Random Thoughts
The week began with an impromptu visit to the doctor. Tom was having too many dizzy spells in the mornings and his blood pressure was running too low, too consistently. A slight change was made in his medications and I have thought the problem was a bit better. He had every intention to go to church with me today, but didn't feel like it this morning. The sitter told me this afternoon that he was dizzy several times while I was gone. This afternoon he's been fine.
I had a treatment Friday--no big deal, but I did learn that I was beginning the sixth round in this set of treatments. That's good to know--I was a little confused beause several things have made the schedule inonsistent. At the end of these I'll go for scans etc. and see just how effective the treatments have been.
When I got home from church Kia, daytime sitter, and Tom said Liz had called to see if we wanted some barbeque and baked beans for lunch. I never turn down Tommy's barbeque! He has perfected his technique and it is delicious. I had a cabbage so I made slaw to send home with Liz when she brought the meat and beans. So good. After a quick nap I called Sarah and told her and Drew to come on down to play. It was a beautiful afternoon to play outside. They came, played in the back for a while, then came in to play board games and have a snack. We both loved watching them sit on the floor, eat popcorn and giggle. They got a kick out playing a game that is "older than dirt." Funny how simple things can be so enjoyable--a simple game for them to play and a simple scene of grandparents watching grandchildren.
Bad weather and another week when I was under the weather caused a delay in our Lenten sermons. I spent many hours last week reading, researching and meditating over the Scripture of today. I am more convinced than ever that more attention needs to be paid to Old Testament scriptures if we are to comprehend the New. It hasn't been too long since the Church observed Advent, a time when I feel overwhelmed with the knowledge that such a simple, precious baby could be the almighty Son of God. He was born a humble birth to a humble family and at the same time was God Incarnate. Now, we have begun our observation of Lent and focus attention on the suffering servant, the mighty one who gave his all for me. The very thought often leads me to tears. What? He did that for me? God so loved the world; God so loved me. The love and compassion Jesus has for the world is just as personal. Jesus loves me; Jesus cares for me.
Amazing Grace!
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Time Flew
Where has the week gone? It wasn't full of errands or chores, but there have been preparations to make. We didn't do much more for Valentine's Day than wish each other a happy one--didn't even see the grandchildren. Monday, it snowed all day, but we managed to make it to a doctor's appointment, make a quick stop at the grocery store and get ice cream at DQ. Slippery roads cancelled Session that night. By Wenesday the ice and snow was melted enough for us to have church supper. I know people from colder regions think that we are real wimps when it comes to ice and snow, but we're really not equipped to manage. Thursday night I led a training for small group leaders at 1st Church, Jackson. Then, of course, tomorrow's sermon had to be prepared.
This winter I've been preaching the gospel passages in cycle C of the Lectionary, but got out of sync when we missed worship once because of bad weather and another when I had the flu or whatever it was. I should be at the beginning of the passages focusing on Lent, but instead I'm at Luke 5:1-11, Luke's account of the calling of the first disciples and the big catch of fish. All four gospel writers tell of the calling of the disciples, but each in a slightly different way. Only Luke ties that with the big catch of fish that weighed down the nets and the two boats where they dumped them. I have been fascinated with the passage and the extraordinary message it presents. Simon Peter never fails to allow us to identify with him and I'm prompted to examine myself and ask forgiveness for my pride, impetuousity, and failures. Simon responds to Jesus' instruction with a complaint before he obeys. He tells Jesus when he is told to put the nets out in the deep water that they've already tried that, but he'll do it anyway. The nets fill to overflowing. Did Simon Peter suddenly learn a new casting technique? Was his skill so improved? Neither. He was successful in his endeavor because of his obedience to Jesus. It goes with the saying: Jesus doesn't call the equipped. He equips the called. There's so much more; so much food for thought in the coming days.
Tom's progress continues, but so does his lowered blood pressure. Some mornings he seems to be too weak to put one foot in front of the other, but as the day goes one, he gains strength. He is responding well to his therapy, still eating well and "chomping at the bit" to resume his previous activities. He gets a little perturbed with me when I put my foot down!
We celebrated our 43rd anniversary this past week--truly the highlight of our week. Next week we wish Marty a Happy Birthday--thirty something or other--and also remember Colin as he turns one month. We do love February!
Jesus calls us to lay aside all that we have to follow him. He calls us to a life of obedience. In return our nets will be full to overflowing with his blessings in our lives.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Where has the week gone? It wasn't full of errands or chores, but there have been preparations to make. We didn't do much more for Valentine's Day than wish each other a happy one--didn't even see the grandchildren. Monday, it snowed all day, but we managed to make it to a doctor's appointment, make a quick stop at the grocery store and get ice cream at DQ. Slippery roads cancelled Session that night. By Wenesday the ice and snow was melted enough for us to have church supper. I know people from colder regions think that we are real wimps when it comes to ice and snow, but we're really not equipped to manage. Thursday night I led a training for small group leaders at 1st Church, Jackson. Then, of course, tomorrow's sermon had to be prepared.
This winter I've been preaching the gospel passages in cycle C of the Lectionary, but got out of sync when we missed worship once because of bad weather and another when I had the flu or whatever it was. I should be at the beginning of the passages focusing on Lent, but instead I'm at Luke 5:1-11, Luke's account of the calling of the first disciples and the big catch of fish. All four gospel writers tell of the calling of the disciples, but each in a slightly different way. Only Luke ties that with the big catch of fish that weighed down the nets and the two boats where they dumped them. I have been fascinated with the passage and the extraordinary message it presents. Simon Peter never fails to allow us to identify with him and I'm prompted to examine myself and ask forgiveness for my pride, impetuousity, and failures. Simon responds to Jesus' instruction with a complaint before he obeys. He tells Jesus when he is told to put the nets out in the deep water that they've already tried that, but he'll do it anyway. The nets fill to overflowing. Did Simon Peter suddenly learn a new casting technique? Was his skill so improved? Neither. He was successful in his endeavor because of his obedience to Jesus. It goes with the saying: Jesus doesn't call the equipped. He equips the called. There's so much more; so much food for thought in the coming days.
Tom's progress continues, but so does his lowered blood pressure. Some mornings he seems to be too weak to put one foot in front of the other, but as the day goes one, he gains strength. He is responding well to his therapy, still eating well and "chomping at the bit" to resume his previous activities. He gets a little perturbed with me when I put my foot down!
We celebrated our 43rd anniversary this past week--truly the highlight of our week. Next week we wish Marty a Happy Birthday--thirty something or other--and also remember Colin as he turns one month. We do love February!
Jesus calls us to lay aside all that we have to follow him. He calls us to a life of obedience. In return our nets will be full to overflowing with his blessings in our lives.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Friday, February 12, 2010
A Week of S-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g
We have more or less been celebrating Tom's homecoming for the entire week. You'll quickly learn why it was a "more or less" in a few minutes. In most aspects, Tom's improvements have been steady and just what I had hoped for. Tommy and Liz have brought supper every night and he has eaten heartedly of old favorites and tonight was treated with a Cuban beef w/ jasmine rice and black beans "first timer" from "Food and Wine" magazine. (It's great to be a guinea pig sometimes.) He seems to have a bit more strength, noticeable when he rises from his chair and a little more balance as well. Having sitters with him around the clock affords the opportunity for him to walk when he feels like practicing--that will help build both strength and balance. The down side of coming home shows itselft in his independence and stubbornness and in his gentlemanly qualities instilled in him by his mom. He thinks that just because he is home, he can do all the chores that he formerly did--like gather the trash and put out the garbage--not smart to go down steep steps into the garage and into the cold. I practically had to tie him down to keep him home today when I went to Corinth. And, when ladies enter or leave the room, he immediately begins to rise--exactly as Mom taught him. Sometimes what he does is scary; other times they are comical.
Saturday morning the admitting nurse from the home health agency visited, took vitals, history, etc. Right after she left, I excused myself, but before I could even stand, I lost my breakfast and could keep nothing, not even water, on my stomach until 4 the next morning. By then my sinuses were pounding and I felt really bad. Long story short: the advice nurse said for me to go to Corinth Monday for IV fluids, but couldn't because their roads were iced over; got prescription for the nausea; prescription for sinus infection; and slowly began a diet of saltines and Gatorade. Things are much improved! I had originally planned the sitters on a schedule that had me taking care of Tom bymyself a few hours everyday. Obviously, Saturday and Sunday I couldn't even take care of myself much less help him. The WONDERFUL new sitter would not leave our sides unless Liz or Tommy could he here to relieve her. Later in the week, we added her mother to our schedule for a few hours a day and now we have help 24/7. My little episode made me admit that it's okay to not be able to do everything and it gave me some much needed rest! God does indeed work in mysterious ways.
I had a treatment today--rather routine. The blood counts had decreased--I rather expected that they would have and the CA125 had gone up 4 points. We never life for it to increase, but it's normal for it to bounce up and down. One day I might put together essays based on infusion experiences since I had my first chemo in 1982. There was one today that was both amusing and maddening.
We are still wondering what the weather will be next. This Sunday will be the third try at preaching the sermon planned for January 31 and the second try at ordaining and/or installing elders and the second try at celebrating communion this month. Guess what's predicted for tomorrow night and Sunday--more icy/snowy conditions.
We are oh, soooooo happy to be home together. Blessings shower down on us like the precipitation we've been experiencing. God never forgets us and is ever faithful to all our needs.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
We have more or less been celebrating Tom's homecoming for the entire week. You'll quickly learn why it was a "more or less" in a few minutes. In most aspects, Tom's improvements have been steady and just what I had hoped for. Tommy and Liz have brought supper every night and he has eaten heartedly of old favorites and tonight was treated with a Cuban beef w/ jasmine rice and black beans "first timer" from "Food and Wine" magazine. (It's great to be a guinea pig sometimes.) He seems to have a bit more strength, noticeable when he rises from his chair and a little more balance as well. Having sitters with him around the clock affords the opportunity for him to walk when he feels like practicing--that will help build both strength and balance. The down side of coming home shows itselft in his independence and stubbornness and in his gentlemanly qualities instilled in him by his mom. He thinks that just because he is home, he can do all the chores that he formerly did--like gather the trash and put out the garbage--not smart to go down steep steps into the garage and into the cold. I practically had to tie him down to keep him home today when I went to Corinth. And, when ladies enter or leave the room, he immediately begins to rise--exactly as Mom taught him. Sometimes what he does is scary; other times they are comical.
Saturday morning the admitting nurse from the home health agency visited, took vitals, history, etc. Right after she left, I excused myself, but before I could even stand, I lost my breakfast and could keep nothing, not even water, on my stomach until 4 the next morning. By then my sinuses were pounding and I felt really bad. Long story short: the advice nurse said for me to go to Corinth Monday for IV fluids, but couldn't because their roads were iced over; got prescription for the nausea; prescription for sinus infection; and slowly began a diet of saltines and Gatorade. Things are much improved! I had originally planned the sitters on a schedule that had me taking care of Tom bymyself a few hours everyday. Obviously, Saturday and Sunday I couldn't even take care of myself much less help him. The WONDERFUL new sitter would not leave our sides unless Liz or Tommy could he here to relieve her. Later in the week, we added her mother to our schedule for a few hours a day and now we have help 24/7. My little episode made me admit that it's okay to not be able to do everything and it gave me some much needed rest! God does indeed work in mysterious ways.
I had a treatment today--rather routine. The blood counts had decreased--I rather expected that they would have and the CA125 had gone up 4 points. We never life for it to increase, but it's normal for it to bounce up and down. One day I might put together essays based on infusion experiences since I had my first chemo in 1982. There was one today that was both amusing and maddening.
We are still wondering what the weather will be next. This Sunday will be the third try at preaching the sermon planned for January 31 and the second try at ordaining and/or installing elders and the second try at celebrating communion this month. Guess what's predicted for tomorrow night and Sunday--more icy/snowy conditions.
We are oh, soooooo happy to be home together. Blessings shower down on us like the precipitation we've been experiencing. God never forgets us and is ever faithful to all our needs.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Friday, February 05, 2010
Wake the Town and Tell the People!
This morning the long awaited time came: Tommy and I went to the nursing home, picked up Tom and brought him home. Our additional new helper, Kia, was here waiting for us and they hit it off right away. Checking out of the home was painless, very quick and filled with smiles and hugs. I found Tom waiting at the nurses' station and rolled him down to his room so I could collect his belongings. I was met by the director of environmental services who said that they were getting ready to pack Tom's things and he just needed to ask a couple of questions. He said that packing, putting in the car were both part of their services. How nice! They even sent us home with a wheel chair just in case the one ordered for Tom didn't arrive today.
The only glitch in the trip home was unavoidable. As soon as my wheels started rolling Tom was telling me he wanted to stop at the Dairy Queen on the way. I noticed an unusual amount of traffic and about then my phone rang. It was Tommy, driving behind me and calling to say he had heard on the radio that there was a big wreck up ahead of us. By then I was committed and headed to DQ. As we crept ahead, I made a plan to get in and out quickly and another for an alternate route home. Problem number one: a non-functioning traffic light, but we made it. Problem number two: whatever caused the traffic light problem caused the electricity at DQ not to function either. It was sort of laughable. We took the alternate route home and Tommy made his dad a vanilla malt and all was well!
Most of Tom's day was spent curled up in his chair napping. He was a sight for sore eyes sitting across the room from me. I didn't realize just how much I had missed being at home with him. When Tommy picked up Jake from school, they dropped by to bring Tom's favorite donuts; when Liz , Sarah and Drew got out of school, they stopped and said hello; later they brought supper and the two youngest, Meredith and Elisa. Tom had seen all of the children during his time away except Elisa and it was a joy to behold when they spotted one another.
There were frustrating moments as well when he would insist he could walk to another room when he could not. It was as if he was saying: I'm home, I'll stand up when I want and don't tell me what to do. He's home, but he's not "home free," and there are still dangers of falling. I lost my patience with him more than once. I'm sure I frustrated him.
The main thing, however, is that we are home! And, oh, so grateful!
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
This morning the long awaited time came: Tommy and I went to the nursing home, picked up Tom and brought him home. Our additional new helper, Kia, was here waiting for us and they hit it off right away. Checking out of the home was painless, very quick and filled with smiles and hugs. I found Tom waiting at the nurses' station and rolled him down to his room so I could collect his belongings. I was met by the director of environmental services who said that they were getting ready to pack Tom's things and he just needed to ask a couple of questions. He said that packing, putting in the car were both part of their services. How nice! They even sent us home with a wheel chair just in case the one ordered for Tom didn't arrive today.
The only glitch in the trip home was unavoidable. As soon as my wheels started rolling Tom was telling me he wanted to stop at the Dairy Queen on the way. I noticed an unusual amount of traffic and about then my phone rang. It was Tommy, driving behind me and calling to say he had heard on the radio that there was a big wreck up ahead of us. By then I was committed and headed to DQ. As we crept ahead, I made a plan to get in and out quickly and another for an alternate route home. Problem number one: a non-functioning traffic light, but we made it. Problem number two: whatever caused the traffic light problem caused the electricity at DQ not to function either. It was sort of laughable. We took the alternate route home and Tommy made his dad a vanilla malt and all was well!
Most of Tom's day was spent curled up in his chair napping. He was a sight for sore eyes sitting across the room from me. I didn't realize just how much I had missed being at home with him. When Tommy picked up Jake from school, they dropped by to bring Tom's favorite donuts; when Liz , Sarah and Drew got out of school, they stopped and said hello; later they brought supper and the two youngest, Meredith and Elisa. Tom had seen all of the children during his time away except Elisa and it was a joy to behold when they spotted one another.
There were frustrating moments as well when he would insist he could walk to another room when he could not. It was as if he was saying: I'm home, I'll stand up when I want and don't tell me what to do. He's home, but he's not "home free," and there are still dangers of falling. I lost my patience with him more than once. I'm sure I frustrated him.
The main thing, however, is that we are home! And, oh, so grateful!
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Try, try, try again - - -
Last night I began to type and something in my computer bumped me off and everything was lost. I'm trying again even though I've already been bumped once with this try. Computers are great when everything is working properly and really frustrating when something is amiss in the system.
We are on the other side of the bad weather, trying to decide if warnings of more snow should be taken seriously. Our city/county schools have been out since last Friday and are finally going back tomorrow. City streets, for the most part are good, but the smaller back roads have been slow melting and the buses haven't been able to run. Two melting snowmen remain in our back yard, three other small ones having melted earlier in the week. The grandchildren had a great time in the snow and having no school.
The best news we have is that Tom is coming home Friday. There are pros and cons: he isn't as strong as he needs to be, but we think he may eat better at home. Tommy and I plan to pull out all the stops and feed him whatever he wants beginning with homemade biscuits and cane syrup this weekend. His balance isn't good and he needs practice walking, but he won't get that until he's home. He is not allowed to walk at the nursing home without the assistance of a therapist and has to ask for a CNA to help him any time he stands or transfers from the chair to the bed. I've always heard that "practice makes perfect" and know his walking won't improve until he does it more and more. Even the staff saw and commented on the difference in him when his medication was changed back to the original dosage. We are all excited about his coming home and pray that he will be safe and be in a continued state of improvement!
The time between December 22 when he entered the hospital with pneumonia and today when we are finalizing plans to bring him home has been fuzzy. I think some days I operated on auto-pilot, wondering, yet knowing where I'd get the energy to get through the day. There were days I feared we were facing the end of his life and then that day when I had to let go and release him to God. What a freeing experience! I didn't quit advocating for him or his particular needs, but I quit fretting and worrying about all the human elements involved. I've learned a lot. My trust in God has grown. I am not dwelling on tomorrow or how I'll handle it; I am living today with the assurance that I am not the one in control. I have learned to let Tom live with what he has just as I learned a long time ago to live with what I have--and not die from it. Together we will live, glorify God and enjoy Him forever. That's what life is about.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Last night I began to type and something in my computer bumped me off and everything was lost. I'm trying again even though I've already been bumped once with this try. Computers are great when everything is working properly and really frustrating when something is amiss in the system.
We are on the other side of the bad weather, trying to decide if warnings of more snow should be taken seriously. Our city/county schools have been out since last Friday and are finally going back tomorrow. City streets, for the most part are good, but the smaller back roads have been slow melting and the buses haven't been able to run. Two melting snowmen remain in our back yard, three other small ones having melted earlier in the week. The grandchildren had a great time in the snow and having no school.
The best news we have is that Tom is coming home Friday. There are pros and cons: he isn't as strong as he needs to be, but we think he may eat better at home. Tommy and I plan to pull out all the stops and feed him whatever he wants beginning with homemade biscuits and cane syrup this weekend. His balance isn't good and he needs practice walking, but he won't get that until he's home. He is not allowed to walk at the nursing home without the assistance of a therapist and has to ask for a CNA to help him any time he stands or transfers from the chair to the bed. I've always heard that "practice makes perfect" and know his walking won't improve until he does it more and more. Even the staff saw and commented on the difference in him when his medication was changed back to the original dosage. We are all excited about his coming home and pray that he will be safe and be in a continued state of improvement!
The time between December 22 when he entered the hospital with pneumonia and today when we are finalizing plans to bring him home has been fuzzy. I think some days I operated on auto-pilot, wondering, yet knowing where I'd get the energy to get through the day. There were days I feared we were facing the end of his life and then that day when I had to let go and release him to God. What a freeing experience! I didn't quit advocating for him or his particular needs, but I quit fretting and worrying about all the human elements involved. I've learned a lot. My trust in God has grown. I am not dwelling on tomorrow or how I'll handle it; I am living today with the assurance that I am not the one in control. I have learned to let Tom live with what he has just as I learned a long time ago to live with what I have--and not die from it. Together we will live, glorify God and enjoy Him forever. That's what life is about.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Friday, January 29, 2010
They Got It Right!
All week we have been warned about severe weather that would be here by Friday (today). The forecasters said it enought that I called the cancer clinic Tuesday and moved my infusion from today to yesterday. That proved to be a good move. While I was there the nurses were busily trying to get other Friday patients in on Thursday and to reschedule appointments with the doctor from Memphis who should have been there today. Sure enough, it has been snowing steadily since early morning and the streets have been icy. Now, the forecast is that the ice/snow won't begin to thaw until Monday. Needless to say, I couldn't get to the nursing home and church in Humboldt may not happen on Sunday. Ice is the scary thing as it breaks trees and power lines. Last year just northwest of here there were disastrous ice storms, causing much damage. I remember one Christmas in Jackson, MS when the water plant froze and dinner for us was hot dogs, cooked in the living room fireplace and eaten on paper plates. I don't remember whether we ate the real deal later or not.
Tom's mental health improved after I finally got his medicine changed back to the usual dose. I believe the home asked for an increase in dosage because he sometimes is restless and won't stay still or where he is suppose to be. Is not heavy sedation the same as restraint? It is in my book! Eating and drinking are still problematic. He doesn't like the food and getting to his water isn't always easy. One of the therapists has gotten him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and an ice cream cup a couple of days and he has eaten that when served. I am trying finish up the arrangements of bringing him home, hopefully by this time next week. I need to hire at least one more sitter and rearrange some things in the house. I hope his medical condition will allow a safe transition back home with me.
Baby Colin and his mom are doing fine--great, in fact! Big brother Christopher is learning to share his mom, but probably was happier with Colin tucked away inside, instead of visible for all the world to see.
I was so saddened this week to learn of Audrey Huseman's passing. She and her husband, Ken, had the most loving relationship and he has been her faithful caregiver through thick and thin. Even before this most recent illness and before I met her in 1999, she had survived cancer and another serious illness. I believe she lived to care for Ken when he needed her and to share her love of Jesus with anyone she could. We had some good times together at Women's Retreats, going out to eat and the times Tom and I spent with them before we moved to California, just to name a few. She needed no theological degree, no special training, just her sweet presence to share her love for Jesus. There is no doubt that she is smiling now as she has met him face to face. I will miss her.
God loves you and so do I!
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
All week we have been warned about severe weather that would be here by Friday (today). The forecasters said it enought that I called the cancer clinic Tuesday and moved my infusion from today to yesterday. That proved to be a good move. While I was there the nurses were busily trying to get other Friday patients in on Thursday and to reschedule appointments with the doctor from Memphis who should have been there today. Sure enough, it has been snowing steadily since early morning and the streets have been icy. Now, the forecast is that the ice/snow won't begin to thaw until Monday. Needless to say, I couldn't get to the nursing home and church in Humboldt may not happen on Sunday. Ice is the scary thing as it breaks trees and power lines. Last year just northwest of here there were disastrous ice storms, causing much damage. I remember one Christmas in Jackson, MS when the water plant froze and dinner for us was hot dogs, cooked in the living room fireplace and eaten on paper plates. I don't remember whether we ate the real deal later or not.
Tom's mental health improved after I finally got his medicine changed back to the usual dose. I believe the home asked for an increase in dosage because he sometimes is restless and won't stay still or where he is suppose to be. Is not heavy sedation the same as restraint? It is in my book! Eating and drinking are still problematic. He doesn't like the food and getting to his water isn't always easy. One of the therapists has gotten him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and an ice cream cup a couple of days and he has eaten that when served. I am trying finish up the arrangements of bringing him home, hopefully by this time next week. I need to hire at least one more sitter and rearrange some things in the house. I hope his medical condition will allow a safe transition back home with me.
Baby Colin and his mom are doing fine--great, in fact! Big brother Christopher is learning to share his mom, but probably was happier with Colin tucked away inside, instead of visible for all the world to see.
I was so saddened this week to learn of Audrey Huseman's passing. She and her husband, Ken, had the most loving relationship and he has been her faithful caregiver through thick and thin. Even before this most recent illness and before I met her in 1999, she had survived cancer and another serious illness. I believe she lived to care for Ken when he needed her and to share her love of Jesus with anyone she could. We had some good times together at Women's Retreats, going out to eat and the times Tom and I spent with them before we moved to California, just to name a few. She needed no theological degree, no special training, just her sweet presence to share her love for Jesus. There is no doubt that she is smiling now as she has met him face to face. I will miss her.
God loves you and so do I!
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Monday, January 25, 2010
What a Difference a Day Makes!
Change number one is the most exciting and memorable! Grandchild #8, son of Marty and Kevin Long was born yesterday morning at 5:23. He weighed 8 lbs. 14 oz. and was 21 1/2 inches long. Mother and baby are doing fine and were at home about 12 hours after they left for the birthing center. Oh yes, his name is Colin Henry Long--the Henry being the middle name of his great granddad, his grand dad and his uncle.
The other change includes the frustration and my taking charge. If you know me, you know I am not an aggressive person, but I do have opinions and have learned to take charge when people I love are involved. There are some other times I take charge, but are not pertinent to these comments.
Let me share our days back at the nursing home. Since Tom returned there last Monday, his condition has gone down hill. Even though I do understand the whys and wherefores of their rules and appreciate the care he is receiving there, I am a bit frustrated. When he checked out of the hospital, Tom was walking practically unassisted, and doing well in that department. When he returned to the nursing home, he was back to monitors to keep him in bed or the wheelchair. There aren't enough helpers to help him walk, I cannot be there all the time, nor am I strong enough to balance him and that is frustrating. A medication change was made and he began to be lethargic, have low blood pressure consistency and sleep a lot. I checked on the medication and what I read confirmed my suspicions--too much medication. This morning I called the nursing home and requested they withhold the noon dose until I could consult with the doctor. They agreed to do that much. Neither two calls I made, nor one from the nurse to the doctor's office have had results. What a frustration!! I'll have to call the facility again in the morning and make the same request before I go to plan B.
The pluses of today's changes are two: 1. Cutting back the medication has made visible changes in Tom--wasn't as sleepy; was responsive; seemed stronger; and his talking made more sense. 2. Dellora brought someone for me to interview as an addition helper at home. She is quite acceptable and comes with lots of experience, her latest job being with a couple, both of whom have Alzheimer's and one of them had also had a stroke. She's ready to start when Tom is dis-charged.
It wasn't easy, but I finally was able to release Tom to God yesterday. How well I remember visiting in a Trauma ICU w/ the family of a man who had been hit by a car! There was no medical hope for the man and his wife at by his bed, begging him to hold on and to try to make it. She kept saying over and over,"I can't live without you." The fact of the matter is that had he lived, he would have been nonfuctioning. One of the nurses spoke up and told the wife that she had to release him, to give him permission to relax and let go. The wife finally did that and the man died as peacefully as he could. When my mother's time came, one of the nurses in the facility where she was said virtually the same to me: give your mother permission to let go and reassure her that you will be fine. She knew about my cancer and Tom's Parkinson's and believed we needed her to help take care of us, even though she was 97 and had been mostly bedridden for three or four years. I remember that she asked me if I was sure and then said, "Okay." She died three days later. I'm not ready to say goodbye to Tom, but I have truly put him in God's hands. I have quit telling God how to fix things. After all God knows best!
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Change number one is the most exciting and memorable! Grandchild #8, son of Marty and Kevin Long was born yesterday morning at 5:23. He weighed 8 lbs. 14 oz. and was 21 1/2 inches long. Mother and baby are doing fine and were at home about 12 hours after they left for the birthing center. Oh yes, his name is Colin Henry Long--the Henry being the middle name of his great granddad, his grand dad and his uncle.
The other change includes the frustration and my taking charge. If you know me, you know I am not an aggressive person, but I do have opinions and have learned to take charge when people I love are involved. There are some other times I take charge, but are not pertinent to these comments.
Let me share our days back at the nursing home. Since Tom returned there last Monday, his condition has gone down hill. Even though I do understand the whys and wherefores of their rules and appreciate the care he is receiving there, I am a bit frustrated. When he checked out of the hospital, Tom was walking practically unassisted, and doing well in that department. When he returned to the nursing home, he was back to monitors to keep him in bed or the wheelchair. There aren't enough helpers to help him walk, I cannot be there all the time, nor am I strong enough to balance him and that is frustrating. A medication change was made and he began to be lethargic, have low blood pressure consistency and sleep a lot. I checked on the medication and what I read confirmed my suspicions--too much medication. This morning I called the nursing home and requested they withhold the noon dose until I could consult with the doctor. They agreed to do that much. Neither two calls I made, nor one from the nurse to the doctor's office have had results. What a frustration!! I'll have to call the facility again in the morning and make the same request before I go to plan B.
The pluses of today's changes are two: 1. Cutting back the medication has made visible changes in Tom--wasn't as sleepy; was responsive; seemed stronger; and his talking made more sense. 2. Dellora brought someone for me to interview as an addition helper at home. She is quite acceptable and comes with lots of experience, her latest job being with a couple, both of whom have Alzheimer's and one of them had also had a stroke. She's ready to start when Tom is dis-charged.
It wasn't easy, but I finally was able to release Tom to God yesterday. How well I remember visiting in a Trauma ICU w/ the family of a man who had been hit by a car! There was no medical hope for the man and his wife at by his bed, begging him to hold on and to try to make it. She kept saying over and over,"I can't live without you." The fact of the matter is that had he lived, he would have been nonfuctioning. One of the nurses spoke up and told the wife that she had to release him, to give him permission to relax and let go. The wife finally did that and the man died as peacefully as he could. When my mother's time came, one of the nurses in the facility where she was said virtually the same to me: give your mother permission to let go and reassure her that you will be fine. She knew about my cancer and Tom's Parkinson's and believed we needed her to help take care of us, even though she was 97 and had been mostly bedridden for three or four years. I remember that she asked me if I was sure and then said, "Okay." She died three days later. I'm not ready to say goodbye to Tom, but I have truly put him in God's hands. I have quit telling God how to fix things. After all God knows best!
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Thursday, January 21, 2010
The first steps have been taken to set up help for Tom when he comes home. Dellora and I came up with a schedule the other day and we will interview a person tomorrow--if Tommy is available. We are all anxious to get Tom home, thinking that being in his own surroundings will help him, but he can't come until the help is in place. I had hoped everything would be ready by this weekend, but the doctor hasn't given us discharge orders and they probably couldn't be ready at least until Monday.
It is difficult to understand what he says and he has a hard time following simple instructions. His body is willing and he has the strength to do most of what it takes to get up from a sitting position, but he has trouble getting his legs to do what he hears in his brain. There is a real disconnect in that area. The frustration that I feel sometimes tends to make me impatient with him. He is the love of my life, yet you might doubt it if you witnessed my impatience.
I learned today when I went to a group occupational therapy session that there is some virus going around the nursing home. The therapists kept going around the room with sanitizer for hands and one told me that I needed to careful and not stay too long. That, too, is frustrating. I don't want to have to wonder about my own condition--general fatigue and tired legs are enough!
We trust God to hold us in his strong right hand and that he will go before us in this journey. Trusting and believing relieve the frustration and help as decisions are made.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
It is difficult to understand what he says and he has a hard time following simple instructions. His body is willing and he has the strength to do most of what it takes to get up from a sitting position, but he has trouble getting his legs to do what he hears in his brain. There is a real disconnect in that area. The frustration that I feel sometimes tends to make me impatient with him. He is the love of my life, yet you might doubt it if you witnessed my impatience.
I learned today when I went to a group occupational therapy session that there is some virus going around the nursing home. The therapists kept going around the room with sanitizer for hands and one told me that I needed to careful and not stay too long. That, too, is frustrating. I don't want to have to wonder about my own condition--general fatigue and tired legs are enough!
We trust God to hold us in his strong right hand and that he will go before us in this journey. Trusting and believing relieve the frustration and help as decisions are made.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Monday, January 18, 2010
If I can keep my eyes open and my focus in tact I'll update you. Tom was declared ready to leave the hospital and ineligible to move to the hospital's therapy floor. Whoever evaluated him did not think he was strong enough to endure the regimen. That meant a move back to the nursing home at least until I can get things set up here for him. I arrived at the hospital about 9 this morning and waited throughout the day for first one, and then another, to come tell us where to step next. Finally we got away about 5:30 this afternoon--fortunately earlier than his initial admission. We ate a hamburger together and I came home. I don't mind telling you that I'm a little beat. You know you are tired when you can go to sleep on a two seater sofa with your head resting on a towel on a narrow, hard armrest.
Tom's strength has improved. When I got there this morning he was walking around the halls with the therapist--no walker, just the strap the therapist uses to steady him if needed. Unfor-
tunately, his confusion has increased and there are times it's difficult to know how to repond to him. I get impatient when he locks his mind around something and I can't make him understand. Last night I thought I was going to have to spend the night because he was set on coming home. About 8:30 he awoke from a nap and said that I needed to quit doing what I was doing. I aksed what he meant and he said I needed to come home and rest. I left in a hurry so he wouldn't change his mind.
Please pray with me that arrangements can be made quickly so that he can once again change his residence.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Tom's strength has improved. When I got there this morning he was walking around the halls with the therapist--no walker, just the strap the therapist uses to steady him if needed. Unfor-
tunately, his confusion has increased and there are times it's difficult to know how to repond to him. I get impatient when he locks his mind around something and I can't make him understand. Last night I thought I was going to have to spend the night because he was set on coming home. About 8:30 he awoke from a nap and said that I needed to quit doing what I was doing. I aksed what he meant and he said I needed to come home and rest. I left in a hurry so he wouldn't change his mind.
Please pray with me that arrangements can be made quickly so that he can once again change his residence.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Friday, January 15, 2010
Tonight brings two reports and while there are still unknowns, I believe the reports are good. Tom's blood pressure has improved, his color is better, the fluids have really helped and there is no sign of pneumonia. The hospitalist came by tonight and said that medically he is ready to be discharged. Now we are waiting on a physician to evaluate Tom to see if he meets the criteria to receive therapy in the hospital and don't know if the weekend interferes with that process. He does not want to return to the nursing home and I don't want to move him back and forth.
I know of some older adult ministries who include in their outreach advocating for people in nursing homes who have no one else to speak up on their behalf. That is so important to have a person check to see if medications are distributed correctly and in a timely fashion--especially when timing matters. Patients need to be offered water or other fluids throughout the day so they will not become dehydrated. For a time Tom could only have thickened liquids, was not allowed to get up unassisted, but the liquids were across the room. There are privacy issues, but there are ways to work on those. As group advocacy, we need to impress upon the administration that doctors get a schedule for meds to meet the needs of the patient, not for the convenience of staff and there is a great need to keep hospitals from discharging older patients to a facility other than home late in the afternoon or night. They often can't the medication needed that late and there is a tendency for older folks and/or those who have cognitive impairment or illnesses such as Parkinson's affected by stress to be confused. (sorry for the complicated sentence) If anyone out there knows how to start an advocacy group that would address any of these issues let me hear from you.
Mine is the other report. A friend took me to Corinth for labs, to see the doctor and for a treatment today. My CA125 taken two weeks ago has gone down 3.5 points and it is now below 20. My current doctor wants it under 35, but Dr. Scudder at UCD wanted it under 20--glad to know both would approve. Next treatment date is in two weeks and I expect everything to be just fine.
I had opportunity today in the infusion room to share what I believe to two different people--one of the oncology nurses and another patient who sat by me for a few minutes. God is in charge and His grace is sufficient. The nurse agreed wholeheartedly; don't know about the other person, but at least I was able to tell her about hope and the Hope.
Thanks for keeping up!
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
I know of some older adult ministries who include in their outreach advocating for people in nursing homes who have no one else to speak up on their behalf. That is so important to have a person check to see if medications are distributed correctly and in a timely fashion--especially when timing matters. Patients need to be offered water or other fluids throughout the day so they will not become dehydrated. For a time Tom could only have thickened liquids, was not allowed to get up unassisted, but the liquids were across the room. There are privacy issues, but there are ways to work on those. As group advocacy, we need to impress upon the administration that doctors get a schedule for meds to meet the needs of the patient, not for the convenience of staff and there is a great need to keep hospitals from discharging older patients to a facility other than home late in the afternoon or night. They often can't the medication needed that late and there is a tendency for older folks and/or those who have cognitive impairment or illnesses such as Parkinson's affected by stress to be confused. (sorry for the complicated sentence) If anyone out there knows how to start an advocacy group that would address any of these issues let me hear from you.
Mine is the other report. A friend took me to Corinth for labs, to see the doctor and for a treatment today. My CA125 taken two weeks ago has gone down 3.5 points and it is now below 20. My current doctor wants it under 35, but Dr. Scudder at UCD wanted it under 20--glad to know both would approve. Next treatment date is in two weeks and I expect everything to be just fine.
I had opportunity today in the infusion room to share what I believe to two different people--one of the oncology nurses and another patient who sat by me for a few minutes. God is in charge and His grace is sufficient. The nurse agreed wholeheartedly; don't know about the other person, but at least I was able to tell her about hope and the Hope.
Thanks for keeping up!
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Here's what's happening now. We had a good visit with the neurologist yesterday, though he did answer questions in the complete manner I would have liked. It was obvious that one of his continuing concerns is the loss of weight. He asked if we had considered in-house therapy where Tom would have remained in the hospital and received his PT there. I said, "Yes, we did, but was told by the social worker that Tom didn't qualify and that was the end of that." The doctor wanted the primary care doctor to see Tom, made an appointment for him to be seen this morning and another appointment for him to evaluated by a doctor who would tell us whether of not Tom qualifies to receive his therapy in the hospital.
Dellora, my precious friend and helper came again today to help me get to the medical clinic. When Tom's blood pressure was taken both numbers were under 100. He was admitted to the hospital immediately so he could get fluids and be monitored more closely. He is on a heart monitor and his caloric intake is being recorded--not sure how that is done. I'm also not sure how long he'll be there and we're back to wondering if he'll recover enough to come home. He has not been resting/sleeping well at the nursing home, so the hospital will be an improvement.
I've learned not to project what tomorrow will be like and to be prepared for anything. We have done our share of wilderness wanderings, but I know about those wanderings that we never wander alone, nor does making it through the wilderness depend on us, but on God's faithfulness. He never leaves us to figure things out; He never leaves us without exactly the provision we need for that step. Maybe you know that song whose lyrics say: "I do not know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future." That first impressed me in the early eighties with my first bout with cancer and recite it to myself more and more often these days.
I close with two "funnies"--at least they were to me. Tom's nursing home roommate asked Tom when we went to meet him before Tom changed rooms, if he was a Bible reader. Tom replied that he was. One day I was sitting in the room, Tom was napping and the man asked me if I read the Bible. With a very straight face, I replied, "Sometimes." Only later did I tell him that I am a minister. (I'm not sure the denomiation of his choice approves.) Then today when the nurse was asking a gazillion questions, she asked if a minister would be visiting Tom, I said: "Everyday." A little laughter never hurts even when you're laughing at yourself.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaregt
Dellora, my precious friend and helper came again today to help me get to the medical clinic. When Tom's blood pressure was taken both numbers were under 100. He was admitted to the hospital immediately so he could get fluids and be monitored more closely. He is on a heart monitor and his caloric intake is being recorded--not sure how that is done. I'm also not sure how long he'll be there and we're back to wondering if he'll recover enough to come home. He has not been resting/sleeping well at the nursing home, so the hospital will be an improvement.
I've learned not to project what tomorrow will be like and to be prepared for anything. We have done our share of wilderness wanderings, but I know about those wanderings that we never wander alone, nor does making it through the wilderness depend on us, but on God's faithfulness. He never leaves us to figure things out; He never leaves us without exactly the provision we need for that step. Maybe you know that song whose lyrics say: "I do not know what the future holds, but I know Who holds the future." That first impressed me in the early eighties with my first bout with cancer and recite it to myself more and more often these days.
I close with two "funnies"--at least they were to me. Tom's nursing home roommate asked Tom when we went to meet him before Tom changed rooms, if he was a Bible reader. Tom replied that he was. One day I was sitting in the room, Tom was napping and the man asked me if I read the Bible. With a very straight face, I replied, "Sometimes." Only later did I tell him that I am a minister. (I'm not sure the denomiation of his choice approves.) Then today when the nurse was asking a gazillion questions, she asked if a minister would be visiting Tom, I said: "Everyday." A little laughter never hurts even when you're laughing at yourself.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaregt
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Sadness is my companion, but it is not in charge! The fear has lessened--what I feared is becoming reality. It is sad to observe illness of any kind in the person you love and to whom you are commited. Today I sat with Tom as he talked to me about things he either only imagined, or he had dreamed, but I thought to myself, "At least he is not in pain." That's a good thing.
Yesterday was a pretty good day with conversations that made sense and not much agitation on Tom's part. I was able to get him an appointment next week to see the neurologist and that's a good thing. I'm a bit concerned with what he might tell me.
There is a certain sadness that we have not been able to do the things we dreamed and planned to do in our retirement. We're even sad we are retired! We never made it to Scotland; Tom never got to show me Munich where he lived almost three years on active duty; we cannot resume our treks to Starkeville to basketball games; we have been limited by illness and treatment.
But there are good things--part of our family around the corner and another part a phone call away. We had family who came for a few days the early part of the week, friends from Mississippi who come regularly, friends who have come from California and others who keep up with the modern technology we have. We have a wonderful church family in Humboldt who are really supportive and friends in the church in town who support us as well.
Today I was chosen to take Jacob to audition for All-West Tennessee Middle School Band. He's in seventh grade, has been playing alto sax about a year and a half and plays extremely well for his age. His mom, dad and I tried to encourage him with stories of our band years and competitions. (Of course, their memories are a bit fresher than mine.) Our stories may not have helped him much, but we sure did have fun talking about them. We'll know by tomorrow how he did in the auditions.
Thursday and Friday nights I spent with Tommy, Liz and children. I went over Thursday to watch the NCAA Football Championship and didn't want to come home late or in the extreme cold. The children were excited I was spending the night--funny how little things excite children. It was so much fun to be with them that I went back last night. Honestly, I was glad not to be by myself. When I told Tom, he thought it was a good thing. It was also a good thing for the SEC to bring home another championship, though I thought we'd choke cheering: "Roll Tide."
Even on Tom's worse days he knows me and tells me that he loves me. He doesn't have to tell me; I can feel it when I hold his hand and I can see it in his eyes. He looks like an old man--much like his Dad did when he died at 93. He looks weak and is very thin--down to 120 pounds. I won't remember him this way. I will remember the strong, handsome, competent, caring man I know and love. That comes from the inside and cannot be taken away--a good thing indeed.
Have a good day of worship tomorrow. God alone is worthy of our praise.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Yesterday was a pretty good day with conversations that made sense and not much agitation on Tom's part. I was able to get him an appointment next week to see the neurologist and that's a good thing. I'm a bit concerned with what he might tell me.
There is a certain sadness that we have not been able to do the things we dreamed and planned to do in our retirement. We're even sad we are retired! We never made it to Scotland; Tom never got to show me Munich where he lived almost three years on active duty; we cannot resume our treks to Starkeville to basketball games; we have been limited by illness and treatment.
But there are good things--part of our family around the corner and another part a phone call away. We had family who came for a few days the early part of the week, friends from Mississippi who come regularly, friends who have come from California and others who keep up with the modern technology we have. We have a wonderful church family in Humboldt who are really supportive and friends in the church in town who support us as well.
Today I was chosen to take Jacob to audition for All-West Tennessee Middle School Band. He's in seventh grade, has been playing alto sax about a year and a half and plays extremely well for his age. His mom, dad and I tried to encourage him with stories of our band years and competitions. (Of course, their memories are a bit fresher than mine.) Our stories may not have helped him much, but we sure did have fun talking about them. We'll know by tomorrow how he did in the auditions.
Thursday and Friday nights I spent with Tommy, Liz and children. I went over Thursday to watch the NCAA Football Championship and didn't want to come home late or in the extreme cold. The children were excited I was spending the night--funny how little things excite children. It was so much fun to be with them that I went back last night. Honestly, I was glad not to be by myself. When I told Tom, he thought it was a good thing. It was also a good thing for the SEC to bring home another championship, though I thought we'd choke cheering: "Roll Tide."
Even on Tom's worse days he knows me and tells me that he loves me. He doesn't have to tell me; I can feel it when I hold his hand and I can see it in his eyes. He looks like an old man--much like his Dad did when he died at 93. He looks weak and is very thin--down to 120 pounds. I won't remember him this way. I will remember the strong, handsome, competent, caring man I know and love. That comes from the inside and cannot be taken away--a good thing indeed.
Have a good day of worship tomorrow. God alone is worthy of our praise.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
The sadness and fear are still with me. However, there have been several encouraging things to happen in the past 24 hours. After I posted last night I went to bed and read from Magnificent Prayer the words for the day. The editor/compiler of the book, Nick Harrison, quotes A.T. Pierson who said: All practical power over sin . . . depends on maintaining closet communion. Those who abide in the secret place with God show themselves mighty to conquer evil, and strong to work and to war for God. They are seers who read His secrets; they know His will; they are the meek whom He guides in Judgment and teaches His way. They are His prophets who speak for Him to others, and even forecast things to come. They watch the signs of the times and descern His tokens and read His signal.
Harrison commments and says: This definition of a pray-er finds many of us falling short. We possess little power because we pray so little. The power we possess as Christians will be in proportion to our communion with God. Weak Christians are often weak because they don't spend time with the source of strength.
Today, cast all your weakness on Him. Claim His strength as your own. He who lives in you can face anything on today's agenda. Watch, and He will guide you with His eye.
Reading that was what I needed! I went to sleep with a picture of Jesus with Tom in His arms and with me being held in God's hands. It made today easier, keeping that thought that Christ could/would face whatever there was in my day's agenda--but still there is sadness and fear. I learned upon arriving at the nursing home that Tom had been awake a good bit of the night and that he wandered and looked for me. They have all kinds of monitors to alert the staff when he gets up as they don't want him getting up without assistance. He has been resistant to that instruction! Today when I was helping him to the sink to wash his hands he began to sway and fall toward me. Fortunately we had someone visiting who could push the call button for help.
He continues to be confused, a problem I believe would get better if he were home with me. The flip side is he's not strong enough to come home and I have a growing fear that he will not regain enough strength to do so.
Two encouraging things were observed. I went to PT with him and watched him really try to do the things they asked of him. Shortly after his workout, a friend brought Meredith (four years old) to see him. What a sweet smile spread across his face when he saw her. It was the most alert I saw him all day. Her visit and her hugs will be the best medicine of the day.
Schools are closed for tomorrow because of a predicted winter storm. That may mean that it will be difficult for me to get to the nursing home. Tommy was here when I got home from church tonight. He had wrapped our faucets and closed up a door that goes under the house. I know I will be glad he did!
Stay warm.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Harrison commments and says: This definition of a pray-er finds many of us falling short. We possess little power because we pray so little. The power we possess as Christians will be in proportion to our communion with God. Weak Christians are often weak because they don't spend time with the source of strength.
Today, cast all your weakness on Him. Claim His strength as your own. He who lives in you can face anything on today's agenda. Watch, and He will guide you with His eye.
Reading that was what I needed! I went to sleep with a picture of Jesus with Tom in His arms and with me being held in God's hands. It made today easier, keeping that thought that Christ could/would face whatever there was in my day's agenda--but still there is sadness and fear. I learned upon arriving at the nursing home that Tom had been awake a good bit of the night and that he wandered and looked for me. They have all kinds of monitors to alert the staff when he gets up as they don't want him getting up without assistance. He has been resistant to that instruction! Today when I was helping him to the sink to wash his hands he began to sway and fall toward me. Fortunately we had someone visiting who could push the call button for help.
He continues to be confused, a problem I believe would get better if he were home with me. The flip side is he's not strong enough to come home and I have a growing fear that he will not regain enough strength to do so.
Two encouraging things were observed. I went to PT with him and watched him really try to do the things they asked of him. Shortly after his workout, a friend brought Meredith (four years old) to see him. What a sweet smile spread across his face when he saw her. It was the most alert I saw him all day. Her visit and her hugs will be the best medicine of the day.
Schools are closed for tomorrow because of a predicted winter storm. That may mean that it will be difficult for me to get to the nursing home. Tommy was here when I got home from church tonight. He had wrapped our faucets and closed up a door that goes under the house. I know I will be glad he did!
Stay warm.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Sadness and fear have overtaken my emotions today. My family who has been here since Sunday said goodbye tonight because they leave for Memphis early in the morning to fly home. Julia and I have been close since we were little girls and I love her like a sister. Her husband is not in the best of health, her mother is almost 91 and in a retirement home, but she left them to come see about me. Her youngest brother and his wife came too--if fact, he made all the arrangements for the trip. The minute they arrived at the nursing home, I relaxed. The power of their presence has helped so much! We were able to enjoy some good family time with Tommy, Liz and children and thought we might have to pack Meredith up and send them home with my cousin Snookie. I hated to say goodbye to them!!
Tom moved to a new room this morning in order to accommodate a husband and wife couple who wanted to share a room. He agreed to move because he knew how we would want the same consideration. He has a nice man for a roommate and I think they will get along well. This was another "tired day" for him and he slept a good bit of the afternoon after coming from therapy. He looks so weak and just plain sick. I'm afraid he'll never leave where he is. One day he was pushing, trying to do his out patient therapy so he'd improve his strength, we were looking forward to Christmas with grandchildren, and the next day he is a very sick man. I never know what to expect when I arrive at the nursing home. This morning he was a little testy with me for a few minutes because he didn't think I had been there in two days and he had been looking for me. I am sad to be alone again, sad about losing Tom and fearful that it could be soon.
Our weather is bitterly cold and snow is predicted after midnight tomorrow and through Thursday. We begin Wednesday suppers and program at 1st Presbyterian, Humboldt this week and I'm beginning officer training. I'm hoping any precipitation will hold off until we finish up tomorrow night and I'm home. If the streets and roads are bad Thursday and Friday, I may get in some extra sleep. That could help put a different perspective on both my sadness and my fear.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Tom moved to a new room this morning in order to accommodate a husband and wife couple who wanted to share a room. He agreed to move because he knew how we would want the same consideration. He has a nice man for a roommate and I think they will get along well. This was another "tired day" for him and he slept a good bit of the afternoon after coming from therapy. He looks so weak and just plain sick. I'm afraid he'll never leave where he is. One day he was pushing, trying to do his out patient therapy so he'd improve his strength, we were looking forward to Christmas with grandchildren, and the next day he is a very sick man. I never know what to expect when I arrive at the nursing home. This morning he was a little testy with me for a few minutes because he didn't think I had been there in two days and he had been looking for me. I am sad to be alone again, sad about losing Tom and fearful that it could be soon.
Our weather is bitterly cold and snow is predicted after midnight tomorrow and through Thursday. We begin Wednesday suppers and program at 1st Presbyterian, Humboldt this week and I'm beginning officer training. I'm hoping any precipitation will hold off until we finish up tomorrow night and I'm home. If the streets and roads are bad Thursday and Friday, I may get in some extra sleep. That could help put a different perspective on both my sadness and my fear.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Happy New Year!
We have never been into big New Year's Eve celebrations so we're not missing that tonight. I suspect Tom has been asleep for hours--at least I hope that's the case. After I fold the clothes in the dryer, I'll be off to sleep myself. There will be fireworks at midnight, accompanied by dogs barking. I'll roll over and keep on snoozing! I do miss being with Tom, watching one football game after the other. Without him I'm not doing so well keeping up with who is playing and when. I wish that was the only thing I missed about his not being here. I've been reminded of our first year of marriage when we missed all our "firsts" while he was in Vietnam. At that time we looked forward to our whole life spread in front of us. It's different now. Tom won't get better; I'd settle for a little consistency.
Who ever thought it was a good idea to transfer a patient to a nursing home at night? I'll never understand the rationale for that. One of the worst things about moving at night was having a glitch in his medication schedule. You can't take medicines with you even if they come from the hospital and everything he needed wasn't available that night or until late the next day. It's been hard for me to determine when he's confused if it's a result of the medicine problem, a natural reaction to being in the home or if his confusion is getting worse. Last night he struggled to understand what we were doing there and wondered when we could go home. Today his mind was better, but he was exhausted from a hard work out in physical therapy. He sent me home about 4:30 p.m. because he couldn't stay awake.
We anticipate changes when he comes home, primarily in the area of securing more help. He is extremely weak, though working hard to regain some strength--if only he could. At times I ask myself a question to which I already have the answer. If we could see into the future when we take our marriage vows, would we commit to stay faithful forever? When you're young and in love, nothing else matters. You see endless years of being together, raising a family, building a life together and enjoying retirement when the time comes. Along comes a crisis--or two--and you learn exactly what your vows mean and what true love is. During some exceptionally hard times with chemo when Tom has held my hand and taken care of me, we grin and repeat: "in sickness and in health," knowing that we've gotten a lot of mileage out of that one. Now it's my turn. He's thin, he's weak, he's confused, but he's the love of my life and that will never change.
Yes, I'd marry him again and again and again.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
We have never been into big New Year's Eve celebrations so we're not missing that tonight. I suspect Tom has been asleep for hours--at least I hope that's the case. After I fold the clothes in the dryer, I'll be off to sleep myself. There will be fireworks at midnight, accompanied by dogs barking. I'll roll over and keep on snoozing! I do miss being with Tom, watching one football game after the other. Without him I'm not doing so well keeping up with who is playing and when. I wish that was the only thing I missed about his not being here. I've been reminded of our first year of marriage when we missed all our "firsts" while he was in Vietnam. At that time we looked forward to our whole life spread in front of us. It's different now. Tom won't get better; I'd settle for a little consistency.
Who ever thought it was a good idea to transfer a patient to a nursing home at night? I'll never understand the rationale for that. One of the worst things about moving at night was having a glitch in his medication schedule. You can't take medicines with you even if they come from the hospital and everything he needed wasn't available that night or until late the next day. It's been hard for me to determine when he's confused if it's a result of the medicine problem, a natural reaction to being in the home or if his confusion is getting worse. Last night he struggled to understand what we were doing there and wondered when we could go home. Today his mind was better, but he was exhausted from a hard work out in physical therapy. He sent me home about 4:30 p.m. because he couldn't stay awake.
We anticipate changes when he comes home, primarily in the area of securing more help. He is extremely weak, though working hard to regain some strength--if only he could. At times I ask myself a question to which I already have the answer. If we could see into the future when we take our marriage vows, would we commit to stay faithful forever? When you're young and in love, nothing else matters. You see endless years of being together, raising a family, building a life together and enjoying retirement when the time comes. Along comes a crisis--or two--and you learn exactly what your vows mean and what true love is. During some exceptionally hard times with chemo when Tom has held my hand and taken care of me, we grin and repeat: "in sickness and in health," knowing that we've gotten a lot of mileage out of that one. Now it's my turn. He's thin, he's weak, he's confused, but he's the love of my life and that will never change.
Yes, I'd marry him again and again and again.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Monday, December 28, 2009
It is of God's mercies that we are not consumed. They are new every morning. Great is God's faithfulness.
We continue to be strenthened by God's mighty right hand as He gives us healing and energy. A lot has happened since I last posted on Christmas night and today has been expectionally long and tiring for both of us. Let's see if I can make a long story short as I bring you up to date.
When I arrived at the hospital the day after Christmas, Tom broke into a big, tearful smile when he saw me. He was beginning to be more himself, communicating his needs, doing what he was asked to do and did a good short session with the physical therapists who came to his room. Yesterday was a bit better and he was able to walk between 50 and 60 feet with the therapist and was sitting on the sofa when I arrived after church. We had begun to take the initial steps to move him to a skilled facility and I had carefully and somewhat emphatically explained that Monday was a pretty impossible day to move him.
Facilities were not available for us to visit over the holiday weekend and I had a treatment in Corinth at 11:30 a.m. today. Today Tommy visited the two facilities between which we were choosing, keeping in touch with me by phone during the day. About 2:30 p.m., on my way home from Corinth the social worker called and wanted a decision within 15 minutes because they were in the process of discharging him. There was absolutely nothing I could say that would convince her that he needed to wait until in the morning. I got home, made some calls, got a few clothes together and went to the hospital thinking they were ready right then. That was 4 p.m. and we finally pulled away from the hospital at 8 p.m. When I got to the nursing home, I couldn't get in because it was after hours so I called Tommy and aksed him to call the desk and tell them we were at the door but couldn't get in. We were sent to the ambulance entrance, were met with a wheelchair and he got situated. He was so tired that he was having a hard time staying awake to be admitted. I left there at 9 p.m., came home and crashed--something I usually do as soon as I'm home from Corinth. Tommy and Liz came over and brought supper. Otherwise I would have skipped eating . I would say that I don't know where I've gotten the energy since all this started and especially today, but I know.
The initial response to the nursing home is positive, both to Tommy who made the visit and to me after my brief exposure. Tom is trying with all he has to work hard so he can come home. He thinks in terms of a few days' stay, while we know it may take longer.
Again, our thanks for your love and prayers. What great friends you are! I'm off to bed.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
We continue to be strenthened by God's mighty right hand as He gives us healing and energy. A lot has happened since I last posted on Christmas night and today has been expectionally long and tiring for both of us. Let's see if I can make a long story short as I bring you up to date.
When I arrived at the hospital the day after Christmas, Tom broke into a big, tearful smile when he saw me. He was beginning to be more himself, communicating his needs, doing what he was asked to do and did a good short session with the physical therapists who came to his room. Yesterday was a bit better and he was able to walk between 50 and 60 feet with the therapist and was sitting on the sofa when I arrived after church. We had begun to take the initial steps to move him to a skilled facility and I had carefully and somewhat emphatically explained that Monday was a pretty impossible day to move him.
Facilities were not available for us to visit over the holiday weekend and I had a treatment in Corinth at 11:30 a.m. today. Today Tommy visited the two facilities between which we were choosing, keeping in touch with me by phone during the day. About 2:30 p.m., on my way home from Corinth the social worker called and wanted a decision within 15 minutes because they were in the process of discharging him. There was absolutely nothing I could say that would convince her that he needed to wait until in the morning. I got home, made some calls, got a few clothes together and went to the hospital thinking they were ready right then. That was 4 p.m. and we finally pulled away from the hospital at 8 p.m. When I got to the nursing home, I couldn't get in because it was after hours so I called Tommy and aksed him to call the desk and tell them we were at the door but couldn't get in. We were sent to the ambulance entrance, were met with a wheelchair and he got situated. He was so tired that he was having a hard time staying awake to be admitted. I left there at 9 p.m., came home and crashed--something I usually do as soon as I'm home from Corinth. Tommy and Liz came over and brought supper. Otherwise I would have skipped eating . I would say that I don't know where I've gotten the energy since all this started and especially today, but I know.
The initial response to the nursing home is positive, both to Tommy who made the visit and to me after my brief exposure. Tom is trying with all he has to work hard so he can come home. He thinks in terms of a few days' stay, while we know it may take longer.
Again, our thanks for your love and prayers. What great friends you are! I'm off to bed.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Friday, December 25, 2009
Merry Christmas! I hope your day has been full of joy, a day of enjoying family and friends, but a day especially of celebrating the birth of Christ.
I spent most of the day with Tom, arriving about 9:30 a.m., leaving for an hour during the morning to go see grandchildren, then returning to the hospital to spend a quiet day with Tom. He was pretty calm all day and I'm not sure that he realized most of the time that I was even there. He slept, but when someone came to give meds or do other routine things, he was cooperative, but emphatic about the way they cared for him. I left about 4:30 this afternoon to come finish wrapping gifts for grandchildren, then went to their house to eat Christmas supper. While I was relaxing, waiting for things to finish cooking, a nurse called to say that Tom was pretty aggitated. He had awakened and was disburbed that he couldn't find me. He was trying to get up to look for me because "she has cancer and needs to get to the hospital for treatment." I told the nurse that was partly true. I do, indeed, have cancer, am on treatment and have one scheduled Monday. I asked if I needed to return to the hospital, but she thought a phone visit might help, so I talked with him. Honestly, I'm not sure if I calmed him or not and thought about going back to spend the night with him--decided I needed to sleep in my own bed if I would be any good at all tomorrow. God has blessed me with new energy and strength this week. It is a long walk from the parking garage to Tom's room, a walk I could not have made this time last week. Age, weight, chemo keep me from doing the things I once took for granted, but this week has been different. God has given me both the emotional and the physical stamina needed.
The good news is that his white count is falling, that he is not as combative, nor is he hallucinating as badly as yesterday. It is difficult to see someone you love being slowly taken from you by a disease that has no cure. Tom has continued to pray that God will be glorified in his situation. I join him in that prayer and ask you to pray with us.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
I spent most of the day with Tom, arriving about 9:30 a.m., leaving for an hour during the morning to go see grandchildren, then returning to the hospital to spend a quiet day with Tom. He was pretty calm all day and I'm not sure that he realized most of the time that I was even there. He slept, but when someone came to give meds or do other routine things, he was cooperative, but emphatic about the way they cared for him. I left about 4:30 this afternoon to come finish wrapping gifts for grandchildren, then went to their house to eat Christmas supper. While I was relaxing, waiting for things to finish cooking, a nurse called to say that Tom was pretty aggitated. He had awakened and was disburbed that he couldn't find me. He was trying to get up to look for me because "she has cancer and needs to get to the hospital for treatment." I told the nurse that was partly true. I do, indeed, have cancer, am on treatment and have one scheduled Monday. I asked if I needed to return to the hospital, but she thought a phone visit might help, so I talked with him. Honestly, I'm not sure if I calmed him or not and thought about going back to spend the night with him--decided I needed to sleep in my own bed if I would be any good at all tomorrow. God has blessed me with new energy and strength this week. It is a long walk from the parking garage to Tom's room, a walk I could not have made this time last week. Age, weight, chemo keep me from doing the things I once took for granted, but this week has been different. God has given me both the emotional and the physical stamina needed.
The good news is that his white count is falling, that he is not as combative, nor is he hallucinating as badly as yesterday. It is difficult to see someone you love being slowly taken from you by a disease that has no cure. Tom has continued to pray that God will be glorified in his situation. I join him in that prayer and ask you to pray with us.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Advent Meditation for Christmas Day
Joy to the World! The Lord is Come
Scripture: Psalm 98
The psalmist said: Shout with joy to the Lord, all the earth, burst into jubilant song with music . . . The hymn says: Joy to the World! The Lord is Come.
The waiting was over; the long-awaited Saviour has come. Emmanuel, God with us, had been born to the Virgin Mary. Nothing would be the same again. Nothing has been the same. Today we rejoice once more at the coming of Jesus Christ.
Let us all remember that He rules the world with truth and grace. His word is truth and in Him is the manifestation of God’s grace. No more do sin and sorrows grow. Instead, joy fills the hearts and lives of those who believe that the Saviour reigns.
Words to ponder: Does Jesus reign in your life? Name the ways knowing Jesus brings you joy. Share them with your loved ones on this special day.
It has been a really long day! I was awakened at six a.m. by a nurse calling to tell me that they had moved Tom to a bed closer to the nurses' station. You can imagine my emotions when I looked at the clock, just as she identified herself. I guess if I had been on duty since seven the night before, I wouldn't have thought much about calling so early either. When I arrived at the hospital a couple of hours later, Tom was restless and basically giving anyone who came near him a hard time. I was able to calm him some and fix some of the problems, but nothing would help the hallucinations he had all day. I was able to talk with the doctor and the neurologist he sent later in the day. Apparently, infections and being as sick as he is makes any Parkinson's syptoms worse and on top of that, the medication he takes to deal with hallucinations has not been given to him for two days. I'm the lay person; they are the professionals, but I have learned that often the patient or the patient's spouse knows more than the professional. As the day wore on, he got calmer, but he never stopped talking to or about people/situations that were only in his head. Tonight I talked with the nurse on duty and impressed upon her the absolute necessity of giving meds on a set schedule at specific intervals. She promised to try to get things straight.
We had a 5:30 Candlelight Communion service at Humboldt. It was beautiful! Afterwards I went back to the hospital and there Tom was, all worked up again. I stayed until after they gave him his bedtime meds, then went to Tommy's to eat some supper. The smell of cookies overcame me as I walked into the kitchen. I had to have one! Then I realized that I had not eaten anything but a package of nabs and some of my cousin's "to die for" cheese straws all day.
I believe that Tom will remain in the hospital through the weekend and then be discharged to a skilled facility where he can receive physical therapy "in house" for a few weeks. He definitely will need some help regaining his balance and strength after this stay in the hospital. We are still taking things one day at a time.
It isn't the Christmas we envisioned, but we celebrate the birth of the Christ Child all the same. He is God's greatest gift to us! Enjoy your day and bless the Lord.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Joy to the World! The Lord is Come
Scripture: Psalm 98
The psalmist said: Shout with joy to the Lord, all the earth, burst into jubilant song with music . . . The hymn says: Joy to the World! The Lord is Come.
The waiting was over; the long-awaited Saviour has come. Emmanuel, God with us, had been born to the Virgin Mary. Nothing would be the same again. Nothing has been the same. Today we rejoice once more at the coming of Jesus Christ.
Let us all remember that He rules the world with truth and grace. His word is truth and in Him is the manifestation of God’s grace. No more do sin and sorrows grow. Instead, joy fills the hearts and lives of those who believe that the Saviour reigns.
Words to ponder: Does Jesus reign in your life? Name the ways knowing Jesus brings you joy. Share them with your loved ones on this special day.
It has been a really long day! I was awakened at six a.m. by a nurse calling to tell me that they had moved Tom to a bed closer to the nurses' station. You can imagine my emotions when I looked at the clock, just as she identified herself. I guess if I had been on duty since seven the night before, I wouldn't have thought much about calling so early either. When I arrived at the hospital a couple of hours later, Tom was restless and basically giving anyone who came near him a hard time. I was able to calm him some and fix some of the problems, but nothing would help the hallucinations he had all day. I was able to talk with the doctor and the neurologist he sent later in the day. Apparently, infections and being as sick as he is makes any Parkinson's syptoms worse and on top of that, the medication he takes to deal with hallucinations has not been given to him for two days. I'm the lay person; they are the professionals, but I have learned that often the patient or the patient's spouse knows more than the professional. As the day wore on, he got calmer, but he never stopped talking to or about people/situations that were only in his head. Tonight I talked with the nurse on duty and impressed upon her the absolute necessity of giving meds on a set schedule at specific intervals. She promised to try to get things straight.
We had a 5:30 Candlelight Communion service at Humboldt. It was beautiful! Afterwards I went back to the hospital and there Tom was, all worked up again. I stayed until after they gave him his bedtime meds, then went to Tommy's to eat some supper. The smell of cookies overcame me as I walked into the kitchen. I had to have one! Then I realized that I had not eaten anything but a package of nabs and some of my cousin's "to die for" cheese straws all day.
I believe that Tom will remain in the hospital through the weekend and then be discharged to a skilled facility where he can receive physical therapy "in house" for a few weeks. He definitely will need some help regaining his balance and strength after this stay in the hospital. We are still taking things one day at a time.
It isn't the Christmas we envisioned, but we celebrate the birth of the Christ Child all the same. He is God's greatest gift to us! Enjoy your day and bless the Lord.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Advent Meditation for December 24, 2009
The First Nowell
Scripture: Luke 4:16-21; Isaiah 61:1-2
This English carol dates from the 17th century and is one of my top three favorites. The words are not so different from other hymns that tell of the angel’s announcement, the shepherds on the hillside, the bright shining star and the birth of the King of Israel, but there is something compelling about the music. I love to hear it; I love to sing it.
The Luke passage is spoken by Jesus in the synagogue in Nazareth and is a quote from Isaiah 61. God had appointed Isaiah to bring good news about the coming Messiah and now, in Luke, Jesus speaks as the very one about whom Isaiah had prophesied. Both proclaim salvation!
Words to ponder: Center your thoughts on Christ, the King of Israel, the One who came so that you and I might have abundant life. Consider the abundance you enjoy as a believer and thank God for it.
Many of you have e-mailed or called to see about Tom and to assure us of your prayers. Thank you so much! I did not see the doctor today so don't have any idea about the extent of the illness or just how long they expect to keep Tom. We're taking it one day at a time. I will say that I have never seen him look so weak and helpless--a sight that is difficult at best. He has always been my "knight in shining armor" and is not supposed to be anything but strong. Sitting there with him this afternoon I kept thinking of how many times he has sat by my bed, waiting and praying and sharing his strength with me. Now it's my turn.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaregt
The First Nowell
Scripture: Luke 4:16-21; Isaiah 61:1-2
This English carol dates from the 17th century and is one of my top three favorites. The words are not so different from other hymns that tell of the angel’s announcement, the shepherds on the hillside, the bright shining star and the birth of the King of Israel, but there is something compelling about the music. I love to hear it; I love to sing it.
The Luke passage is spoken by Jesus in the synagogue in Nazareth and is a quote from Isaiah 61. God had appointed Isaiah to bring good news about the coming Messiah and now, in Luke, Jesus speaks as the very one about whom Isaiah had prophesied. Both proclaim salvation!
Words to ponder: Center your thoughts on Christ, the King of Israel, the One who came so that you and I might have abundant life. Consider the abundance you enjoy as a believer and thank God for it.
Many of you have e-mailed or called to see about Tom and to assure us of your prayers. Thank you so much! I did not see the doctor today so don't have any idea about the extent of the illness or just how long they expect to keep Tom. We're taking it one day at a time. I will say that I have never seen him look so weak and helpless--a sight that is difficult at best. He has always been my "knight in shining armor" and is not supposed to be anything but strong. Sitting there with him this afternoon I kept thinking of how many times he has sat by my bed, waiting and praying and sharing his strength with me. Now it's my turn.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaregt
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Advent Meditation for December 23, 2009
Go, Tell it on the Mountain
Scripture: Luke 2:17; Matthew 28:18-20
This is an African-American spiritual that may be sung in a couple of different contexts. Surely it proclaims the good news of the birth of Jesus Christ using familiar images of shepherds watching their sheep, the holy light that appeared, angels singing and Jesus lying in the manger.
In Luke 2:17, we read that those same shepherds became the first evangelists. Note the refrain that begins the hymn:
Go, tell it on the mountain over the hills and every where;
Go, tell it on the mountain that Jesus Christ is born.
These words have an evangelistic thrust, echoing the words of Jesus to the disciples in the Great Commission:
. . . go and make disciples of all nations.
Words to ponder: Where will you go? Who will you tell?
Just a bit of news. Tom was admitted to the hospital tonight with pneumonia. I, rather reluctantly, took him for physical therapy this afternoon and it took all both of us could do to get him there. He kept getting distracted in the midst of the getting ready process and I had to call and tell them we would be late--being late is an absolute no-no for him. I sat in the parking lot and waited because of my concern and when I went inside to meet him, the therapist came out to tell me there had been a problem with his blood pressure. Long story short is, they sent me to the emergency room, many tests were run and pneumonia was discovered. We were both surprised! IV antibiotics were started immediately.
It was hard leaving him there by himself, but he insisted. His balance has been worse lately, as has his cognitive function. He has been so tired that he'd go to sleep in the midst of a conversation and today I had to keep reminding him to eat his sandwich at noon. I know that Parkinson's is degenerative, but the recent symptoms didn't seem to me to be the usual "Oh, the Parkinson's is getting worse" kind. I would have never guessed he might have pneumonia.
Please pray for him. I'll keep you posted.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
Go, Tell it on the Mountain
Scripture: Luke 2:17; Matthew 28:18-20
This is an African-American spiritual that may be sung in a couple of different contexts. Surely it proclaims the good news of the birth of Jesus Christ using familiar images of shepherds watching their sheep, the holy light that appeared, angels singing and Jesus lying in the manger.
In Luke 2:17, we read that those same shepherds became the first evangelists. Note the refrain that begins the hymn:
Go, tell it on the mountain over the hills and every where;
Go, tell it on the mountain that Jesus Christ is born.
These words have an evangelistic thrust, echoing the words of Jesus to the disciples in the Great Commission:
. . . go and make disciples of all nations.
Words to ponder: Where will you go? Who will you tell?
Just a bit of news. Tom was admitted to the hospital tonight with pneumonia. I, rather reluctantly, took him for physical therapy this afternoon and it took all both of us could do to get him there. He kept getting distracted in the midst of the getting ready process and I had to call and tell them we would be late--being late is an absolute no-no for him. I sat in the parking lot and waited because of my concern and when I went inside to meet him, the therapist came out to tell me there had been a problem with his blood pressure. Long story short is, they sent me to the emergency room, many tests were run and pneumonia was discovered. We were both surprised! IV antibiotics were started immediately.
It was hard leaving him there by himself, but he insisted. His balance has been worse lately, as has his cognitive function. He has been so tired that he'd go to sleep in the midst of a conversation and today I had to keep reminding him to eat his sandwich at noon. I know that Parkinson's is degenerative, but the recent symptoms didn't seem to me to be the usual "Oh, the Parkinson's is getting worse" kind. I would have never guessed he might have pneumonia.
Please pray for him. I'll keep you posted.
Blessings,
Pastor Margaret
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