Woman vs. Machine . . .
. . . Machine is winning. Twice in the last few weeks I have written a blog post, only to have it refuse to publish and then disappear. It happened yesterday. Women have been called unpredictable, fickle, prone to change their minds and designated with other unflattering adjectives. Today, I hereby take the stand that women have nothing on computers. This blasted laptop is definitely unpredictable, certainly fickle and not only changes its mind, but also seems to take great delight in changing what I want it to do into what it would rather do. I am getting more and more frustrated!!!
Today is a treatment day so there is no time to reconstruct what I wrote yesterday. Let me just say that it has been a good week. I have pushed myself to be up and semi-active. Monday I made a pot of soup to put into individual servings for the freezer, a project that took two days to complete. On Wednesday I put together a casserole recipe I had seen on the Food Network, doubling the recipe so we'd have one for dinner and one for the freezer. What the recipe said would take 30 or so minutes took much longer because I had to stop and rest a lot. But, I did it and we all decided it was a "keeper." It feels so good to be back in the kitchen even if it is on a limited basis.
Early in the week I checked tumor marker results on my clinic website and found the numberr to be the lowest it's been at least since January. Different oncologists that have treated me for this particular cancer have different opinions about the significance of the number. All agree that the "normal" range is from 1 to 35. One wanted it under 20; another under 35 and another doesn't put such great emphasis on the number, but weighs it along with other facts. Regardless, it's going down, it's within the "normal" range and added to the improved scan report, it's a good number for sure!
Quiet time readings and reflections direct me to study and meditate on some familiar words: trust, peace, grace, freedom, wilderness. How I wish I could organize my thoughts so that they might make sense! I know I could not have lived this long without complete trust in God. Such trust results in a peace that passes all understanding. But then I think on Paul's greeting in many of his letteers and a common greeting in worship: The grace and peace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Can there really be peace without grace? Do they not come hand in hand? Grace comes first; only then can there be peace.
I am currently studying Eugene Peterson's book on Galatians, Traveling Light. It's all about freedom, the freedom we have in Jesus. Today he wrote that the wilderness is a place to be free. Ever since my assignment to focus on "Through the Wilderness" for the women's retreat in 2006, I have been drawn to the idea of wilderness. Too often we think of it in negative terms, but, if God has taught me anything in the past seven years, it is that wilderness can often be a place of beauty, a place of rest, discipline and instruction. What I might once have thought of as something to be endured, has become respite and a place of affirmation and encouragement. I'd so like to know your thoughts.
Treatment appointment calls. One more down, seven to go . . .