When I think back on last week, a good bit of it seems like a blur. I pretty much operated on automatic pilot--Tom needed a lot of help and attention and I felt pretty rotten and tired. We have had several nights when he has actually been able to walk by himself without falling and one or two when I haven't even heard him. Sunday we were perky enough to go to Tommy and Liz's for lunch, but then crashed when we came home. Yesterday we braved the world and headed for Target to do a little early Christmas shopping. That went pretty well until close to the end of the trip.
We finished our shopping, checked out and went to relax and enjoy coffee at the Starbuck's counter. Tom remembered he had forgotten bird seed and dog treats for our neighbor's dog and wanted to go back and get them. He got another shopping cart and I pointed him in the right direction, but it seemed like he was gone too long and I was getting antsy. Just when I decided I'd have to take my cart and all my purchases and go looking I saw him in a check out line. Whew! Telling him he can't do something, taking away even more of his independence is hard. It's even harder to choose between putting him at risk or robbing him even more of his dignity.
In my head I know this: life requires praying without ceasing and there is a step in Ben Johnson's booklet, Adventure in Prayer, that is really helpful. He says that a part of our morning prayer should include asking God to guide you in whatever will come your way during the day. Ask God to give you wisdom, words, courage for both what is planned and that which is unplanned. When this is our habit, we are prepared for anything.
The reality is I don't always do what my head knows. Life gets in the way and my prayer life is as unbalanced and wobbly as Tom's legs. My focus turns inward instead of upward. Like Paul, I do what I shouldn't and don't do what I should. I pray for help in making "big" decisions, but fail to rely of God for the ordinary, everyday occurences.
Today is not as good as yesterday. Tom is wobbly; he is a bit incoherent and has gone back to bed. Please join me in praying for answers to the problems he is having and that the legs of my prayer life will not continue to be unbalanced and wobbly.