Sunday, August 31, 2008

Throwing down the gauntlet . . .

That's it. I love a challenge. Never tell me there is something I cannot do. If I put my mind to it, I'll try to prove you wrong.

No, I haven't lost my mind and yes, I wrote my last post less than twelve hours ago. I have just read my daughter's page and unconsciously, she has put a challenge before me. They have been house hunting, looking for a place to live closer to her husband's job. One of their criteria has been a house with a bed and bath on the first floor so we won't have to climb stairs when we visit. Should she be optimistic and anticipate continued visits from us? Or should she be realistic and accept the fact that it's highly possible that our visits may not happen? She expressed the more realistic notion that another visit from us is highly unlikely.

Her words hit me. Since my last visit with the doctor and the commencement of treatment I have had this calm sense of urgency to get things done--put everything in order--say goodbye to my friends--quit procrastinating. I try to take every advantage of being with the grandchildren. I've never wanted my cancer to change the way our family celebrates holidays or the way we live day to day, for that matter so that means planning ahead a bit more carefully.

Honestly, I do wonder just how much more the body will take. I have finally come to grips with the "incurable" word spoken by my doctor almost two and a half years ago. However, that, by no means, indicates a lack of trust in God. I still believe in His faithfulness, probably now more than ever. Maybe it's an acceptance of the fact that I am not crucial to the continuation of the lives of those I love. God will provide for my precious Tom. My children will continue to be the outstanding adults that they are. My grandchildren will graduate, go to college, marry, raise their own families. Life does indeed go on!

It will go on after I'm gone and it will go on while I continue taking chemo. I will not settle into an attitude of what has been looking like complacency. I will believe that this drug might just be the one that sends the cancer packing. I will trust God for the miracle of healing--here or in the hereafter.

I will visit my daughter again!

Pastor Margaret


canape said...

Well alright! Get on over here then :)

Bubblewench said...

I'm very glad to hear that. What a wonderful life affirming post. Thank you.