo drug, but not the Avastin. Often I am a bit nauseated and tired the day after, but haven't been either today so took advantage of feeling good and worked in the kitchen some.

After I enjoyed a pedicure this morning I went to the Farmers' Market, mainly for tomatoes. I went, telling myself that I would buy just what I could put up or cook today and stuck to it. so this afternoon I made blueberry pie and froze two packages of corn. Can't wait to eat blueberry pie in a little while!

Monday afternoon we had planned to grill hamburgers etc., sit on the porch and watch the children play. Tommy was involved in a project so we decided to order pizza instead and still get our visit in. Jacob was inside playing the piano and came outside to get Sarah and Drew to play a game of matching tones. After a few minutes of that he came back and proudly proclaimed that Drew matched every tone! I looked at Liz and said, "Could anyone else tell that this is a family of musicians?" His Mimi & Pop (Liz's parents) and his Aunt Marty would be equally proud since they are musicians of note. The rest of us all have musical backgrounds as well.

What might be called "the thought for the day" in a link to Our Daily Bread said this today: If we obey God's calling, He will provide the needed strength. A few particular people came to mind as I read that statement. We all have issues; we all have frustrations; we all have areas where we just have to be in charge. Some continue to search for God's direction--for a specific call; some believe they know what God wants of them, but are frustrated with the process. The quote for the day affirms what we already know. God demands our obedience whether the issue is what we should do or where we should go. Even in retirement we are to remain obedient. The second part of the statement is another 24/7 thing to remember: He will provide the needed strength. Today I will remember to be "anxious for nothing;" I can depend on God to provide the strength I need.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Postscript to yesterday . . .


What irony! Sometimes on Saturday we turn to AMC to watch old westerns. Yesterday we disccovered that John Wayne was being featured, westerns and WWII movies. After I had written the post a new movie came on that was about the war between the states--with a Union focus. (Those are hard for me because I am so Southern that I feel that my loyalties are being tested. Crazy, I know, but I digress.) The movie opened with Union officers discussing strategy that would enable them to block the Confederates from using the Mississippi River between about Memphis and New Orleans. The river was the South's lifeline and as long as they controlled access, the North could be defeated. The ironic part was that the North did capture Vicksburg, MS, essential to the South, on the Fourth of July. The area was no longer free and until recent years the city of Vicksburg did not celebrate the Fourth. I had forgotten. What price freedom! Thinking of that war brings me to a point of sadness I cannot express. Thank God we are One Nation Under God--whether it is acknowled by all or not.

Reading the Sunday paper a little while ago, I came across a column entitled, "July 4 Celebration Spiced with Gratitude." It piqued my interest because of yesterday's post. In it was a quote from an Erma Bombeck column on an earlier Fourth of July. She said: You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism. She had a way with words.

Let's hear it for patriotism however it manifests itself.

Blessings and Happy 4th,
Pastor Margaret

Remember that freedom is not free!

Tomorrow is the Fourth of July, a favorite holiday because it holds so many good memories of family. When I was little and lived with my aunt and uncle I couldn't wait for the family dinner on the Fourth of July. It was one of two family dinners held annually by my uncle's family. He was one of nine and though he was my uncle by marriage, I thought of them as my family too. Every family brought enough food for themselves and to share. What a spread! My favorite part of the day was the middle of the afternoon when the ice cream freezers appeared. They were the hand crank variety and as the saying goes, "the wheels of progress grind slowly." In other words, it seemed like the ice cream would never be ready! I can taste it now.

When our children were growing up, it was another holiday spent with grandparents: Mom and Dad and Honey, my mother. We decided from year to year what we would cook on the grill. After the sun went down we might take our lawn chairs to the driveway and watch the fireworks display at the country club a mile or so away. Holidays with family are the best!

We have no definite plans this year--just know we'll cook with Tommy, Liz and family. He thinks I should rest and let him do it all, but I convinced him I should do dessert. It won't be hand cranked, but the 21st century version of homemade ice cream made in a countertop machine.

This morning I was up early to go to the Farmers' Market before the night time help left. I came home with lady peas (already shelled, of course), butterbeans, tomatoes, cucumbers, corn, peaches and a coffee cake. My friends on the West Coast may not know about lady peas; I know they aren't familiar with good ole' Southern butterbeans. I surely missed pink-eye purple hull peas, butterbeans, lady peas and other Southern fare when we lived in California. Of course now we miss all the fresh citrus, strawberries and other produce that was so plentiful where we were.

Family, food, freedom: part of who we are as Americans. We remember especially at holidays the good times, the good food and the family with whom we've shared. Much of that family lives only in our memory. We enjoy because we are free. In the midst of all our celebrations, let's pause to give thanks for the greatest freedom we have--freedom in Jesus; for the second greatest freedom--to be citizens of the USA; and all the other freedoms that come to us beacause of the first two. God bless you as you celebrate and as you ponder the freedoms you enjoy.

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

Week in Review

Last Monday we traveled the seventy five or so miles to the East Memphis office of West Clinic so I could have the requisite scans. It's not a bad trip, not a bad procedure. It's having no coffee until afterwards! I usually begin the process, not focused on labs, all that liquid I have to drink or how still I have to lie on the scanner table, but focusing on the coffee that awaits the completion of all the little details. Last week my focus was both on coffee and trying to be warm in an over cooled waiting room. Afterwards we wasted no time in stopping by the coffee cart and getting outside to the 95 degree weather to wait for Kia to get the car. While sitting on the bench I could not help but notice the colorful lantana planted in front and the butterflies having a wonderful time flitting from plant to plant. How appropriate the message!

Butterflies signify new life; they illustrate beauty that can appear from unattractiveness; they make me think of possibilities of newness. I have new life in Christ; in Him I am a new creature. He took the ugliness in my life and replaced it with the beauty of His life. Cancer is ugly; it can be life ending; it can destroy who we are if we let it. The West Clinic has wings as its logo and Wings is the name of their newsletter. As I sat there, just briefly, I reflected on the the imagery of wings, of butterflies, of freedom. Through the ugliness of treatment, cancer patients are often given new life, given the freedom to grow and to share with others. Maybe you had to have been there, but it was a special moment for me and I am grateful for it.

Tuesday morning I saw our primary care doctor who seemed to be far more concerned about my lowered blood counts than the TIA episodes. I entered his office huffing and puffing, out of breath from the short walk from waiting to examining rooms. He advised me to be sure the oncologist was aware of my counts and I assured him that I have labs every time I go and the counts dictate whether or not I am treated. He did straighten out the problem we were having with the insurance not wanting to allow a particular prescription.

During the week I had a couple more episodes of what I call "dead leg." My left leg gets numb and tingly and I have trouble moving it. Sometimes it is a passing symptom; other times it stays with me an hour or more. I had it all day yesterday, but determined that I was reacting to the treatment on Friday and/or the anti-nausea pills I had. Today, I'm tired, but no "dead leg."

I saw the oncologist Friday and thought the visit not as conclusive or informative as I would have liked. I like details. I want to know what to expect. I got no details and still don't know much. He did give us some information that I rather expected from what little I know about the Avastin I've been taking. (It is the non-chemo drug that has shown great promise in the treatment of several kinds of cancer.) Unfortunately, in some rare cases it can have some neurological side effects, so it's being withheld for the time being. My mind naturally goes into the "what if" mode. "What if" the Avastin really is working and what will happen if I can't take it? "What if" I continue with it and it causes a full blown stroke? One could go crazy with the "what ifs" in life!

Often the night before we see the doctor in Corinth, Tom and I both have restless nights. This past Thursday I tossed a bit before drifting off, thinking of some of those "what ifs" and how I would respond. Then this calmness came over me as I pictured 24/7 on the ceiling. I let God have those questions and I went to sleep picturing myself being carried in the arms of Jesus. He never looked so strong and I never relaxed so much!

So the journey continues . . .

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret

It's No Secret . . .

. . . that yesterday was the first day of summer. We were in Memphis for an appointment for scans at the cancer clinic. It was freezing inside the clinic, but oppressively hot outside. Of course I grew up mostly in the Memphis area and I remember well the hot, humid, high temperatures. The heat advisory continues and we continue to stay in unless it's necessary to go outside.

. . . that Southerners lie in wait for the first tomatoes of the season. Whether we grow them ourselves or rely on the Farmers' Market, we take turns checking to see if/when the "tomato lady" will have some to sell. Last Saturday Liz visited said "tomato lady" before I even opened my eyes and wasn't disappointed. This morning a friend called, said she had been to the market and wanted to bring a vegetable supper to us. It was so good! We had green beans cooked w/ new potatoes, squash and onions, corn on the cob and cornbread. What a way to end the day!
Earlier in the day a friend brought lunch along with cucumbers she had just picked in her garden. We had a little touch of heaven on earth. I wonder if vegetables can get any better.

. . . that we have health issues. I wonder sometimes how many hours of my life have been spent waiting for a doctor or for a procedure to be done. I had an appointment this morning with the primary care doctor and we thought it was a most satisfactory visit. He straigthened out a glitch we encountered trying to get a medicine the insurance wouldn't cover. His main concern seemed to be my low blood counts and believes when they rise, I'll feel better. Well, yes!!! Of course, as long as I have cancer, I'll have treatment; as long as there is treatment, there will be low blood counts. Just as cancer and treatment have become a way of life, so now will fatigue.

. . . God is faithful beyond what we could ask or think. In spite of the knowns and the unknowns, I am more at peace than I have been in a while. Once I remarked to my friend Susan, who also has ovarian cancer, that my trust in God is firm, but it seems I forget sometimes that He is in charge and is caring for me. She reminded me that I don't have to remember because God is on duty 24/7 and never forgets. Just what I needed to hear. As I face tomorrow I can be assured that I do not face it alone. As God said to Joshua: I will never leave you nor forsake you. Now, put a smile on your face, straighten up, be strong and courageous; be strong and very courageous (a few of my words added). You may have some concern in your life that would be helped by remembering "24/7."

Blessings,
Pastor Margaret